[Expletive Deleted]

I deleted the expletive, but you can use your imagination to decide which one--or ones--I might have used for the title of this post.

I had high hopes for getting a lot of work done today, which were immediately dashed by the fact that my a.m. dentist appointment took twice as long as I'd anticipated, then by the fact that a colleague whose promotion application I'm mentoring came in to ask a bunch of questions (all valid, but it took a loooooong time), by the fact that because of interruptions I continually had to start all over with the piles of paper (which are on every horizontal surface around my desk), trying to figure out what I needed to do next. Yesterday I never got a chance to blog: I went from class to class to Advisement to observation to a quick dinner with colleagues to the Board of Trustees meeting--and I didn't even manage to hang in there until the Board finished their private session and came into the public meeting. I left a little before 9 p.m., just as they were arriving, and though I felt somewhat guilty about that, I'm glad I left. If I'd stayed, I'd have been home later and far more wound up (high stakes stuff under discussion), so professionally maybe I made a wimpy call, but personally, it was lots better.

In fact, I make a fair number of decisions for purely selfish reasons. It's that time of semester when the work load has increased while the charge in my batteries has decreased, so I feel the strains more. Or bitch about them more at any rate.

The other reason why I'm swearing--internally if not (at the moment) aloud--is because I was cheerfully planning to come to campus tomorrow afternoon to read promotion folders, which I desperately need to get done before Tuesday's P&B meeting. I at least have to read the folders for the two people I'm mentoring, but I really should read all eight of them, or whatever the hell it is. And then I realized that tomorrow is Veterans' Day, and campus is closed. Somehow it didn't fully compute that the consequence of having Tuesday at home would be that, on Friday, even if I were to come to campus, I wouldn't be able to access those folders.

[Expletive deleted again.]

So, guess what I'll be doing Monday after my stint in Advisement. I can't do anything much on Tuesday before P&B because I have an observation at 10, after which I'm supposed to be in two meetings: I'm opting to attend the one that is an orientation session for those who have been nominated for Chancellor's Awards. I was nominated once before and missed all the deadlines; this time, god dammit, I'm going to get my application in on time. But that means Tuesday will look like this: observation, meeting, meeting, class, office hour, dance class.

Though I may have to reschedule that dance class--and not just because the day looks pretty insanely busy, as if that weren't reason enough.

The Chancellor's Award application is one more thing to do, of course--but not this month, thank god. At this particular juncture, I just have to schlep a huge bolus of work home with me and use all my intestinal fortitude to make myself actually WORK tomorrow. I don't have my usual riding lesson, so I have the whole day. And the panic has built to the point that there is a fighting chance I'll actually use it. I want to get as much done as is humanly possible before I head out of town next Friday, so I don't have anything of consequence hanging over my head when I get back. It's worth the push now to fly away clean.

Classes have been going fine. I had a nice interaction with a student after the short story class yesterday. She was slow to leave the room, as she was putting together the list of critical essays she wanted me to copy for her (I provide the sources for their second papers; they have to find sources on their own for the final one). I'd been noticing that she was--at long last--starting to participate in class discussions, so as she was finally leaving, I said something to her about how glad I was to have her joining in. She lit up like Times Square on New Year's. She told me that she isn't really shy but she needs to get to know people and feel comfortable before she can open up, and she's starting to feel very comfortable in our class. As I've been saying, the chemistry is finally pulling together there--in fact, students were very concerned about a classmate who hasn't been around for a while. But I was very pleased to be able to provide some positive reinforcement for that student, and to see it sparkle all over her.

Yesterday's 102 did a great job with the novel--and asked a lot of smart questions about their forthcoming final paper proposals. A few of them confess to actually enjoying the book (imagine that!). In both sections of 102, I didn't focus so much on their reading journals: we did a lot of summary, explanation, clarification, so they feel secure about who the major characters are, when things are happening, what is happening, and what's important about it.

The one somewhat uncomfortable note is the young woman in today's 102 who is struggling and hasn't gotten help. Ms Helpless got the bad news that she can't pass the class, but she wants to come anyway: it's the only class she's taking, and I think she mostly wants something to do to get her away from her living situation for at least a little while each day. She's understanding some things about the novel pretty well, but in terms of the writing, understanding assignments, listening to and absorbing instructions, she's well and truly lost. The other students are very sweet with her, however: they all know her name and sort of look after her. Last time I put them in groups, Bright Young Man (henceforth BYM) ended up in a group with her, and he specifically asked her what she saw, what she had to say, acting very much as my proxy in the group. Today, another student made sure that Ms Helpless didn't misplace an important handout.

And I hereby confess that I'm going to use a double-standard. Two students missed the deadline for submission of the final version of their second essay, Ms Helpless and another young woman. I told both of them that I will not read or evaluate those papers (which is my stated policy): it's not appropriate for me to have to put in work on something that wasn't received in time for credit. However, I'm going to bend that rule, not for Ms Helpless but for the other student. I will not comment on her paper (no time), but I will at least look at it to give her some overall comments, so she knows if she's improving. I'm even tempted to give her some credit for the assignment--at least for the second version, if not for the final one. I'll mull that over the next few days. Ms Trying Hard could potentially pass even with the zero grades she's amassed, but if her paper truly has improved, I'd like to give her at least a shot at a C. She may not make it, but I want her to have the chance.

And everyone thinks I'm so ferociously strict and severe. Hah. I talk a good game, but there's more flex to those rules than I generally let on. I simply need to be tremendously judicious in determining where to invest the time and energy and where (as my father would have said) the game isn't worth the candle.

But my candle is being burned at both ends and in the middle these days. Lovely light, my ass: it's just dripping wax all over hell and gone and running low on fuel. So, I'm going back over to my desk to sort through the carnage to see what's there. I don't know what or how much I'll get done over the weekend: the triage still needs to be done, so I'll take pretty much everything home and start figuring out priorities tomorrow morning.

And in my head, Mr. Rogers starts to sing: "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! We'll start the day tomorrow with a song or two...." Load up the CD player and rock on.