"Next time I do this ... oh, wait."

Earlier I found myself, thinking, "Well, next semester I'll have to be more careful about how much time I allow myself to grade..." and then I thought, "Next semester, I won't be grading. At all."

The "I need to plan better" thought came because I talked to the students in the 102, and to my dismay, almost all of them want to conference with me on their final essays. I'll try to talk a few more of them out of it, but if I can't, I've had to come up with a slight modification to the process, as there's no way in hell I can get thirteen essays graded in 24 hours or less. Even getting five graded in that time frame would be a hell of a push. I just decided that I'll offer conferences on the day after their essays are due--but if anyone chooses a conference time that day, they'll have to bring a hard copy to conference, and I'll comment and grade on the fly. I'll have more appointments on the Thursday, when the students usually have class, and I'll try my damndest to get things graded using the old system prior to any of those conferences--hoping there won't be too many of them. Nevertheless, talking more of them out of the conference is a really good idea, especially as I also will be conferencing with students from the 101s earlier in the week. I'll be grading those on the fly, but just the time conferencing eats up grading time  On the other hand, for the 102, I am stating very clearly that if they are at all late submitting to Turnitin, I won't conference with them: they get comments if their essay is less than 24 hours late; after that, no comments at all.

I think that will do it.

Radical shift of gears here, but earlier today I remembered that I hadn't put something in yesterday's blog, and it must be recorded.

In Advisement yesterday, I met with a young woman who is just completing her first semester. She wants to withdraw from a number of her courses, primarily because she isn't doing well. She told me that she was taking a couple of courses online, and she hasn't turned in any homework all semester--and only just realized that the homework is a significant portion of her grade. Why didn't she realize that homework "counts"? Because it didn't in high school. Why else? Because she didn't understand that a syllabus isn't just an assignment schedule: at least in theory, it should explain exactly what the grade is based on and other matters of great significance.

OK, I thought, well, there's the learning curve--and that level of ignorance is one of the reasons there is a push to require that every freshman take an "intro to college" course. (We have one now, but it's only required for students who are placed in more than one remedial course.)

So, she and I continued to talk, and she told me that her mother had signed her up for all her classes; she didn't know why her mother had made the choices she did (and her mother doesn't have any fucking idea what the degree requirements are, so had signed her daughter up for courses that were not required--or in at least one case, even beneficial). Then--and here's where I was so stunned I could hardly think how to respond--she told me that, even though she keeps telling her father she wants to do her own work, he does it all for her. He writes all her papers for her. In one particular instance, she'd told him she wanted to write her own history paper. He wrote it for her, and when she asked why, he said, "Well, you were on your phone"--as if her paper could only be done if it were done that specific instance.

I explained to the student that she and her father were guilty of plagiarism. She was shocked. I explained that plagiarism isn't just copying and pasting something from the web: it's passing someone else's work off as your own. I told her the possible ramifications of being caught--and explained how she might be caught. I also said that, if her father continues to do her work for her, it's his degree, not hers: he's stealing that from her.

But all I can think is, what the fuck is wrong with those parents?? I said to the student that her father is not actually helping her in any way; he's making things worse for her. I want to go to that house and scream at those parents. The analogy I used with the student was, it's as if her father never let her learn how to walk but carried her everywhere, because he was afraid she might fall down. I hardly know what to say about it. It's so completely, utterly appalling, so maddening, so unjust, so fucking stupid, I can only splutter. And unfortunately, I can't help that poor young woman. If she can't stand up to her parents and grab hold of her own life, she's not going to have one to life. I couldn't even get into making suggestions for how she should deal with her parents, but man, I wish I could have. But really, I just want to metaphorically beat some sense into those idiot parents.

And the worst part of it is, I bet there are thousands of parents just like that out there. I ... I can't figure out what to say.

Whew.

Shifting gears again, today's 101 was, as usual, lively and interesting. I did get that huge wodge of stuff back to them today--and did it while still going to Advisement--but I collected only half of their homework: the most important part for me to mark and get back to them. I asked them to keep the other half, as I just can't add anything more to the stacks of shit I have in hand. I've put way more in my wheelie pack than I can realistically hope to get through this weekend, so I suspect I'm going to have to call in "sick" to Advisement at least one day next week. But we'll see how it goes.

Right now, I'm falling over tired--despite having gotten a pretty good night's sleep last night (and waking up spontaneously before the alarm)--so I'm going to water the plants and trundle off into the weekend with bag and baggage.

Well, hmmmm.

Not quite sure how to call it, in terms of getting the pile of ancient homework marked for tomorrow's 101 before class. To no one's vast surprise, I did not get in early today (the alarm went off at six, and I was awake long enough to turn it off and reset it for seven). And, as I mentioned yesterday, I lose my usual Thursday morning time tomorrow to make up time in Advisement. I know I could bail on Advisement, calling on the migraine excuse, but I've done that so many times this semester, even I'm getting tired of it. I will have about an hour and change after the 102 in which to crank through stuff, but ... will that be enough time? I suppose it might be, if I don't actually pay much attention to what I'm reading and just slap marks on things based primarily on length--and much of it is so old I really don't need to comment at all--but on the other hand, I'm still holding on to several quizzes, and those I do need to read carefully enough to make sure the answers are, in fact correct.

Don't know. I can take stuff to Advisement with me, of course, and hope for lulls in the parade, but ... that's risky.

I just don't know yet how to call it. I probably won't decide until I get up tomorrow, which is OK, as long as--if I do decide to claim sick time in Advisement--I let them know as much before my scheduled gig as possible. As I'm writing this, I keep thinking, "Maybe I can get a little more done tonight," but I should know myself better. My surface thought when I decided to shift over to writing this blog post was "it may take me a while, and I have to leave before six, so I should do that now," but I have to acknowledge that the underlying thought was, "I don't think I can face another of these right now."

I suppose I also should confess that I lost some time this morning to contacting that student who probably thinks I "dropped" her from the class. Yesterday, I said I would consider myself to have exhausted all options after telephoning, but today--since I couldn't even leave a voice mail at the number she provided--I decided to mail a letter to the address on file for her. And now I really have done everything I can do. I also spent some time scheduling my annual vision appointment--and, since I can't get in to see the doctor until January, I am already glad that I opted to continue that coverage for another 18 months, even though I have to pay for the coverage. (It's really a tiny payment--under $10 per month, I think--and although it only covers one pair of glasses, not two, I can get a pair or two now, under the coverage I have, and then get a third in January if I want.)

