Very quick bitch, er, post...

Last night's observation ended up not happening: the students were going to spend the entire period writing first drafts of a paper, so there wouldn't be much to observe. The cool thing is that in today's P&B we decided to postpone that observation until spring. Ya-hoo.

I held another discussion session for just myself. Actually, one student did try to come, but there was a miscommunication, and she went to my office instead of the conference room where I was waiting. I feel a bit guilty about that (only a bit)--but most of the students don't seem to want the extra discussion time, and the few who do generally can't make the times I have scheduled. I'll hold a few more (I can grade papers anywhere), but if they're really not happening, I'll cancel the rest.

Thursday my 102s will be in the library (so no discussion of the novel, just work toward their research papers). I don't know what that will do in terms of making them feel more need for the discussion sessions--or less.

Tonight's observation, of a new adjunct, was a complete delight. A very well run class taught by a charming instructor. Nice.

I have so much shit on my triage list that I just want to hide. William and I were joking earlier that the thing to do would just be to declare the semester over, grade the students on what they've done to this point, and tell everyone "We'll see you in January." Wouldn't that be heavenly? Barring that, I'm about to take a page from the Albert the Alligator playbook and yell, "Earthquake! Earthquake! Game called on account of an earthquake!" (You have to know your Pogo to follow this blog.)

I feel frazzled but not anxious, if that makes sense. Frantic but not worried. Whatever. All I can do is whatever is right in front of me at that moment to be done; no sense fretting about what next. And now, what I can do is go pick up my laundry and go home to collapse. After all, tomorrow... well, you know the rest.

I gave a discussion session...

...and nobody came. Good. I can mark assignments.

yikesyikesyikes

Very suddenly I'm in full "oh shit, I have too much to do when am I going to get it all done" mode. The trickle of student assignments coming in is starting to turn into a freshet (thank you, Ed), and there is P&B business, other committee work, my abstract (still a mess, though more words in the mess).... Plus much of the free time I'd usually have for marking stuff is going to the extra discussion sessions for my 102 students. And the increasing stream of students in Advisement (no real pauses today, except the break I took to eat my lunch). And two observations this week. And dance class. Yeesh.

Consequently, I won't have much time for blogging for a while. I had most of the remaining students back in class today; only one still among the absent, and I have at least heard from her, so I know she's OK and plans to return. Discussion was OK. We spent some time reconfiguring the assignment schedule--again--and ditching a mini-paper, moving the second big essay just a smidge.

I'm about to go to one of those discussion sessions, and immediately thereafter I have an observation, which won't end until about 8, by which time I'll want to head straight home. Tomorrow: study session, P&B, class, class, observation, back to back, no break. Wednesday: class, Advisement, study session, dance. Thursday... well, you get the idea.

Off I go. I'll take work down the hall with me, in case no one shows. Be interesting to see.

Getting through

I got a good wodge of P&B work done today; yesterday I marked all the assignments (well, the few I had) for today's classes, so I had the morning free to crank away. I looked at all the promotion folders for the folks I'm mentoring; there are two more that I should look at, just as a good Do-Bee, but next week is early enough for that.

I have a fair-sized folder of miscellaneous flotsam to take home and mark over the weekend--as much as I can, but I also must must must finish the proposal for a paper I want to present at the ASLE conference next summer, and that has to take priority. I'm having a powerfully difficult time getting any genuinely interesting thoughts to coalesce, but I'll fall back on the "write anything and see what comes out" technique.

I was playing to pretty empty houses today, in my role as Spinster Professor. As was the case yesterday, some who had been there on Tuesday were not there today, and some who'd been absent were there. I really do not know if the students will be able to read enough of the novel and understand it well enough to write their papers. I'm not sure what to do if we get closer to that point and they're utterly lost. I suppose I could ditch one of the preliminary versions... But I'm not going to get into the "what if" scenarios. I said I'd be improvisational, and that means no planning.

