Snow!

And I don't mean that the students are trying to put something over; it really is snowing. I didn't think it was going to amount to much, and I think it won't stay long, but it was snowing significantly enough that I now understand why the admin decided to cancel evening classes (though at the time I thought it was a bit alarmist).

Back-tracking on the essay grading: I was on a roll to finish up before our department meeting today, but then the student I met with at 11 asked a lot of questions (and was sometimes confused about the answers, so I had to explain more carefully)--and then after we finished talking about her essay, she wanted to talk about advisement and her major.... I finally said to her, "I'm late for a meeting and I have other work I have to do"--but I didn't say that until she'd already been with me almost 40 minutes instead of the mandated 20. [heavy sigh.] So, I raced through the comments on the last essay I had to grade--I barely commented in the final stage of my response process--and fired off the email, then dashed down to the department meeting. I missed the first two, I think--or at least the last one, and Cathy has been sending out reproachful emails about the general lack of attendance, so I figured I'd at least briefly be the "good girl." I did, however, leave before the meeting was over. The last chunk of the meeting was given over to the bookstore reps, and since I am not going to be dealing with the campus bookstore in the future, I figured I could come up to the office and get something done.

What I got done was to remind myself of some photocopying I absolutely needed to do before Monday. I couldn't both pull together what I needed to copy and actually get the copying done before class, but just having the specific things pulled out was helpful.

Class was fine--and when I got there, I realized I hadn't reread the chapters I assigned for today. I read them while the class started talking--not, I confess, with as much careful attention as I would have normally, but still. I know I read fast (my father used to say I didn't read books; I inhale them), but students complain about having so much to read--and I could get it done in about 20 minutes. So even if we double, or triple that... Really? Too much?

I let the 102 students go a trifle early and quickly got the bare minimum copying done before my first conference of the afternoon--and then I had students pretty well back to back until just a little bit ago. I felt bad for the students who were arriving late, as by the time they were on their way in, the roads were pretty slippery and bad. But they dutifully arrived, and these were for the most part good students, so the conferences went well.

When I had a few moments here and there between students, I started (finally) logging the appointments in the Writing Center software, and I turned in the "attendance confirmation" tallies, which we have to do twice a year (and which are due tomorrow but needed to include attendance from today). Since my last appointment, I finished up the appointment logging, got the photocopies into the necessary folders, watered the plants, and packed up the final versions of essay 2 for the 102 class, which I hope to grade at least in part over the weekend. I was supposed to go out with a colleague tonight, but she needed to get home to Queens, so she bailed. I may be the only person left on campus other than the maintenance staff and public safety; it feels very empty and silent around here. So I'm going to go shove the worst of the snow off my car--and since I was primed to go out, I'm going to take myself out for dinner, in celebration of having survived this particular essay tsunami. There will be one more, at the end of the semester (and all three classes at once), but that's still on the horizon. However, as of Monday, we will officially be in the "hold on to the safety bar and scream" part of the semester. Wee-hawken.

Almost a miracle

I was doing so well on getting essays graded that I thought, "Oh, I can go to Advisement like a good girl." I absolutely knew I had time after my last appointment to hammer out the last two, especially as they were likely to be good.

Well, no. If I had been more fierce with the last student I met with today and had shooed him out of the office at the end of his official 20 minute appointment, I'd have had a chance--but he is the one who doesn't want to think, and yet I know he's smart--and he not only wanted to understand what he could do to improve, he admitted to feeling so frustrated and negative that he wants to just quit. I talked him off that metaphoric ledge, but ... well, I was nicer than I needed to be, and I don't regret it, as I think it helped him at least some.

The only reason I'm not in a flat panic tonight, thinking I am completely screwed is I realized--after I posted last night--that I could simply get up early again tomorrow, get to the office by 9 (or as close to that as possible), and then I will be able to crank out those last two essays. I started one of them tonight--and unfortunately, it's not as good as I'd hoped it would be, but at least I have a start on it.

I also finally figured out how to access the wifi with my laptop, so that's saved me a couple of steps in terms of getting things back to the students.

Oh, yes, and the student who didn't show up yesterday did get in touch with me today. Several students have had trouble accessing their college email, and she'd forgotten when her appointment was and ... well, confluence of factors. But she's fine (which was my main worry), and we simply rescheduled her appointment for tomorrow. She'll be my last patient of the day.