In any event, because I spent some time on those two things, I had less time to mark than I might have otherwise. But it sure felt good to cross those things off the triage list.

As for today's class, it went unusually well. Of course they still wouldn't talk much when I shifted them out of small groups and into the class as a whole, but instead of just checking in with each group and then moving on, I opted to stay and talk with each group for a while, which they liked. The article they read for today had a statement to the effect that one of the things being lost in the siren call of smart phones is time (and inclination) to daydream. One student asked me if I daydream. "Yes," I said, rather startled. "Do you?" He said he realized he hadn't really done any of that since he was "a kid." So we talked some about how daydreaming is different from zoning out--and from life planning (the endless loop of what we need to remember to take care of next and next and next). So I shared with them the fact that, at the moment, most of my daydreaming is about what my retired life in Montana might be like. They were fascinated--and wanted to hear more about what life in Montana is like in general. Very quiet? Yes. Is it all just ranches? No: there are "cities," though nothing we'd consider a "city" in this area. But the weather can be bad, right? Oh, yeah. In some areas last year--though not, mercifully, where my family are--the snow was up to the eaves. And so on.

But we also got into a conversation in which a bunch of them  were trying to say that they could use their phones when they are driving in safe ways: only at stop signs or stop lights, only if the road is straight and there is no one in front of or behind them, and so on. So first I talked about a rather shattering video in which a young woman whose family was killed by a distracted driver talks to teens who made the same kinds of justifications. Then, much to my surprise, I told them that, when my eldest nephew had his fatal car accident, he was on a cell phone. And I very nearly teared up. I said, "I don't want any of you to go through that. Or to be the cause of someone else going through it." I doubt they really took that in; I don't expect they will ignore their phones entirely when they are driving. But I sure wish they would. (And even I am guilty of occasionally transgressing, though I get angry with myself when I do.)

It will be very interesting to find out if they have "ask the professor anything" questions on the end-of-semester wrap-up day. I'll try to remember to bring in my dissertation, which is always good for some conversation.

That's not now, however. Nineteen days, not counting today. A colleague asked me today if I'm counting down the days, but I really haven't been keeping track in my mind. It's been shocking enough to realize that there really are only two weeks left (and then the wrap-up/frantic grading/paperwork week). But after Advisement today, walking back to the office, I started wondering how that last class meeting is going to feel--with each individual class but especially with the very last one, on Tuesday, Dec. 18, at 4 p.m. Fucking surreal.

Again, however, that's not now. That's not just another day, that's another week (even another month, since it is still November, though barely). Meanwhile, I keep breathing through each day as it comes and trying to keep panic at bay by reminding myself that somehow, it all gets done. It's a mystery, but it does.

I won't respect myself in the morning...

I know I'm probably fucking myself over, especially as I realized earlier today that both this week and next, I have to make up time in Advisement, so my usual big chunk of time on Thursday mornings has just vanished. I have so much to wade through, I am not at all sure how I will manage to do it; I just know that I will, in fact, manage to do it.

As for the change in the schedule for the 101s, I split the difference with today's class: I did run it past them first, but I let them know that this is not a democratic process, so I would make the executive decision. Most of them are happy with the "one and done" option, and I should be able to accommodate the few who actually want to conference with me. I'll distribute the handouts to both classes the next time I see them--and I am delighted to know that I will now collect essays much earlier than originally scheduled, at least for the 101s.

I'm still a little panicky around the edges about the 102, but I did go over the essay assignment and research requirement with them today--and I told them that conferences will be optional. I really hope a lot of them opt out.

I had a long talk with the Train Wreck student after class. He'd left his book in class on Thursday, but of course it never occurred to him that he might check with me to see if I'd retrieved it--and in fact, I sent a class email stating that I had found "someone's" book (I knew damned well whose it was) and would  be leaving it on my office door. It's still there. I told him where he could find it and let him leave class to go get it. He came back in and told me that it wasn't on my desk. I reminded him that I had said "It's on my office door," and while I grant you that both words start with D, there is a difference--and to get to my desk, he had to walk past the door that has a large envelope with a big sign saying "Prof. Payne's 102 student" on it, which he clearly didn't see at all. I can't fully fault him for that; we often don't see what we're not looking to find. But this is a pattern of disorganized and undisciplined behavior from this kid, and I'm more than a little over it. I was very kind and compassionate when I spoke to him after class, but I told him he really should withdraw. (And he really should.) He finally agreed that doing so would probably be in his best interest--but he wants to see his grade on his second essay before he does. Dammit. That means I have to grade the fucking thing. Ah well.

I've also been stewing all weekend about a student from the T/Th 101. I think I mentioned her last week: the last time she came to class, I gave her a withdrawal slip--but I realize she probably thinks I "dropped" her from the class, which, in fact, I cannot do. (And I will only bitch about that by saying I could bitch about that.) I've sent her an email about it, but of course she's the kind of student who doesn't check email. So I'll call her tomorrow; I hope I can reach her. If not, well, I've tried all I can try. At some point, the responsibility for the outcome really does rest with the student.

But sometimes it is my responsibility. One of the students in class today asked if I still had a lot of work. Yes, I said, I do. He said, "Like, a lot." I again said that he is correct, and I said, "I'm drowning." He said, "Take your time"--which clearly is just him being nice, as he obviously wants the stuff back. And he's right: I've had it a ridiculously long time. So the plan at the moment is for me to come in earlier than usual tomorrow to see how much I can crank through before class and Advisement. There was a lull in Advisement today, when I first got there, and of course I hadn't brought any work with me, anticipating a constant influx of students. So I walked back to the office to grab stuff to mark--and, again of course--shortly after I got back, the influx began, so I didn't get anything marked. I know I can't count on such a lull tomorrow, but this time, I will take work with me, just in case.

Shifting gears, but when I got back to the office after today's 101, I copied the revised schedule for the final two weeks and the revised assignment handout. I have sorted those into the appropriate folders, and I have put all the student work I have collected into the proper stacks. I quickly made corrections to the P&B minutes for last week (I'll probably write up this week's on Thursday, as usual). And now, I am catastrophically tired. I am heading home, hoping for enough sleep that I can do that early morning start. I haven't been terribly successful with that plan so far this semester, but hope springs eternal.

And with that, my cherished readers, I am off. I'm also leaving.

