Now we're in it

Collected two reading journals from each of two classes, another two batches of two coming tomorrow. I'd really love to get something back to the students by their next class so they have some feedback before trying again, but I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do. I was supposed to meet a former student (and former cat sitter) this evening so she can bounce ideas off me about going to grad school: she wants to go but is having doubts. I'll provide whatever advice and feedback I can, but mostly I think she just needs to talk it out with someone other than her mother or fiance. I do love that I have a handful of former students who still come to me for advice, or just to keep in touch. I may see another (from the dream 281 of 2009) tomorrow. I hope so: it'd be great to hear what he's up to.

On a less lovely note, I did meet with a former student who wanted to complain about her grade from last semester. Yes, last semester. She's just coming to me now to bitch about it: that in itself should tell you something. She's 23--and brought her mother with her. That should tell you something else. I told her mother that I could only talk to the student herself (that's what the college attorney says: the student is an adult, after all): mom was very angry but acquiesced. This girl felt that it was unfair that she failed--despite the fact that she got a zero on the second essay (because she turned the first version in too late for either one to count), despite the fact that she failed the final paper (worth 25 percent of her grade) because it was about two and a half pages out of a required five to seven, despite the fact that the first version of her first paper was something like a 43 (after being turned in late and having a number of errors). But because she turned in most of her homework--she was making a big stink about the last two pieces of homework, which she says she turned in (and which would maybe have raised her overall grade by 2 points, when everything was averaged out)--she felt it was unfair that she didn't pass. I didn't even mention the fact that my syllabus clearly states that if a student must get a passing grade on four of six of the actual papers in order to pass: she got a passing grade on two of the six. I just pointed out that, mathematically, the marks she earned averaged out to well below a 59. But no, it's not fair, because she worked so hard. (And the evidence of that is...?)

Finally I ended the argument, as she didn't have anything to say except what I did wasn't fair. I told her that she was perfectly within her rights to talk to the chair of the department, who would listen very carefully to her case. He will: he's great about that. Not that he'll make me change the grade (or even suggest that I do--and not that I would even if he did). Then the mother came in to tell me that this is a community college, and I was being way too hard on her lovely, wonderful student of a daughter. Everyone they've shown the work to thinks I'm too hard: this isn't a university, after all, it's a community college. (I wonder if she has any idea how insulting that is to her daughter, the implication being that this young woman couldn't make it at a university, and that all she can succeed at is the second-rate, "easy" education of a community college.) She told me I wasn't helpful (which, of course, made me wish I had a video tape of all the times I bent over backward for this young woman, giving her extra chances, being understanding, being encouraging, offering help--which she never took me up on). But I didn't engage with her, and not just because I'm legally not allowed to: I also had no intention of playing the blame-defense game. I said, "I understand that you are disappointed, and that's all I can say." She left saying they'd be talking to the dean. Alrighty then, you go right ahead and do that.

I will be interested to see what, if any, blow-back I get from this. Nothing from Bruce, I expect: he may ask me to present my side of the story, just so he has the whole picture, but that would be it. If the dean contacts me about it, I'm armed for bear: I've got the girl's grade sheet and my syllabus, both of which are pretty inarguable.

The issue, of course, isn't that the grade isn't fair. It is fair. It is exactly and precisely what the young woman earned with the work that she produced (or, more to the point, didn't produce). The issue is that she doesn't like it. She doesn't like that she has to take the course again, that she feels she wasn't treated like the special human being she is--ultimately, that the grade says something about her as a human being that she does not want to believe about herself. And somehow I can't find it in me to feel very sorry about that.

Of course, I'm writing about this relatively rationally (albeit with a rich sauce of annoyance on top), but inside, I'm still quivering. I absolutely fucking hate having that kind of confrontation. I didn't lose it (though I was testier than I wanted to be at first)--I think I kept pretty calm and rational--but inside I get not only annoyed--angry--but also highly defensive: it feels very personal ("You are a bad teacher and a bad person"), and it's hard for me to let go of that and recognize that it isn't really about me at all. I'm in essence the messenger of a hard truth about how life in the real world works--and if this young woman continues to go through her life in this fashion, this is hardly the last time she'll get an unpleasant result.

Breathing, breathing. This too shall pass--and with very little, if any, long-term effect. So, breathing, breathing.

In my perpetual quest to find a positive note for myself at the end of each blog (not always possible, but I do try), I'd like to report that I believe I have the stories for the rest of the semester chosen for 263, and have them in an order that makes at least some sort of sense. I'll take a look again tomorrow, when my brains are a little more clear, and if I still think it all works, I'll type it up and be ready to give it to the students on Wednesday. Which would feel great.

And both classes went fine today. I liked my approach to the essay assignment (a little lectury, but the students responded well to that, most of them taking notes). In 101, the one student who had tried (via e-mail) the "I don't have the homework because I didn't buy the book" excuse didn't show up for class today (good thing, as I'd have tossed him). Everyone else was working well, digging in to the reading, working to make sense of it. In 263, I realized that I have to assign more reading: they're getting through the stories faster and more thoroughly than I anticipated, so I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do with them on Wednesday. I'll come up with something productive, I'm sure, helping them think about their first mini-papers, which are due a week from today, but precisely what or how, I haven't figured out yet.

But now, I'm going to run a few quick errands and take reading journals home with me. I'll try to get a few done tonight; if not, well, tomorrow is another day, don't you know.