A sweet moment: a student arrived at the end of class to withdraw. I asked if he was OK, how he'd gotten through the storm--but honestly, he'd pretty well vanished long before the hurricane. I asked if he was sure withdrawal was his best option (I was pretty sure it was, but I thought I'd give him the chance)--and he said yes, but that he was really sorry. "You're the best English professor I've ever had. I've had two here before you, and I really mean it, you're the best. You're so organized." I've heard that before, and every time I do, I'm pole-axed. Me? Organized? OK, if you say so, but it sure doesn't feel that way from my end (pearls falling through the floorboards).

 But I'm as organized as I'm going to get today. I am completely grateful that I had lights and heat when I got home yesterday, and thus should still be returning to a warm and lit apartment tonight. I wonder how long it will be before I forget to notice and give thanks? But before I go home, I fully intend to go to a cozy restaurant and have a nice meal and a fucking enormous drink. I'd have two if I thought I could drive home safely. I may even literally let my hair down. Six weeks left--including Thanksgiving week, which hardly counts (and which is almost on top of us). The roller-coaster ride begins: hold onto your hat....

Anyone see four horsemen?

Now we have very wet snow falling on trees that still have leaves on them....

I have almost nothing to say, actually. Not many students, not all the same ones who were there on Monday (some new, some missing), and the discussion was pretty deadly, lots of looooong silences. I saw one student in Advisement: she was thrilled to bits with the help I gave her (really? didn't seem like much to me), and the rest of the time I split between marking assignments and checking weather sites.

I was going to hang out here on campus for a while, but I'm parked out back under some trees, and I'm seeing the branches bending under the weight of snow.... Several years ago a huge branch fell on my car back there, took out the rear windshield and dented the crap out of the roof and hood; I'm not interested in having that experience again.

I suppose at some point I'll be talking about teaching again, but not until some semblance of normalcy has been reestablished. I'm about to find out whether the dance studio is holding classes tonight. I'm on the fence about which answer I'd rather get. Ah, hell, I'll write more tomorrow--assuming the sun comes up. Christ Almighty, this is simply nuts.

Another storm coming

That's literally true, as you may know. My students are freaking out--especially those already without power and heat. Lines to get gas are still ridiculous (and pretty soon I'm going to be in one); I no longer believe the repeated assurances that that situation will "soon" get better. Even students who have valiantly been coming to class so far may not be able to do so as the week progresses, simply because of lack of gas, coupled with an all but non-existent mass transit system that is in disarray. (If I can't get gas in my car, I may not be able to make it either.) Never mind the possibility of losing power again when the temperature is dangerously low (wind chill making it feel like 14 at night), driving in snow when traffic lights are still out in places.... All in all, this is a cluster fuck.

I had more students in class than I expected today, and more of them were prepared (or were more close to prepared) than I would have imagined. I realized today that the gender balance is flipped in the two classes: the earlier class has only two young men, the rest women--and in the second class, there are only three women (and only two of them were able to get to class today). I'm sure that has some effect on the difference in dynamic, but the main difference seems to be the balance of personalities: in the earlier class, both the young men are utter lunk-heads. One at least tries to be upbeat and participatory, though he doesn't do the work; the other does the work but is less engaged and dynamic than the desks. In the other class, no lunks at all. Some of the students are struggling, but all of them are alert, present, interested, engaged--and bonded with each other. I wish I could get rid of the two guys in the earlier class: I bet the whole dynamic would improve significantly. Ah well.

One nice moment in the earlier class, having to do with the Whining Friend of the Turnaround Student (the one who started out bitching but is now becoming one of the best students). Whining Friend had been out a few classes before the storm hit, and I thought she might have bailed from the class altogether. Au contraire. She was back today, prepared, participating, smart and cheerful and bright eyed. Maybe Turnaround Student finally persuaded Whining Friend to stop whining, or maybe Whining Friend simply found her own reason to turn around--but I may not be able to call her Whining Friend any more.

