"Next time I do this ... oh, wait."

Earlier I found myself, thinking, "Well, next semester I'll have to be more careful about how much time I allow myself to grade..." and then I thought, "Next semester, I won't be grading. At all."

The "I need to plan better" thought came because I talked to the students in the 102, and to my dismay, almost all of them want to conference with me on their final essays. I'll try to talk a few more of them out of it, but if I can't, I've had to come up with a slight modification to the process, as there's no way in hell I can get thirteen essays graded in 24 hours or less. Even getting five graded in that time frame would be a hell of a push. I just decided that I'll offer conferences on the day after their essays are due--but if anyone chooses a conference time that day, they'll have to bring a hard copy to conference, and I'll comment and grade on the fly. I'll have more appointments on the Thursday, when the students usually have class, and I'll try my damndest to get things graded using the old system prior to any of those conferences--hoping there won't be too many of them. Nevertheless, talking more of them out of the conference is a really good idea, especially as I also will be conferencing with students from the 101s earlier in the week. I'll be grading those on the fly, but just the time conferencing eats up grading time  On the other hand, for the 102, I am stating very clearly that if they are at all late submitting to Turnitin, I won't conference with them: they get comments if their essay is less than 24 hours late; after that, no comments at all.

I think that will do it.

Radical shift of gears here, but earlier today I remembered that I hadn't put something in yesterday's blog, and it must be recorded.

In Advisement yesterday, I met with a young woman who is just completing her first semester. She wants to withdraw from a number of her courses, primarily because she isn't doing well. She told me that she was taking a couple of courses online, and she hasn't turned in any homework all semester--and only just realized that the homework is a significant portion of her grade. Why didn't she realize that homework "counts"? Because it didn't in high school. Why else? Because she didn't understand that a syllabus isn't just an assignment schedule: at least in theory, it should explain exactly what the grade is based on and other matters of great significance.

OK, I thought, well, there's the learning curve--and that level of ignorance is one of the reasons there is a push to require that every freshman take an "intro to college" course. (We have one now, but it's only required for students who are placed in more than one remedial course.)

So, she and I continued to talk, and she told me that her mother had signed her up for all her classes; she didn't know why her mother had made the choices she did (and her mother doesn't have any fucking idea what the degree requirements are, so had signed her daughter up for courses that were not required--or in at least one case, even beneficial). Then--and here's where I was so stunned I could hardly think how to respond--she told me that, even though she keeps telling her father she wants to do her own work, he does it all for her. He writes all her papers for her. In one particular instance, she'd told him she wanted to write her own history paper. He wrote it for her, and when she asked why, he said, "Well, you were on your phone"--as if her paper could only be done if it were done that specific instance.

I explained to the student that she and her father were guilty of plagiarism. She was shocked. I explained that plagiarism isn't just copying and pasting something from the web: it's passing someone else's work off as your own. I told her the possible ramifications of being caught--and explained how she might be caught. I also said that, if her father continues to do her work for her, it's his degree, not hers: he's stealing that from her.

But all I can think is, what the fuck is wrong with those parents?? I said to the student that her father is not actually helping her in any way; he's making things worse for her. I want to go to that house and scream at those parents. The analogy I used with the student was, it's as if her father never let her learn how to walk but carried her everywhere, because he was afraid she might fall down. I hardly know what to say about it. It's so completely, utterly appalling, so maddening, so unjust, so fucking stupid, I can only splutter. And unfortunately, I can't help that poor young woman. If she can't stand up to her parents and grab hold of her own life, she's not going to have one to life. I couldn't even get into making suggestions for how she should deal with her parents, but man, I wish I could have. But really, I just want to metaphorically beat some sense into those idiot parents.

And the worst part of it is, I bet there are thousands of parents just like that out there. I ... I can't figure out what to say.

Whew.