Now, however, I need to pack up my laptop (and whatever else I'm taking home tonight, which will take a few minutes of looking around, hoping for visual clues, as my memory isn't very reliable). And I'll be in as early as I can manage tomorrow, but then this onslaught will be done. I am going out with a colleague after work tomorrow, so that will be my moment to breathe before I dive back down again.

And on that note, off I go.

HUGE risk

I have seven essays to grade for Thursday.

If I get in at 9 a.m., I have two hours before my first conference appointment (best case scenario, that's four essays); I have 40 minutes between that appointment and the next one (best case scenario, one and the start on another). If I bail on Advisement, I have two hours there: and even if I miss the "best case scenario" in the other time blocks, I'm hoping like mad that the two-hour window will give me enough time to finish. I feel bad about missing advisement yet again--especially because now things are getting very busy--but I have to do what I have to do.

I got a slight bit of a reprieve when I realized I'd been counting one student who never submitted an essay (the one I handed a withdrawal form to last week). One of the essays should be pretty good; one should be good but somewhat uneven. Two will probably hit that awkward place between too bad to have anything to say and so good there isn't much to say. Three will probably be pretty bad. It's a terrible thing to say (I am going to burn in hell, I know), but I rather hope they're so bad I can knock them off in a huge hurry.

I also hate to say but I caught a break today when the last student scheduled missed her appointment. I am concerned about her--she's very good and very conscientious--but it was nice to have that chunk of time, particularly as the student before her showed up early (and my other appointments wrapped early), so I gained almost a full half hour. (In another minor triumph, I got all the homework for the 102 finished up while they were talking about the novel, so the stack of stuff has diminished slightly, even though I also collected more homework from them today.)

I'm a bit concerned about my ability to get up early enough to get here by 9 tomorrow--but if I don't, I can't see how I can get through everything. And in order to have any chance of getting in that early, I needed to be home an hour ago. I was tempted to leave, but I knew I truly had to get at least a few of the essays for Thursday marked tonight or I'd be completely, utterly screwed. And in the absolute worst-case scenario, I will have to finish up one or two when I get home after my usual Wednesday appointment (which has been canceled two weeks in a row, so I'm really not going to cancel again).

It's weird to admit, but lately, when I've said I "have" to get X or Z done, I've thought, "Well, if I were in the hospital I wouldn't, or if I had the flu." I'm not ill-wishing myself; I'm just reminding myself that there is always another option in the worst worst case.

But that worst worst case will not, I trust, occur. I'm going to have faith that I can somehow get through them all--and then take a deep breath before diving back down into the revisions for the 102 students and all the accumulated homework. Off I go, staggering into the night...

Screwed by technology again

I just finished the essays I needed to grade for tomorrow, so, yes: I'm officially kinda fucked. I have more essays to grade for Wednesday than was originally the case, as two submitted essays late. Both were very late, and if I were more of a hard-ass, I wouldn't accept them at all, but I will at least give some overall feedback and a grade, albeit one reduced by late penalties.

So, I have six to grade for Wednesday. Ten for Thursday.

Fucked.

But it's not entirely my fault for having not pushed myself hard enough over the weekend. There's a long and boring story here, but essentially, the version of Adobe Pro that the college provided doesn't actually work very well, so after struggling with it all day, I ended up coming home to finish up on the computer here--which has a version of Adobe Pro that I actually pay for each year but that works, god dammit. So, tomorrow, I have to schlep the laptop to campus so I can work without the annoying, time-consuming glitches.

Ah well.

And as is usually the case, the night when I'm working latest is going to precede a morning when I have to get up extra early. That may be true for the next two mornings, in fact. And I don't know whether I'll be able to be a good girl and go to Advisement on Wednesday as I currently plan or whether those two hours will become absolutely essential to finishing the work. I already have requested permission to bail on P&B tomorrow. Again: two hours, and two that I desperately need. Cathy may say "no," which would be understandable, but man, I hope she takes pity on me.

And someone else can do the minutes.

Now, however, the cat and I are both very hungry. I can't speak for the cat, but I also know I need to start winding down ASAP. So, that's all for now. Until tomorrow.

That's a little better, anyway.