Probably the wrong priorities

I did get some grading done this weekend, though I shifted focus part way through and instead of trying to get the essays graded for the 102 class, I decided to chunk through the accumulated homework for the M/W 101. And indeed, I did get that returned to them today. I made a start on the similar mountain for tomorrow's 101, but I didn't get very far. Instead, I spent a fair amount of time pulling together the final essay assignment (and apparatus to go with) for the 102, and just now I reworked the assignment schedule and final essay assignment for the 101s. Since the changes also mean a change in grading policy, I also wrote up a little contract, so those who opt to put all their metaphoric eggs in one basket have signed off on the potential consequence in terms of their final grades.

Of course, I haven't floated any of this past the T/Th 101 yet--and honestly, I'm not sure I will. I'm afraid I might get more protest from them ("but we want conferences!!"), and I can't have different policies for both classes. I may present them with the fait accompli. I am allowing an option for those who do want to conference with me, though I won't have much time. I don't think more than one or two students in the M/W class will want a conference--and I have more time on Monday. I may leave the option open for students in the T/Th class to see me either on Monday or Tuesday; that way I can surely accommodate everyone.

I still am going to be at least somewhat slammed with grading for the 102 students. I gave myself a tiny bit more time, but not a lot, so a lot will ride on how many want to see me for conferences.

And--as is usual now that we've hit this portion of the roller-coaster ride--I'm having miniature waves of panic when I think about how much I have to turn around really very quickly so the students have what they need before the final essays are due. Essentially, everything I currently have in my hands has to be back to them by the beginning of next week at the absolute latest. Yikes and likewise zoiks. And yet, ah well. This is the last gasp, the final finish line to be crossed. I'm stumbling and staggering, as usual, but I know I will make it, though I may fall splat on the other side.

The chunk of time I usually have on Mondays after my class got filled up with visits from two students and a phone call with our campus point person for trouble with Turnitin (and there has been a lot of trouble with it this semester, not just in my classes). One of the students was the budding attorney from today's 101, who wanted to know what classes he should sign up for for next semester. I showed him the degree evaluation, "Schedule Builder" (which--rather unusually for this campus--actually is beneficial for students), and showed him other options for how to make his schedule work. Tedious--and really not my job, not only because I wasn't wearing my "Academic Advisement" hat but also because he is in the Business degree, so technically, he should be advised by them. But whatever. I know how to do it, so I did. Then the Young Philosopher, the Zen Student, came to ask me if I'd be willing to write a letter of recommendation for him (of course, and happily), and then we talked some about transfer to SUNY-Purchase. He was thinking he wanted to get into their creative writing program--but he's never done any creative writing, so that obviously wouldn't work. He only needs two classes to graduate next spring, so there is no real reason for him to take any of our CW classes--except that we have some amazingly good writers and teachers in the program, and it would give him a taste (and a chance to maybe build a little bit of a portfolio). I suggested that he talk to one of my colleagues, who is genuinely a bit of a star in literary circles but who also is just a super-neat guy, very friendly and helpful. I hope they do connect: I think that could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship (without a trip to Casablanca required).

In any event, given all that, and despite taking work with me down to the main office for my Monday "babysitting" stint (being an adult presence in the office so the student aide isn't all alone), the stack of work to be done didn't diminish by much today. So I'm sure there is more I could/should do tonight, given those waves of panic, but I'm looking at it all and my mind is making the grinding noises of something trying to operate on too little battery power. I will see what I can accomplish on Wednesday, which is the next day in which I will have a significant chunk of time in which to grind through stuff. So, I'm not even thinking about the fact that tomorrow is another day; I'm skipping right over that to the next "tomorrow." But I won't project beyond that. I'll just drive carefully home through the flooded streets and return here to start all over in the morning.

Working out a solution

I talked to the students in today's 101, and given their responses about the scheduling SNAFU I created, I'm working out a plan that changes the flow of the final essay--and (bonus points) lets me collect it earlier, so the last days of the semester I can spend grading, in the time-honored tradition of "Individual Grade Conferences in My Office" (which translates as "You can see me if you want, but I'm just as happy if you don't"). Because the shift I'm contemplating requires a change in the grading structure as set out in the syllabus, I think I'm going to make students sign something that indicates they understand and agree to the ramifications for their grades.

I haven't got all the details fully worked out in my head (and won't bore you all with them anyway), but I think I have a way to make it work for the majority of the students, who do not want to do two versions or have conferences with me, as well as for the minority, who do. I had hoped to crank through writing up the changes when I got to the office after Advisement, but fortunately, when I sat down at the computer, the notes from yesterday's P&B meeting were staring me in the face, so I did those instead. I don't want to have to fuss with them on Monday, and the other members of the committee need time to read them over before the meeting.

I do have to leave myself a huge note to look at the two sabbatical applications that I have not yet reviewed; that will be a task for Monday, as we need to finalize the applications in P&B on Tuesday.

And of course I have filled my wheelie-pack with way more work than I can possibly do over the weekend, even if I am far more diligent and focused than I ever manage to be (unless my hair is on fire, metaphorically speaking). That begs the question why, in that case, I'm bothering to schlep it all home, and I don't have a good answer for that--except, I guess, that I hope just seeing the enormous stack of shit will remind me how much more there is for me to do. I mean, it really is absurd. And the work hasn't stopped coming in, just because I'm idiotically behind the grading curve.

I'm also taking home the scratched up copy of the final essay assignment for 102, which still needs some work (as I believe I mentioned yesterday). Who knows what I'll actually do, but it's good to have several options, all of which would be productive.

In the "well, that's done" column, I did photocopy all the rest of the readings for the 101s for this semester and got them sorted and into the appropriate accordion folders. I was going to copy the essay assignment, too, until I realized the changes I am contemplating need to be clearly spelled out on the assignment sheet. So later for that.

Now, I think my only remaining task for today is to water the plants and make sure I know where my glasses and glasses case are--preferably that they are together in one location (after a few weeks of being able to find one but not the other). I kinda think that's it for now. I may post over the weekend, if anything noteworthy comes up as I get through however much of the work I get through. Meanwhile, for those of you who are in my U.S. readership, may you have a day for which to be thankful tomorrow. Actually, I have the same wish for everyone, whether you celebrate Thanksgiving or not. Gratitude is always good to remember to express.

The stacks are getting exponentially higher...