Shifting gears again, today's 101 was, as usual, lively and interesting. I did get that huge wodge of stuff back to them today--and did it while still going to Advisement--but I collected only half of their homework: the most important part for me to mark and get back to them. I asked them to keep the other half, as I just can't add anything more to the stacks of shit I have in hand. I've put way more in my wheelie pack than I can realistically hope to get through this weekend, so I suspect I'm going to have to call in "sick" to Advisement at least one day next week. But we'll see how it goes.

Right now, I'm falling over tired--despite having gotten a pretty good night's sleep last night (and waking up spontaneously before the alarm)--so I'm going to water the plants and trundle off into the weekend with bag and baggage.

Well, hmmmm.

Not quite sure how to call it, in terms of getting the pile of ancient homework marked for tomorrow's 101 before class. To no one's vast surprise, I did not get in early today (the alarm went off at six, and I was awake long enough to turn it off and reset it for seven). And, as I mentioned yesterday, I lose my usual Thursday morning time tomorrow to make up time in Advisement. I know I could bail on Advisement, calling on the migraine excuse, but I've done that so many times this semester, even I'm getting tired of it. I will have about an hour and change after the 102 in which to crank through stuff, but ... will that be enough time? I suppose it might be, if I don't actually pay much attention to what I'm reading and just slap marks on things based primarily on length--and much of it is so old I really don't need to comment at all--but on the other hand, I'm still holding on to several quizzes, and those I do need to read carefully enough to make sure the answers are, in fact correct.

Don't know. I can take stuff to Advisement with me, of course, and hope for lulls in the parade, but ... that's risky.

I just don't know yet how to call it. I probably won't decide until I get up tomorrow, which is OK, as long as--if I do decide to claim sick time in Advisement--I let them know as much before my scheduled gig as possible. As I'm writing this, I keep thinking, "Maybe I can get a little more done tonight," but I should know myself better. My surface thought when I decided to shift over to writing this blog post was "it may take me a while, and I have to leave before six, so I should do that now," but I have to acknowledge that the underlying thought was, "I don't think I can face another of these right now."

I suppose I also should confess that I lost some time this morning to contacting that student who probably thinks I "dropped" her from the class. Yesterday, I said I would consider myself to have exhausted all options after telephoning, but today--since I couldn't even leave a voice mail at the number she provided--I decided to mail a letter to the address on file for her. And now I really have done everything I can do. I also spent some time scheduling my annual vision appointment--and, since I can't get in to see the doctor until January, I am already glad that I opted to continue that coverage for another 18 months, even though I have to pay for the coverage. (It's really a tiny payment--under $10 per month, I think--and although it only covers one pair of glasses, not two, I can get a pair or two now, under the coverage I have, and then get a third in January if I want.)

In any event, because I spent some time on those two things, I had less time to mark than I might have otherwise. But it sure felt good to cross those things off the triage list.

As for today's class, it went unusually well. Of course they still wouldn't talk much when I shifted them out of small groups and into the class as a whole, but instead of just checking in with each group and then moving on, I opted to stay and talk with each group for a while, which they liked. The article they read for today had a statement to the effect that one of the things being lost in the siren call of smart phones is time (and inclination) to daydream. One student asked me if I daydream. "Yes," I said, rather startled. "Do you?" He said he realized he hadn't really done any of that since he was "a kid." So we talked some about how daydreaming is different from zoning out--and from life planning (the endless loop of what we need to remember to take care of next and next and next). So I shared with them the fact that, at the moment, most of my daydreaming is about what my retired life in Montana might be like. They were fascinated--and wanted to hear more about what life in Montana is like in general. Very quiet? Yes. Is it all just ranches? No: there are "cities," though nothing we'd consider a "city" in this area. But the weather can be bad, right? Oh, yeah. In some areas last year--though not, mercifully, where my family are--the snow was up to the eaves. And so on.

