Struggle continues

Fighting a migraine all day, which makes helping struggling students particularly difficult. I've been trying to work with a student from 102 who does not appear to have read the book: I don't know how else to account for the total lack of comprehension of even the most basic issues. I don't have it in me to give her much more guidance. Same goes for another student: in both cases, I need to see some signs of intelligent life, and if I don't, I see no reason why these students should pass. Axes may be falling. I'm giving three students (the two aforementioned and one other who has a pretty good shot at getting something going) until Friday to come up with something--possibly unwisely. I should probably drop the axe now, at least for the two who don't seem to get it at all. I should probably have dropped it at the beginning of the week. I may be giving them a false sense of hope: if they're so utterly incapable of coming up with a working thesis at this juncture, what hope have they of writing an entire paper by the beginning of next week--or at least of writing anything that has a chance of passing? Some hope, perhaps, but certainly not a hell of a lot.

Sigh.

Earlier I was feeling good because I got all the accumulated homework for today's 102 marked and back to them, was sure I'd be able to return everything to the poetry students this afternoon, and then be in good shape for tomorrow's classes. Unfortunately, instead, I spent a lot of the between class break lying on the office floor, consciously trying to relax neck and shoulder muscles in a vain attempt to curtail the incursion of a railroad spike into my right temple. I know this is my body saying "you must slow down, you must get some sleep, you must let go," but jeezus I wish it wouldn't say it quite so loudly at this particular point in time. I need to get this work done, and I simply cannot when I am in this state.

Not sure what's happening with tonight's steak fest either: the colleague who instigated the whole thing just came by the office saying she's going home, cannot go out tonight, has no appetite. I thought she was ill--she looked about like I feel--but no. Turns out she is simply too furious with how the P&B run-off election is being run and has to go home and be enraged for a while, get the hell away from this place until she cools down.

Long complicated story, but she's angry because the decision was not to start over from scratch: the person who got enough votes on the old, incorrect ballot, is elected (he was the only one to get more than 50% of the votes), so the run-off is for two more full slots on the committee and two alternates. There are I think six of us in the running (yes, I stayed in the race: I'm leaving it up to fate, the gods, whatever). Let the chips fall where they may. Furious colleague feels that since the ballot was flawed, the entire thing should be invalidated and we should start over. She is certainly not alone in feeling that way. I won't go into the argument on the other side, but it's valid. But really, all the furor is over a two-year position on a departmental committee. In the grand scheme of things, even if there is a problem with how this election was run, one outcome will be that rules will be drawn up for how to deal with this kind of circumstance should it happen again. And whatever the election results, there will be another election next year, so the composition of the committee will continue to change. I grant you, it is a very important and politically sensitive committee, but still, I've gotten to the point where I feel we're losing perspective. And honestly, I simply can't get wound up about it. I had my moments of emotional upheaval; now I can't summon the energy. I've got other stuff to be fertutzed about.

In any event, I don't know what Paul will think about the whole steak thing, now that our other colleague is out of the picture. He and I did just go two weeks ago--but it also is pretty fun to go. I'll hang out here until he's here between his classes and we'll talk it over.

In the meantime, while I wait for him, I intend to do nothing that approaches work. I just met with a student and realized that I had given him incorrect feedback twice on his proposal, telling him he'd made a mistake when in fact he had not. And I made those mistakes before my head started to split. I recognize that I will accomplish nothing of value if I try to work in this condition, so I won't try. Whatever I can get done tomorrow before and after our department meeting, I'll do. Anything else, well, there's a weekend coming up. One way or another, it will all get done, by the end of next week. Pretty amazing, that.