The stacks of "to do" work are getting ridiculously large. Some of it is deceptive: the revisions of essays come with lots of other stuff attached (the first version, some indication of what was done in revision, articles the students found for the 101s), but I still have to look at all the bits, even if I'm only evaluating the revised essay itself. And then the homework stacks. Also a bit deceptive, as for the 101s, I have the actual printouts of the articles the students read, along with their notes on the reading. Nevertheless, it really is completely ridiculous.

And answers the question "What will you do with Thanksgiving weekend, Prof. P?" I hope I actually do some of the work this time, instead of simply dragging it home and back again. I have a markedly rose-colored sense of how much time I actually have during the week to do much of anything, which is hard to recognize as unduly optimistic when I am at home and longing just to snuggle up with a good book and a cat and cups of tea.

Well, the time for that will come.

Today's classes both went pretty well. I have no complaints about either one. The students from 102 are (for the most part) latching on to the details in the novel in a lovely way; the students from today's 101 can always be counted on to participate in class discussion and to have good ideas.

Among other things I need to do is to rework the final essay topic for the 102 class. It's close, but I want somehow to also provide information about how to do the research. That can't be part of the essay assignment--which is already far too long and detailed--but they do need the information, and I can't be sure I'll have time to go over any of it with them in class.

So that gets tacked on the rest of the "things to do" list, along with P&B minutes (which I will do after my Advisement stint tomorrow, I hope) and other things that I'm almost certainly forgetting.

I'm sure there is more I could record about today, but nothing springs to mind. Often as I am walking from point A to point B on campus, I am planning what I might put in the post of the day, or mulling possible titles, but today, my mind is either engaged in the task immediately at hand or essentially making white noise. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Because, you realize, it is another day.

Hold on to the safety bar...

We're officially in that part of the semester. I meet with my classes nine more times. Nine. That's still five weeks, counting this one--which I will count, because, despite being a truncated week, I've only completed the first day of three--but somehow five weeks feels like a long time. Nine classes feels short. Well, shorter.

And if I look carefully at everything I have to do in those five weeks, I may start to hyperventilate: suddenly five weeks may seem insanely short. But still. However we look at it, the count down to "stick a fork in me" is speeding up.

I confess that I did absolutely nothing with all the work I took home to grade over the weekend. I did read the chapters in the novel that I have to talk about tomorrow, but that's it. So, at least part of Thanksgiving weekend will be spent grading. It is now officially impossible to do any of our own work in Advisement. The parade of students is pretty well continual. The line of those waiting may momentarily get a bit shorter, but then it fills back in again. The silver lining to that particular scenario is that the time does whip by when the students come in back-to-back like that.

Um, what else. I did some reading today of the articles turned up by the research into the socio-historical context for the novel. I think I mentioned that students can choose either to do research into literary criticism (which is not easy for them) or into the context, but I need to make sure the assignment sheet covers the bases and makes that research as simple for them as possible. I'm not entirely thrilled with what we can turn up for research into socio-historical context, but whatever. It gets the job done: I am required to teach them "information literacy," and I'm doing that. I'm keeping the bar pretty damned low because I don't want to have to deal with students who can't get over it. Of course, some will fall in that category anyway, but that's how it rolls.

A bunch of students were missing today in 101; I think there's another wave of attrition happening, but we'll see how deep it goes. They had a little more to say about the topic we're embarking on next--"social technology"--but not much. I bored them stupid with a lesson about comma use, which I tried to enliven a little by using my family for the examples. (Didn't work very well. They just are not reachable, for the most part. Ah well.)

And tomorrow will be whatever tomorrow may be. I did reply--belatedly--to some emails about P&B business, which doesn't entirely redeem me, given the ways in which I've been pretty functionally useless on that committee, but it scratched the guilty conscience at least a little. And I'll go to the meeting tomorrow like a good little soldier and take minutes. I don't know when I'll get them written up, but I'll at least take the notes. Maybe I can do them Wednesday after Advisement, before I scamper away from campus to enjoy an extra, bonus morning of no alarm clock.

I'm sure there's more I could say about the day, but that sums it up well enough for now. Just turning the crank, as my dad would say: mule in the traces walking the endless circle. And counting down the days.

Snow!

And I don't mean that the students are trying to put something over; it really is snowing. I didn't think it was going to amount to much, and I think it won't stay long, but it was snowing significantly enough that I now understand why the admin decided to cancel evening classes (though at the time I thought it was a bit alarmist).

Back-tracking on the essay grading: I was on a roll to finish up before our department meeting today, but then the student I met with at 11 asked a lot of questions (and was sometimes confused about the answers, so I had to explain more carefully)--and then after we finished talking about her essay, she wanted to talk about advisement and her major.... I finally said to her, "I'm late for a meeting and I have other work I have to do"--but I didn't say that until she'd already been with me almost 40 minutes instead of the mandated 20. [heavy sigh.] So, I raced through the comments on the last essay I had to grade--I barely commented in the final stage of my response process--and fired off the email, then dashed down to the department meeting. I missed the first two, I think--or at least the last one, and Cathy has been sending out reproachful emails about the general lack of attendance, so I figured I'd at least briefly be the "good girl." I did, however, leave before the meeting was over. The last chunk of the meeting was given over to the bookstore reps, and since I am not going to be dealing with the campus bookstore in the future, I figured I could come up to the office and get something done.

What I got done was to remind myself of some photocopying I absolutely needed to do before Monday. I couldn't both pull together what I needed to copy and actually get the copying done before class, but just having the specific things pulled out was helpful.

Class was fine--and when I got there, I realized I hadn't reread the chapters I assigned for today. I read them while the class started talking--not, I confess, with as much careful attention as I would have normally, but still. I know I read fast (my father used to say I didn't read books; I inhale them), but students complain about having so much to read--and I could get it done in about 20 minutes. So even if we double, or triple that... Really? Too much?

I let the 102 students go a trifle early and quickly got the bare minimum copying done before my first conference of the afternoon--and then I had students pretty well back to back until just a little bit ago. I felt bad for the students who were arriving late, as by the time they were on their way in, the roads were pretty slippery and bad. But they dutifully arrived, and these were for the most part good students, so the conferences went well.

When I had a few moments here and there between students, I started (finally) logging the appointments in the Writing Center software, and I turned in the "attendance confirmation" tallies, which we have to do twice a year (and which are due tomorrow but needed to include attendance from today). Since my last appointment, I finished up the appointment logging, got the photocopies into the necessary folders, watered the plants, and packed up the final versions of essay 2 for the 102 class, which I hope to grade at least in part over the weekend. I was supposed to go out with a colleague tonight, but she needed to get home to Queens, so she bailed. I may be the only person left on campus other than the maintenance staff and public safety; it feels very empty and silent around here. So I'm going to go shove the worst of the snow off my car--and since I was primed to go out, I'm going to take myself out for dinner, in celebration of having survived this particular essay tsunami. There will be one more, at the end of the semester (and all three classes at once), but that's still on the horizon. However, as of Monday, we will officially be in the "hold on to the safety bar and scream" part of the semester. Wee-hawken.