But we also got into a conversation in which a bunch of them  were trying to say that they could use their phones when they are driving in safe ways: only at stop signs or stop lights, only if the road is straight and there is no one in front of or behind them, and so on. So first I talked about a rather shattering video in which a young woman whose family was killed by a distracted driver talks to teens who made the same kinds of justifications. Then, much to my surprise, I told them that, when my eldest nephew had his fatal car accident, he was on a cell phone. And I very nearly teared up. I said, "I don't want any of you to go through that. Or to be the cause of someone else going through it." I doubt they really took that in; I don't expect they will ignore their phones entirely when they are driving. But I sure wish they would. (And even I am guilty of occasionally transgressing, though I get angry with myself when I do.)

It will be very interesting to find out if they have "ask the professor anything" questions on the end-of-semester wrap-up day. I'll try to remember to bring in my dissertation, which is always good for some conversation.

That's not now, however. Nineteen days, not counting today. A colleague asked me today if I'm counting down the days, but I really haven't been keeping track in my mind. It's been shocking enough to realize that there really are only two weeks left (and then the wrap-up/frantic grading/paperwork week). But after Advisement today, walking back to the office, I started wondering how that last class meeting is going to feel--with each individual class but especially with the very last one, on Tuesday, Dec. 18, at 4 p.m. Fucking surreal.

Again, however, that's not now. That's not just another day, that's another week (even another month, since it is still November, though barely). Meanwhile, I keep breathing through each day as it comes and trying to keep panic at bay by reminding myself that somehow, it all gets done. It's a mystery, but it does.

I won't respect myself in the morning...

I know I'm probably fucking myself over, especially as I realized earlier today that both this week and next, I have to make up time in Advisement, so my usual big chunk of time on Thursday mornings has just vanished. I have so much to wade through, I am not at all sure how I will manage to do it; I just know that I will, in fact, manage to do it.

As for the change in the schedule for the 101s, I split the difference with today's class: I did run it past them first, but I let them know that this is not a democratic process, so I would make the executive decision. Most of them are happy with the "one and done" option, and I should be able to accommodate the few who actually want to conference with me. I'll distribute the handouts to both classes the next time I see them--and I am delighted to know that I will now collect essays much earlier than originally scheduled, at least for the 101s.

I'm still a little panicky around the edges about the 102, but I did go over the essay assignment and research requirement with them today--and I told them that conferences will be optional. I really hope a lot of them opt out.

I had a long talk with the Train Wreck student after class. He'd left his book in class on Thursday, but of course it never occurred to him that he might check with me to see if I'd retrieved it--and in fact, I sent a class email stating that I had found "someone's" book (I knew damned well whose it was) and would  be leaving it on my office door. It's still there. I told him where he could find it and let him leave class to go get it. He came back in and told me that it wasn't on my desk. I reminded him that I had said "It's on my office door," and while I grant you that both words start with D, there is a difference--and to get to my desk, he had to walk past the door that has a large envelope with a big sign saying "Prof. Payne's 102 student" on it, which he clearly didn't see at all. I can't fully fault him for that; we often don't see what we're not looking to find. But this is a pattern of disorganized and undisciplined behavior from this kid, and I'm more than a little over it. I was very kind and compassionate when I spoke to him after class, but I told him he really should withdraw. (And he really should.) He finally agreed that doing so would probably be in his best interest--but he wants to see his grade on his second essay before he does. Dammit. That means I have to grade the fucking thing. Ah well.

I've also been stewing all weekend about a student from the T/Th 101. I think I mentioned her last week: the last time she came to class, I gave her a withdrawal slip--but I realize she probably thinks I "dropped" her from the class, which, in fact, I cannot do. (And I will only bitch about that by saying I could bitch about that.) I've sent her an email about it, but of course she's the kind of student who doesn't check email. So I'll call her tomorrow; I hope I can reach her. If not, well, I've tried all I can try. At some point, the responsibility for the outcome really does rest with the student.