I did get a good lick in at the work today--and I wasn't anywhere near as exhausted, thank god. I still am packing it in earlier than I probably "should"; this is a calculated risk that I might well regret by the time Wednesday rolls around, but somehow I think I'll manage. I do still have four essays to grade for Tuesday conferences, which is a bit of a worry--but then again, I gave myself a fair amount of time before I start conferencing tomorrow, and there will be a few large gaps between students in the afternoon, as well as time after the last conference, assuming I don't fall apart at 5:30 again. I haven't calculated how many hours I have to work in versus how many essays I have to grade, but ... well, I do know that, one way or another, I'll get everything taken care of. Whether I can also get the homework marked for 102 is a different issue, but we'll see how things play out tomorrow and Tuesday morning.

I can't even comment on the quality of the essays, except to note that a couple of the students seem pretty damned confused about what the issues actually are. But truly, mostly what I keep thinking is just, "I have to do this one more time. That's all: one more time."

Worrying myself a bit...

I am starting to feel some concern over the depths of my exhaustion. I got a fair amount of sleep last night, and I still feel like I haven't slept in a month. I got a few papers graded--nowhere near the quota I had set myself--and it's only a little after 5 p.m., and I almost feel like I can't see. I certainly can't concentrate.

Also, I have mixed feelings about the fact that a few students did, in fact, submit their essays late. One is a student who is potentially very good indeed; I'd have been unhappy if he hadn't submitted. (One of the students who is still AWOL is also potentially very good, but I'm not going to chase her down. Maybe I should--she's worth reaching out to--but I'd rather talk to her about what's going on, especially as I already chased her down some over her first essay.) One student hasn't in fact submitted yet, but he tried--or said he tried--last night and couldn't find the link. It's there, but he missed the entire first essay, so he's struggling with the whole process and missed the day when I went over how to find things. One of the very annoying blips in Blackboard these days is that the course menu on the left can disappear and be replaced with a blue band down the side. I didn't know what the hell to do the first time I saw that--but I knew there should be something on the left, so I clicked on the blue band and, behold!, the course menu appeared. But a student who has never seen the Blackboard page before won't know that there should be something there, so wouldn't know to try to get at it. So I can understand that he had trouble--and I wrote an email talking him through the process--but I don't quite know why I'm bothering; he's missed so much work, he can't pass. I guess I'm bothering because he wants to try, and I don't want to discourage the effort, even though it comes too late.

Writing that reminded me of another young woman who needs to withdraw. When she came to class on Tuesday, in fact, I handed her a withdrawal slip--but I didn't explain the process to her, and I'm afraid she will think the withdrawal is complete. It isn't, and for various reasons that I don't fully understand, we are no longer allowed to give students a W; they have to complete the process by taking the form to the Registrar. It is possible--though complicated--to do a change of grade to a W, but it has to be done through a paper form, not online. Well, I'll fret about her for a little bit, too.

Anyway, the upshot of all of this is that I am once again going to kick things down the road, and hope like hell I can get a good, strong day of work in tomorrow--without being so tired my eyes feel sandpapered. I will say--apropos of nothing except the "interruptions" of the day--that the documentary about Le Guin that I watched this afternoon was absolutely worth the trip to the City and the disruption of my grading. I hope it appears in some form that allows it wider viewership; it is quite wonderful.

And with that, I'm going to turn into something more vegetable than animal until tomorrow. Eleven essays to grade tomorrow, god help me. But that's tomorrow. Tomorrow is not today, thank God.

"I have to, I have to... oh, well, maybe not."

I've been telling myself all day that I have to get at least eight, or five, or four, essays marked today, despite lack of sleep, despite time out for life maintenance (some of it crucial, having to do with finances and retirement). I've been in a bit of a tizzy because I know I'm going to lose time tomorrow to my jaunt in to the City to see a documentary about Le Guin, which I insist upon doing, despite the chunk it will take out of my day. And when, when, when will I get all those essays graded???

Well, not today, apparently. I tried to grade the first one--and I can't focus well enough to evaluate it with any confidence. Am I being too hard on it? Too lenient? I honest to god cannot tell at all.

So, I'm once again kicking a can down the road. Or maybe kicking a potential landmine down the road. I have been saved by the fact that three students with conference times on Monday did not submit essays--and that means, even if they submit before the window closes entirely, I am under no obligation to mark them or respond in any way. One student submitted but does not yet have a conference time--and hasn't contacted me about getting one. One student is completely AWOL: no conference time, no essay, no nothing.

Anyway, I am conceding defeat at this point. I can't get any productive grading done. Man, I hope I sleep tonight, as another day of this kind of mental (and physical) exhaustion will not only be hard to take in general, it will wreak havoc on the grading. The time will come when "I 'have' to" becomes "I have to." But it isn't there yet.