Shifting gears: I fear my reputation as Grendel's Dam fused with the Wicked Witch is getting tarnished. In both classes, the students said--in chorus--that I was the only professor who had kept them informed about classes, and they told me over again how grateful they were for that contact. They also expressed gratitude that I'm being understanding about their work. It's been sweet: most of the e-mails I've gotten have asked whether I'm OK, have sent good wishes for me and my family. They were also deeply grateful for the extra discussion times. We'll see if that translates into action; I'm not taking any bets on how many of them actually show up. But the gesture may have been enough. Jesus, what happens if I get a reputation for being nice??

But I'm being nice under duress: these are extraordinary circumstances. I'm taking a very Taoist approach, refraining from pushing the river. Whatever flows into my hands is what I'll deal with in that moment. Nothing else to be done. That's always true, but it's more obvious under these circumstances, when even the illusion of control and predictability has been stripped away.

I am reminded, repeatedly, of how blessed I am, in all areas of my life. At the moment, I am especially grateful for having work to do that can be so immeasurably gratifying. Yes, it feels good to be appreciated, to be liked, to be respected. More important, it feels good to be in a position that allows me to help, even if it's only by lightening the load in a crisis. I almost don't care about the actual work getting done (though of course eventually that will start to be a concern). I'm just glad to be here, doing what I do, getting paid for it, come hell or literal high water.

Well, it's easy to find parking...

This is going to be an odd semester. Students are all over the map in terms of how badly their lives have been affected by the storm and how ready they are to get back to school work. I haven't heard from a lot of them, which means either that they're not checking e-mail--or that they can't. Since I didn't have ready access to e-mail until Saturday night, I understand. And I count myself very fortunate: one student told me that her family is in a shelter, and I'm sure there are others in that position--or worse.

I am feeling profoundly addled at the moment. I know I have a lot of things to organize so I can move forward, but I'm having a difficult time figuring out the triage. I've told the students we're going to try to stay as much on schedule as possible, but I'm letting go of attendance policies, late paper/late homework policies--at least for now. Seven students managed to make it to the Short Story class today, and I heard from at least another five who couldn't make it. I'm getting a mixed bag of responses from 102 students; most are silent, a few are on top of things, a few are revising the papers that were due last Tuesday--which puts them way the hell behind the curve. All in all, herding cats would probably be significantly easier than trying to get my students in the same general area in terms of assignments.

The students in the Short Story class were a bit dazed and non-responsive, but as the class went on, they warmed up. I could get snarky with those who don't have logs and mini-papers today--because those should have been done before the storm hit (they were due last Monday). But I know that most of them hadn't done the work on Sunday, heard that classes would be canceled--and took the opportunity to coast. I can't much fault them, actually, as I did somewhat the same thing. The main thing is to get enough work collected that I can give them a reasonable grade--and heaven only knows how that will happen as they straggle back to campus over the next week or so.

I have gotten some very sweet e-mails--especially one from the Poor Dear Thing (or whatever I've been calling her)--thanking me for being concerned, for keeping them posted, for lightening the load. We're all going through a mental and emotional regrouping, and I've told them--and Paul, and myself--that school should be the least of our worries for a while. Take care of life first. The rest we'll figure out as we go along.

And just to add some excitement, the forecast is for rain and wind on Wednesday into Thursday. It's just a garden-variety autumnal storm, but imagine what this means for people who are without power, living with flooded basements, and so on. It's getting cold, too. Somehow I can't be too worried about assignments in the face of all this.

And yet, of course, I am. Not "too" worried, but concerned, certainly. It seems the cosmos wants to test my ability to stay in the present, not to try project into an unforeseeable future. I have no idea what to expect, and I have to accept that and simply roll with whatever comes.

I don't even know if I'll have enough gas to get to work on Wednesday. I'm OK for tomorrow, but I'm not sure beyond that (I'm keeping a close eye on that fuel gauge).

Breathing, breathing.

I'm going to return to my desk for a bit and try again to figure out the triage. The "fall back" to standard time means it feels later than the clocks say it is (my body is still on daylight savings), but I am scheduled to be here for another hour in my duties as evening supervisor, so I might as well put that time to some kind of use.