But sometimes it is my responsibility. One of the students in class today asked if I still had a lot of work. Yes, I said, I do. He said, "Like, a lot." I again said that he is correct, and I said, "I'm drowning." He said, "Take your time"--which clearly is just him being nice, as he obviously wants the stuff back. And he's right: I've had it a ridiculously long time. So the plan at the moment is for me to come in earlier than usual tomorrow to see how much I can crank through before class and Advisement. There was a lull in Advisement today, when I first got there, and of course I hadn't brought any work with me, anticipating a constant influx of students. So I walked back to the office to grab stuff to mark--and, again of course--shortly after I got back, the influx began, so I didn't get anything marked. I know I can't count on such a lull tomorrow, but this time, I will take work with me, just in case.

Shifting gears, but when I got back to the office after today's 101, I copied the revised schedule for the final two weeks and the revised assignment handout. I have sorted those into the appropriate folders, and I have put all the student work I have collected into the proper stacks. I quickly made corrections to the P&B minutes for last week (I'll probably write up this week's on Thursday, as usual). And now, I am catastrophically tired. I am heading home, hoping for enough sleep that I can do that early morning start. I haven't been terribly successful with that plan so far this semester, but hope springs eternal.

And with that, my cherished readers, I am off. I'm also leaving.

Probably the wrong priorities

I did get some grading done this weekend, though I shifted focus part way through and instead of trying to get the essays graded for the 102 class, I decided to chunk through the accumulated homework for the M/W 101. And indeed, I did get that returned to them today. I made a start on the similar mountain for tomorrow's 101, but I didn't get very far. Instead, I spent a fair amount of time pulling together the final essay assignment (and apparatus to go with) for the 102, and just now I reworked the assignment schedule and final essay assignment for the 101s. Since the changes also mean a change in grading policy, I also wrote up a little contract, so those who opt to put all their metaphoric eggs in one basket have signed off on the potential consequence in terms of their final grades.

Of course, I haven't floated any of this past the T/Th 101 yet--and honestly, I'm not sure I will. I'm afraid I might get more protest from them ("but we want conferences!!"), and I can't have different policies for both classes. I may present them with the fait accompli. I am allowing an option for those who do want to conference with me, though I won't have much time. I don't think more than one or two students in the M/W class will want a conference--and I have more time on Monday. I may leave the option open for students in the T/Th class to see me either on Monday or Tuesday; that way I can surely accommodate everyone.

I still am going to be at least somewhat slammed with grading for the 102 students. I gave myself a tiny bit more time, but not a lot, so a lot will ride on how many want to see me for conferences.

And--as is usual now that we've hit this portion of the roller-coaster ride--I'm having miniature waves of panic when I think about how much I have to turn around really very quickly so the students have what they need before the final essays are due. Essentially, everything I currently have in my hands has to be back to them by the beginning of next week at the absolute latest. Yikes and likewise zoiks. And yet, ah well. This is the last gasp, the final finish line to be crossed. I'm stumbling and staggering, as usual, but I know I will make it, though I may fall splat on the other side.

The chunk of time I usually have on Mondays after my class got filled up with visits from two students and a phone call with our campus point person for trouble with Turnitin (and there has been a lot of trouble with it this semester, not just in my classes). One of the students was the budding attorney from today's 101, who wanted to know what classes he should sign up for for next semester. I showed him the degree evaluation, "Schedule Builder" (which--rather unusually for this campus--actually is beneficial for students), and showed him other options for how to make his schedule work. Tedious--and really not my job, not only because I wasn't wearing my "Academic Advisement" hat but also because he is in the Business degree, so technically, he should be advised by them. But whatever. I know how to do it, so I did. Then the Young Philosopher, the Zen Student, came to ask me if I'd be willing to write a letter of recommendation for him (of course, and happily), and then we talked some about transfer to SUNY-Purchase. He was thinking he wanted to get into their creative writing program--but he's never done any creative writing, so that obviously wouldn't work. He only needs two classes to graduate next spring, so there is no real reason for him to take any of our CW classes--except that we have some amazingly good writers and teachers in the program, and it would give him a taste (and a chance to maybe build a little bit of a portfolio). I suggested that he talk to one of my colleagues, who is genuinely a bit of a star in literary circles but who also is just a super-neat guy, very friendly and helpful. I hope they do connect: I think that could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship (without a trip to Casablanca required).