Almost a miracle

I was doing so well on getting essays graded that I thought, "Oh, I can go to Advisement like a good girl." I absolutely knew I had time after my last appointment to hammer out the last two, especially as they were likely to be good.

Well, no. If I had been more fierce with the last student I met with today and had shooed him out of the office at the end of his official 20 minute appointment, I'd have had a chance--but he is the one who doesn't want to think, and yet I know he's smart--and he not only wanted to understand what he could do to improve, he admitted to feeling so frustrated and negative that he wants to just quit. I talked him off that metaphoric ledge, but ... well, I was nicer than I needed to be, and I don't regret it, as I think it helped him at least some.

The only reason I'm not in a flat panic tonight, thinking I am completely screwed is I realized--after I posted last night--that I could simply get up early again tomorrow, get to the office by 9 (or as close to that as possible), and then I will be able to crank out those last two essays. I started one of them tonight--and unfortunately, it's not as good as I'd hoped it would be, but at least I have a start on it.

I also finally figured out how to access the wifi with my laptop, so that's saved me a couple of steps in terms of getting things back to the students.

Oh, yes, and the student who didn't show up yesterday did get in touch with me today. Several students have had trouble accessing their college email, and she'd forgotten when her appointment was and ... well, confluence of factors. But she's fine (which was my main worry), and we simply rescheduled her appointment for tomorrow. She'll be my last patient of the day.

Now, however, I need to pack up my laptop (and whatever else I'm taking home tonight, which will take a few minutes of looking around, hoping for visual clues, as my memory isn't very reliable). And I'll be in as early as I can manage tomorrow, but then this onslaught will be done. I am going out with a colleague after work tomorrow, so that will be my moment to breathe before I dive back down again.

And on that note, off I go.

HUGE risk

I have seven essays to grade for Thursday.

If I get in at 9 a.m., I have two hours before my first conference appointment (best case scenario, that's four essays); I have 40 minutes between that appointment and the next one (best case scenario, one and the start on another). If I bail on Advisement, I have two hours there: and even if I miss the "best case scenario" in the other time blocks, I'm hoping like mad that the two-hour window will give me enough time to finish. I feel bad about missing advisement yet again--especially because now things are getting very busy--but I have to do what I have to do.

I got a slight bit of a reprieve when I realized I'd been counting one student who never submitted an essay (the one I handed a withdrawal form to last week). One of the essays should be pretty good; one should be good but somewhat uneven. Two will probably hit that awkward place between too bad to have anything to say and so good there isn't much to say. Three will probably be pretty bad. It's a terrible thing to say (I am going to burn in hell, I know), but I rather hope they're so bad I can knock them off in a huge hurry.

I also hate to say but I caught a break today when the last student scheduled missed her appointment. I am concerned about her--she's very good and very conscientious--but it was nice to have that chunk of time, particularly as the student before her showed up early (and my other appointments wrapped early), so I gained almost a full half hour. (In another minor triumph, I got all the homework for the 102 finished up while they were talking about the novel, so the stack of stuff has diminished slightly, even though I also collected more homework from them today.)

I'm a bit concerned about my ability to get up early enough to get here by 9 tomorrow--but if I don't, I can't see how I can get through everything. And in order to have any chance of getting in that early, I needed to be home an hour ago. I was tempted to leave, but I knew I truly had to get at least a few of the essays for Thursday marked tonight or I'd be completely, utterly screwed. And in the absolute worst-case scenario, I will have to finish up one or two when I get home after my usual Wednesday appointment (which has been canceled two weeks in a row, so I'm really not going to cancel again).

It's weird to admit, but lately, when I've said I "have" to get X or Z done, I've thought, "Well, if I were in the hospital I wouldn't, or if I had the flu." I'm not ill-wishing myself; I'm just reminding myself that there is always another option in the worst worst case.

But that worst worst case will not, I trust, occur. I'm going to have faith that I can somehow get through them all--and then take a deep breath before diving back down into the revisions for the 102 students and all the accumulated homework. Off I go, staggering into the night...

Screwed by technology again

I just finished the essays I needed to grade for tomorrow, so, yes: I'm officially kinda fucked. I have more essays to grade for Wednesday than was originally the case, as two submitted essays late. Both were very late, and if I were more of a hard-ass, I wouldn't accept them at all, but I will at least give some overall feedback and a grade, albeit one reduced by late penalties.

So, I have six to grade for Wednesday. Ten for Thursday.

Fucked.

But it's not entirely my fault for having not pushed myself hard enough over the weekend. There's a long and boring story here, but essentially, the version of Adobe Pro that the college provided doesn't actually work very well, so after struggling with it all day, I ended up coming home to finish up on the computer here--which has a version of Adobe Pro that I actually pay for each year but that works, god dammit. So, tomorrow, I have to schlep the laptop to campus so I can work without the annoying, time-consuming glitches.

Ah well.

And as is usually the case, the night when I'm working latest is going to precede a morning when I have to get up extra early. That may be true for the next two mornings, in fact. And I don't know whether I'll be able to be a good girl and go to Advisement on Wednesday as I currently plan or whether those two hours will become absolutely essential to finishing the work. I already have requested permission to bail on P&B tomorrow. Again: two hours, and two that I desperately need. Cathy may say "no," which would be understandable, but man, I hope she takes pity on me.

And someone else can do the minutes.

Now, however, the cat and I are both very hungry. I can't speak for the cat, but I also know I need to start winding down ASAP. So, that's all for now. Until tomorrow.

That's a little better, anyway.

I did get a good lick in at the work today--and I wasn't anywhere near as exhausted, thank god. I still am packing it in earlier than I probably "should"; this is a calculated risk that I might well regret by the time Wednesday rolls around, but somehow I think I'll manage. I do still have four essays to grade for Tuesday conferences, which is a bit of a worry--but then again, I gave myself a fair amount of time before I start conferencing tomorrow, and there will be a few large gaps between students in the afternoon, as well as time after the last conference, assuming I don't fall apart at 5:30 again. I haven't calculated how many hours I have to work in versus how many essays I have to grade, but ... well, I do know that, one way or another, I'll get everything taken care of. Whether I can also get the homework marked for 102 is a different issue, but we'll see how things play out tomorrow and Tuesday morning.