In any event, given all that, and despite taking work with me down to the main office for my Monday "babysitting" stint (being an adult presence in the office so the student aide isn't all alone), the stack of work to be done didn't diminish by much today. So I'm sure there is more I could/should do tonight, given those waves of panic, but I'm looking at it all and my mind is making the grinding noises of something trying to operate on too little battery power. I will see what I can accomplish on Wednesday, which is the next day in which I will have a significant chunk of time in which to grind through stuff. So, I'm not even thinking about the fact that tomorrow is another day; I'm skipping right over that to the next "tomorrow." But I won't project beyond that. I'll just drive carefully home through the flooded streets and return here to start all over in the morning.

Working out a solution

I talked to the students in today's 101, and given their responses about the scheduling SNAFU I created, I'm working out a plan that changes the flow of the final essay--and (bonus points) lets me collect it earlier, so the last days of the semester I can spend grading, in the time-honored tradition of "Individual Grade Conferences in My Office" (which translates as "You can see me if you want, but I'm just as happy if you don't"). Because the shift I'm contemplating requires a change in the grading structure as set out in the syllabus, I think I'm going to make students sign something that indicates they understand and agree to the ramifications for their grades.

I haven't got all the details fully worked out in my head (and won't bore you all with them anyway), but I think I have a way to make it work for the majority of the students, who do not want to do two versions or have conferences with me, as well as for the minority, who do. I had hoped to crank through writing up the changes when I got to the office after Advisement, but fortunately, when I sat down at the computer, the notes from yesterday's P&B meeting were staring me in the face, so I did those instead. I don't want to have to fuss with them on Monday, and the other members of the committee need time to read them over before the meeting.

I do have to leave myself a huge note to look at the two sabbatical applications that I have not yet reviewed; that will be a task for Monday, as we need to finalize the applications in P&B on Tuesday.

And of course I have filled my wheelie-pack with way more work than I can possibly do over the weekend, even if I am far more diligent and focused than I ever manage to be (unless my hair is on fire, metaphorically speaking). That begs the question why, in that case, I'm bothering to schlep it all home, and I don't have a good answer for that--except, I guess, that I hope just seeing the enormous stack of shit will remind me how much more there is for me to do. I mean, it really is absurd. And the work hasn't stopped coming in, just because I'm idiotically behind the grading curve.

I'm also taking home the scratched up copy of the final essay assignment for 102, which still needs some work (as I believe I mentioned yesterday). Who knows what I'll actually do, but it's good to have several options, all of which would be productive.

In the "well, that's done" column, I did photocopy all the rest of the readings for the 101s for this semester and got them sorted and into the appropriate accordion folders. I was going to copy the essay assignment, too, until I realized the changes I am contemplating need to be clearly spelled out on the assignment sheet. So later for that.

Now, I think my only remaining task for today is to water the plants and make sure I know where my glasses and glasses case are--preferably that they are together in one location (after a few weeks of being able to find one but not the other). I kinda think that's it for now. I may post over the weekend, if anything noteworthy comes up as I get through however much of the work I get through. Meanwhile, for those of you who are in my U.S. readership, may you have a day for which to be thankful tomorrow. Actually, I have the same wish for everyone, whether you celebrate Thanksgiving or not. Gratitude is always good to remember to express.

The stacks are getting exponentially higher...

The stacks of "to do" work are getting ridiculously large. Some of it is deceptive: the revisions of essays come with lots of other stuff attached (the first version, some indication of what was done in revision, articles the students found for the 101s), but I still have to look at all the bits, even if I'm only evaluating the revised essay itself. And then the homework stacks. Also a bit deceptive, as for the 101s, I have the actual printouts of the articles the students read, along with their notes on the reading. Nevertheless, it really is completely ridiculous.