I can't even comment on the quality of the essays, except to note that a couple of the students seem pretty damned confused about what the issues actually are. But truly, mostly what I keep thinking is just, "I have to do this one more time. That's all: one more time."

Worrying myself a bit...

I am starting to feel some concern over the depths of my exhaustion. I got a fair amount of sleep last night, and I still feel like I haven't slept in a month. I got a few papers graded--nowhere near the quota I had set myself--and it's only a little after 5 p.m., and I almost feel like I can't see. I certainly can't concentrate.

Also, I have mixed feelings about the fact that a few students did, in fact, submit their essays late. One is a student who is potentially very good indeed; I'd have been unhappy if he hadn't submitted. (One of the students who is still AWOL is also potentially very good, but I'm not going to chase her down. Maybe I should--she's worth reaching out to--but I'd rather talk to her about what's going on, especially as I already chased her down some over her first essay.) One student hasn't in fact submitted yet, but he tried--or said he tried--last night and couldn't find the link. It's there, but he missed the entire first essay, so he's struggling with the whole process and missed the day when I went over how to find things. One of the very annoying blips in Blackboard these days is that the course menu on the left can disappear and be replaced with a blue band down the side. I didn't know what the hell to do the first time I saw that--but I knew there should be something on the left, so I clicked on the blue band and, behold!, the course menu appeared. But a student who has never seen the Blackboard page before won't know that there should be something there, so wouldn't know to try to get at it. So I can understand that he had trouble--and I wrote an email talking him through the process--but I don't quite know why I'm bothering; he's missed so much work, he can't pass. I guess I'm bothering because he wants to try, and I don't want to discourage the effort, even though it comes too late.

Writing that reminded me of another young woman who needs to withdraw. When she came to class on Tuesday, in fact, I handed her a withdrawal slip--but I didn't explain the process to her, and I'm afraid she will think the withdrawal is complete. It isn't, and for various reasons that I don't fully understand, we are no longer allowed to give students a W; they have to complete the process by taking the form to the Registrar. It is possible--though complicated--to do a change of grade to a W, but it has to be done through a paper form, not online. Well, I'll fret about her for a little bit, too.

Anyway, the upshot of all of this is that I am once again going to kick things down the road, and hope like hell I can get a good, strong day of work in tomorrow--without being so tired my eyes feel sandpapered. I will say--apropos of nothing except the "interruptions" of the day--that the documentary about Le Guin that I watched this afternoon was absolutely worth the trip to the City and the disruption of my grading. I hope it appears in some form that allows it wider viewership; it is quite wonderful.

And with that, I'm going to turn into something more vegetable than animal until tomorrow. Eleven essays to grade tomorrow, god help me. But that's tomorrow. Tomorrow is not today, thank God.

"I have to, I have to... oh, well, maybe not."

I've been telling myself all day that I have to get at least eight, or five, or four, essays marked today, despite lack of sleep, despite time out for life maintenance (some of it crucial, having to do with finances and retirement). I've been in a bit of a tizzy because I know I'm going to lose time tomorrow to my jaunt in to the City to see a documentary about Le Guin, which I insist upon doing, despite the chunk it will take out of my day. And when, when, when will I get all those essays graded???

Well, not today, apparently. I tried to grade the first one--and I can't focus well enough to evaluate it with any confidence. Am I being too hard on it? Too lenient? I honest to god cannot tell at all.

So, I'm once again kicking a can down the road. Or maybe kicking a potential landmine down the road. I have been saved by the fact that three students with conference times on Monday did not submit essays--and that means, even if they submit before the window closes entirely, I am under no obligation to mark them or respond in any way. One student submitted but does not yet have a conference time--and hasn't contacted me about getting one. One student is completely AWOL: no conference time, no essay, no nothing.

Anyway, I am conceding defeat at this point. I can't get any productive grading done. Man, I hope I sleep tonight, as another day of this kind of mental (and physical) exhaustion will not only be hard to take in general, it will wreak havoc on the grading. The time will come when "I 'have' to" becomes "I have to." But it isn't there yet.

Tsunami of grading

Well, dammit: the students are submitting their essays. Only three of the students remaining in the M/W 101 have not submitted. The students in today's class have until midnight to submit, so of course most of them have not. Five, maybe six, students were not there today (the "maybe" is a young woman who was out for a long while, came back--because her mother insists that she do so--but to whom I handed an Add/Drop form when she was in class on Tuesday. She cannot, absolutely cannot, pass. I wonder whether I'll see her again.) Of those, one submitted his essay already--not surprisingly. He's an adult, and therefore diligent about deadlines and requirements. We'll see about the rest.

And it is true that the attrition has been slow but steady, but even so, it's just a lot of essays to grade--especially while I also have homework from those classes that I haven't looked at yet, and while I need to stay on top of the homework for the 102.

I am taking the 102 homework with me when I leave today. I know it's highly unlikely I'll get to any of it; I'm worried enough about having time to respond to the essays for the 101s. Both tomorrow and Saturday already have built-in interruptions--at awkward times in terms of when I am at peak productivity--so I don't know how things will proceed, given the number of students I'll be seeing on Monday--and the fact that I won't have tons of time before the next "pig in the python" moment on Thursday.

The one thing I do know is that one way or another (probably another) it will all get done. At what cost to my sleep or sanity, I can't predict, but it will get done. My sense of impending doom about it all arises primarily from the fact that I am already tired, and would love nothing more than to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Which will begin at least in some measure starting December 23, when I am in Montana with the family, and will be a more common occurrence come mid-January, when I am adjusting to the start of the whole new phase in my life.

I will say that the students in 102 were a bit of a disappointment today; they did great in their groups, but when I turned it over to class as a whole, there was a whole lot of silence. I may have to resort to the tactic of assigning a more specific task to the groups, as in, "I'm going to take something specific from each group, so make sure as a group you decide on at least three things you want to discuss or get cleared up." But I also have started to get red flags about possible plagiarism. I might not have noticed, but one student's language is a bit more formal and stilted than is usual for her, and she and another student made the same observation about a rather subtle interpretation--and I'd be very surprised if they came up with it independently. I don't like the idea of having to search for plagiarism, in part because I'd really hoped there wouldn't be much out there about the novel, so there wouldn't be much possibility of plagiarism. We'll see. I'll run checks a few ways--but if they are plagiarizing, I will be very, very unhappy. (And so will the Enthusiastic Adult, whose daughter is one of the possible plagiarists.)

Now, however, I am going to get out of here early--though, since the clock change, it doesn't feel early. The fact that it is full dark out makes it feel quite late, and my body still thinks it's on the old time. (I'm slow, what can I say.) It's also important that I leave now because I have to hop on a train in to the City to meet a friend for dinner. As a pleasant reframe for the day, I am happy to report that I  leave having crossed the P&B minutes off my "to do" list for this week, anyway. We take our triumphs where we can.

"If I only had a brain..."

I'm not sure I'd be as smart as the Scarecrow, but it sure would be nice to know what happened to the brain I used to have. It has been AWOL for weeks now. If I didn't know something about what kind of memory lapses are routine and what kind cause for alarm, I'd be in a panic right now--but even as it is, there have been a couple of moments that have sorta worried me.

But I am still sharp enough that I picked up on some errors in the one promotion folder I'm mentoring, and remembered to do a few little stinky tasks (four assessment reports, for instance) that could easily have disappeared through the floorboards. I am still drowning in stuff to do--and more than a little freaked out about the grading I'm facing this weekend--so pearls may still roll behind the furniture, but it does feel good to have some of the underbrush cleared away.

My usual Wednesday evening appointment was canceled today, too, which bought me a little bit of time. I'd love to burn through a little more, but ... the wall has been hit.

It occurs to me: maybe what happened is, one of the times I hit the wall, my brain was knocked out of my head and acted like one of those pearls. Maybe it's behind a bookcase somewhere...?

Oh, yes: I am tired. When my sense of humor goes daffy, I know I'm running on fumes.

Class today was easy, as they were doing peer review. It was annoying that so many of them were late (or simply didn't show up at all: hope hope, maybe those students won't submit essays??), but eventually they were working in pairs and being at least marginally productive. And I turned them loose as soon as they decided they had done all they could do. I'm not going to try to get them to think more deeply at this juncture. I'll just roll along and let the consequences occur as if I had nothing to do with them.

I do anticipate that tomorrow's 101 will be at least somewhat different. Certainly they were, once again, much more diligent and animated even about the lesson on APA style (which is, I confess, pretty much a snore), so I assume whoever shows up will be more likely to work with some diligence on the peer review process.

The 102, however: well, I do hope it flies. I hope the novel flies. The Enthusiastic Adult (or whatever I decided to call her) sent an email today asking for help so she wouldn't get completely overwhelmed with wanting to take notes about everything. As she noted, "the language is amazing and packed." Indeed yes. I don't know if the other students will respond as well--or see as much--but I can only hope.

As for today, I'm going to tie a ribbon around it: finis. And tomorrow, etc....

35-second post

OK, a trifle more, but definitely on the fly. The student who can't think is freaking out because he "didn't know" that the essay is due on Thursday--and because his score on the final version of his first essay was under a 90 (technically, an automatic failure for the class, but I told him I don't have to invoke that penalty), and because his reading note scores are super low (because he doesn't fucking think.) I explained to him that he needs to get past the initial thought--and it isn't enough to ask questions, he also has to try to answer them. He's getting increasingly sullen, perhaps understandably, but I simply cannot (or will not) lower that bar for him. He has to think. He has to put words on then page. Period. (College now, Sweetie Pie; expectations are different.)

Whatever. He says he "has" to get a C, and I told him that's marginally possible but unlikely. We'll see. I hope he withdraws, partly for his sake, more for mine.

OK, that was more like 3.5 minutes. Gotta go. Steak and bourbon blow-out with Paul and Cathy. Whew.

Gawd almighty

Well, I got everything marked and the grades recorded. So, whew on that score. Of course, when I got to the office, I remembered why I should have been more ferocious about getting essays graded over the weekend: I rather forgot about the fact that I haven't yet done the minutes for P&B, nor have I looked at the promotion folders. (Of course, only one has actually been submitted so far, so ... maybe I get a bit of a break there, but still. I didn't do the sabbatical applications either. Obviously, I am simply a waste as a human being.)

So, I'm hoping to do the minutes during my Advisement stint tomorrow. And heaven knows when I'll look at applications for sabbatical or promotion. Maybe on Wednesday or Thursday, but then I'll be buried under essays to grade--again. Fuck me blind. Seven students have signed up, one after another, on Monday early afternoon. Ye gods and little fishes. I don't yet have the onslaught from the students in tomorrow's class. Oy oy oy.

Met with the Young Taoist today (a better moniker than the young philosopher). We were interrupted by a colleague worrying about her promotion application, and he didn't have much to say anyway; I'm not sure why he came by, but ... cool that he did. I also met with a student from the 102 who wanted to check out the mentoring thing. He's a budding poet (as well as a visual artist)--and of course that explains a lot about his writing. But we had an interesting chat.

I am now looking over at my desk, at the folder of "to be marked" assignments. I "should" take that to Advisement with me tomorrow, but first, see "P&B minutes," above, and second, whatever time I might have left, I want to spend reading the novel I'll be teaching in 102 starting tomorrow. I do need to stay at least one step ahead of the students; I've only read it once, so I don't have the kind of memory for it that I have for things I've taught many times.

Well, whatever. It's after 9 p.m., and I have to be up at 6 tomorrow, in order to vote and then be here to meet with the TIAA representative and then go to Advisement and then go to class and then go to P&B and then go to class....

I may fall over. I'll try to get home first.

Just basically making my own life more difficult

I called a halt to the grading very early today. I did finish everything for tomorrow's class, but I really made no inroads on everything I need to get done for Tuesday. I may be in the office very late tomorrow night, pushing myself beyond tiredness, in order to get it all done.

So, knowing that's what would occur, why did I opt to halt early today, you may well ask? Because I had life maintenance to do. And that took precedence.

I do want to relate a moment when I was grading that let me see (as if I needed more evidence) just how little patience I have left with the students who cling to the "I shouldn't have to work hard or do anything I don't find fun" attitude. A student wrote in his essay, "I think the solution to the problem with high school students being unprepared for college is that college should be easier." And I came within a nanosecond of writing, "And I think you're stupid to think so." Geez. Cranky a little there, Prof. P? I didn't tell him his conclusion was stupid, but I did tell him that he had not clearly demonstrated its validity (or even argued for it) in the body of his essay.