And answers the question "What will you do with Thanksgiving weekend, Prof. P?" I hope I actually do some of the work this time, instead of simply dragging it home and back again. I have a markedly rose-colored sense of how much time I actually have during the week to do much of anything, which is hard to recognize as unduly optimistic when I am at home and longing just to snuggle up with a good book and a cat and cups of tea.

Well, the time for that will come.

Today's classes both went pretty well. I have no complaints about either one. The students from 102 are (for the most part) latching on to the details in the novel in a lovely way; the students from today's 101 can always be counted on to participate in class discussion and to have good ideas.

Among other things I need to do is to rework the final essay topic for the 102 class. It's close, but I want somehow to also provide information about how to do the research. That can't be part of the essay assignment--which is already far too long and detailed--but they do need the information, and I can't be sure I'll have time to go over any of it with them in class.

So that gets tacked on the rest of the "things to do" list, along with P&B minutes (which I will do after my Advisement stint tomorrow, I hope) and other things that I'm almost certainly forgetting.

I'm sure there is more I could record about today, but nothing springs to mind. Often as I am walking from point A to point B on campus, I am planning what I might put in the post of the day, or mulling possible titles, but today, my mind is either engaged in the task immediately at hand or essentially making white noise. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Because, you realize, it is another day.

Hold on to the safety bar...

We're officially in that part of the semester. I meet with my classes nine more times. Nine. That's still five weeks, counting this one--which I will count, because, despite being a truncated week, I've only completed the first day of three--but somehow five weeks feels like a long time. Nine classes feels short. Well, shorter.

And if I look carefully at everything I have to do in those five weeks, I may start to hyperventilate: suddenly five weeks may seem insanely short. But still. However we look at it, the count down to "stick a fork in me" is speeding up.

I confess that I did absolutely nothing with all the work I took home to grade over the weekend. I did read the chapters in the novel that I have to talk about tomorrow, but that's it. So, at least part of Thanksgiving weekend will be spent grading. It is now officially impossible to do any of our own work in Advisement. The parade of students is pretty well continual. The line of those waiting may momentarily get a bit shorter, but then it fills back in again. The silver lining to that particular scenario is that the time does whip by when the students come in back-to-back like that.

Um, what else. I did some reading today of the articles turned up by the research into the socio-historical context for the novel. I think I mentioned that students can choose either to do research into literary criticism (which is not easy for them) or into the context, but I need to make sure the assignment sheet covers the bases and makes that research as simple for them as possible. I'm not entirely thrilled with what we can turn up for research into socio-historical context, but whatever. It gets the job done: I am required to teach them "information literacy," and I'm doing that. I'm keeping the bar pretty damned low because I don't want to have to deal with students who can't get over it. Of course, some will fall in that category anyway, but that's how it rolls.

A bunch of students were missing today in 101; I think there's another wave of attrition happening, but we'll see how deep it goes. They had a little more to say about the topic we're embarking on next--"social technology"--but not much. I bored them stupid with a lesson about comma use, which I tried to enliven a little by using my family for the examples. (Didn't work very well. They just are not reachable, for the most part. Ah well.)

And tomorrow will be whatever tomorrow may be. I did reply--belatedly--to some emails about P&B business, which doesn't entirely redeem me, given the ways in which I've been pretty functionally useless on that committee, but it scratched the guilty conscience at least a little. And I'll go to the meeting tomorrow like a good little soldier and take minutes. I don't know when I'll get them written up, but I'll at least take the notes. Maybe I can do them Wednesday after Advisement, before I scamper away from campus to enjoy an extra, bonus morning of no alarm clock.

I'm sure there's more I could say about the day, but that sums it up well enough for now. Just turning the crank, as my dad would say: mule in the traces walking the endless circle. And counting down the days.