I was thinking earlier about the student who absolutely insisted that college should teach life skills, such as how to do household chores or handle personal finances. We do have a class in personal finances--in the Finance and Economics department--and I imagine that it is both of practical use and academically sound. But I could not get the kid to see that "How to Do Laundry" or "Changing the Sheets 101" are not the purview of an academic institution. "But that's what students need," he kept saying. He's the one who elicited the comment "THINK" on his notes. Interestingly enough, he's rather stopped brown-nosing. Huh. I wonder if the fact that I am increasingly impatient with him has anything to do with that. Nah. Of course not.

But let me close with some positive thinking. Several of the students wrote papers that were damned good. There may be a student or two in each of the 101s who manages to eke out an A. That would be lovely. I hope so.

And I'll leave it at that. May you all have a calm and peaceful Sunday, with no sense of dread about the week to come.

The procrastinator's credo

"Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow."

Could I grade more essays today? Sure.

Will I grade more essays today? Nope.

Will I be kicking myself about it on Monday evening? Of course.

The question then remaining is, so why do I do this to myself? I don't have a good answer to that. It does have something to do with the fact that it isn't that I work well under pressure; it's that I only  work under pressure. If there's no pressure, I can find 400 things I'd rather do. Or even four. Or even one. Anything rather than work.

So, the new challenge that I am setting myself is to just accept that this is how I work, how I have always worked, and to stop whining about it: stop the kicking of self, and simply buckle down as needed to grind through the work. I know I am being ridiculously unrealistic in hoping I can make a huge dent in the grading tomorrow; life maintenance will get in the way and will--of course--take longer than I think. (I know how paradoxical that sounds: if I know it will take longer than I think, why do I not know how long it will take? The mysteries that the mind cannot unravel.)

I know, too, that part of why I am putting off doing more grading today is that I am feeling so discouraged by the essays--and am not looking forward to the wailing or belligerence that will ensue when I return them to students. I expect there will be a wave of attrition after they get these grades, especially as the next essay is coming right on the heels of their getting this one, so they may well get into the "I can't do this" mindset.

And oddly, I find I still care about that. Some of them, I grant you, I'd be happy to lose. (I'd be happy to lose almost the entire M/W class, in fact, if not all of them.) But I don't want them to give up on getting educated. I want them to work hard to get better. It's ironic that I'm working on essays where the students talk about the fact that high school did not prepare them for college and they are demonstrating exactly the behaviors one of the articles points out as problematic: the "do the minimum necessary" thing; the "quit rather than persevere" thing. Someone once told me I fulfill an important psychological function for them, giving them their first experience with limits, with genuine demands, with accurate appraisal of their abilities. All I can say is, it may be important for them but it is awfully damned wearing on me.

Ah well. This too shall pass. Seven more weeks of this. Breathe. Breathe. (And sure, procrastinate if that kinda works. If it works for today.)

"I've been eating for 18 years, and I feel fine; why should I care?"

That was a student's response to the entire agriculture-environment-health topic. I tried to suggest to the kid that it might be nice if he thought about someone other than himself. "I care about my little brother." Or your immediate family. And--to avoid the impulse to just say "get the fuck out of my classroom, you little shit"--instead I suggested that his group mates might talk to him about reasons why he should care. I only realized when I started to write this blog post that the more effective response might have been, "Why should you care? Because you have to write an essay about it, and if you can't come up with something to actually say, you're going to flunk."

I'll breathe in just a moment in order to regain a little patience and compassion, but before I do, let me just state that the "I only care about me" attitude infuriates me. We see it all over the damned place, and it's a significant contributor to everything--and I do mean everything--that's wrong with the world right now.

And--regaining some equilibrium--I think of yet a better response. "Why should you care? I don't know; why should you?" If the kid can't come up with a reason why he should care, the response would then be, "OK, so you don't have any reason to care. Nothing for us to talk about then, is there. See you next class."

As a rule--and as a member of P&B--I don't think I'd consider it good pedagogy to spend the last seven weeks of the semester saying, "If you want to learn anything, please feel free to stay. If you don't, see you next class." But for the last seven weeks of this semester for myself, it may well be the way I can get through it. No essay? OK, that's a zero. Let's move on. No homework? OK, that's a zero. Let's move on. Nothing to contribute? OK, see you next class.

I always said I wanted to retire before I became either completely jaded or overtly hostile to the students--and somehow I'm managing to hit both of those bases at once. Not good for me, not good for the students. Time to go.

On a much happier note, however, I did have some great conferences with students today--including what turned into more of a mentoring session with a student who submitted her essay too late for me to give it a grade or provide any comments, and a very pleasant and wide ranging chat with the Mom of the mother-daughter duo. I want to give her a different identity, though, not just as someone's mother but as a student herself--and she is like a whole string of firecrackers going off, hyper and filled with ideas and quick-fire associations. Paul said he'd find her exhausting. I have a family filled with people with ADHD and ADD, so I'm pretty used to it. And she is interesting, if a bit hard to follow. I also got to praise a student whose immediate affect is that of an earnest lunkhead--but he's actually quite bright and he picked up on a key detail in the poems he was writing about that no one else saw. It was fun to be able to enthusiastically praise him and his work.

And one student is capable of being a real star in the class. He's very quiet (and absent a lot; I think he may have health problems), but his essays are truly first rate. My work with him is getting him to be more focused on just close reading, not making the larger step into socio-historical significance. On a sentence level, I can't find a thing to suggest. Seriously. I'd love it if some of my colleagues could write as well.

So, that was today. I might put in a few more minutes on stuff here; I'm meeting a friend in the city this evening, and I don't have to get a train immediately, so I can noodle around here for a while longer. It would be nice to chip a few little bits off the triage list. And this weekend, I am somehow going to have to find time to grind through the revised essays for the 101s--around seeing my kid sister and going to a talk she's giving and doing general life maintenance. Somehow it will all get done, and I'm trying not to exhaust myself by thinking too far into the future (like knowing that next weekend is also going to be a huge grind, as I'll have first versions of essay 2 from the 101 students--and first versions take a lot more time). But let me now express gratitude to the cosmos. I was not at all happy about taking a 102, initially, but now I am overwhelmed with relief, not only because it's turning out to be a pretty great class but also because their essays are on a different schedule. If I were grading three sections of 101 all at the same time? Well, let's not even go there. The cosmos saved me once again, giving me what was right for me instead of what I thought I wanted. Thanks and praise.