Serves me right

I woke up at 6:20 this morning and thought, "I should probably get up, as long as I'm awake, but I'll just close my eyes for another minute." I woke up again at 8:20, and thought, "I'm really awake now, but I'll just lie here for one more minute." At 9:38 I woke up having just had a new version of the teacher's nightmare. The teacher's nightmare is very much like the actor's nightmare: it's all about being lost, bewildered, utterly unprepared--and in the spotlight. But this one was about a snotty student response to my comments on a paper. The strange thing is that the young woman who was the snot in my dream is actually one of the sweetest, most agreeable students I have this semester. (I wonder what deep Freudian significance that has.) But in the dream, she had "revised" her paper so it was even more of exactly what I had told her not to do, and in addition she had written vituperative comments about me as a teacher and as a person (e.g., she assumed I am a homophobe, which is pretty funny in retrospect).... Um, maybe I'm a little stressed about all this; what do you think? But see, if I'd gotten up the first, or even second, time I woke up, I could have saved myself the clinging ick of that dream.

And indeed, as I was grading, I encountered a student paper (albeit not a revision) that was very much like the dream: the student clearly has been waiting for his chance to tell me that he thinks everything about the enviro-themed topic of the course and especially the readings we have done is complete bullshit. In his anger and resistance to the material, he is seeing logical inconsistencies in the essays that are not, in fact, there (he is reading his assumptions into the texts, and his assumptions lead to faulty extrapolations). Again, I wanted to blow up and tell him to get the fuck out of my face and my class--but instead I think I was pretty reasonable in tone as I wrote comments informing him (much as I did for Monkey Skulls) that the emotional approach is not appropriate for college work (not to mention the fact that he cannot put together a grammatically coherent sentence, which is another requirement of college-level writing, strangely enough). (OK, I'll admit to one snarky moment that I just couldn't resist. After slamming the authors for being "insane" he wrote, "but who am I to judge?" I circled the phrase and wrote "Indeed." I know, I know, but I just couldn't let that one go by.) I also asked him to think about why he is so enraged by the ideas in these essays: if he doesn't agree, that's fine, no one is forcing him to, but why is he unable to even consider their arguments and work to understand why they say what they do? Why the intensity of the emotional rejection? I told him that as an adult, he will often encounter ideas he does not agree with, and that his job will be to find rational reasons why he does not agree, rather than relying on purely emotional reactions.

I must here freely confess that there are political views that call up a similar emotional response in me, and I find it extremely difficult to encounter those views without simply going ballistic. So I understand that at his age, he probably has not learned any reason to curb that emotional response. And many politicians (not to mention most of the media) rely on emotional reactions rather than actual reasons to sway our behaviors and opinions--and most of the public don't know one from the other. But the idea of being in college is that one learns to recognize the difference--and to understand why one holds the opinion one does. That's the difference between me and Angry Young Man at this point: I recognize that my rage is not the best persuasive tool, and I can formulate a reasoned argument to counter the view that pisses me off so profoundly. (I can also, of course, do that best in writing, when I can rework an idea until the reasoning is precise--and that's part of why writing well matters, another idea I should probably introduce him to.)

I do wonder what confluence of evil stars it was that put Angry Young Man (henceforth AYM) in the same class with Monkey Skulls.... So far, they haven't toxified each other, but the potential certainly is there. I'm hoping madly that one--or both--will withdraw, and soon. Like the instant they see their graded papers. Or do some kind of astonishing turn-around and start writing from their intellects instead of their, um, bilges (unlikely, but it would accomplish the same end, which is I wouldn't have to tap-dance around their shit). I am curious to see how their conferences go--but I know I will have to do some kind of mantra before, during, and after, so I can keep my professional cool.

But no matter what, I'd lay any odds you like that these guys will go to RateMyProfessor.com and spew some of their bile there. If they haven't already. They are the kind of student who generally is compelled--anonymously, of course--to engage in character assassination of a professor who has displeased them. I used to check my ratings from time to time and found it amusing. (My favorite comment was "Hates people, only loves trees." In fact, some of my best friends are people--and appearances to the contrary, I am a person myself.) But I finally got sick of the cowardice of it. It's easy to snipe at someone when you don't have to reveal yourself. I'd actually pay attention and listen carefully if students were required to give their real names (not an alias) and the grade they received. In any event, guys like these are the reasons my rating usually has a grey frowny-face next to it (worst teacher ratings). Occasionally some of my fans will get on there and I'll move up to the green neutral face (she's not really a monster). I'll never get the yellow happy face--and proud of it. I'm not in this for popularity. Weird as students may find it, I actually care about whether they learn something that matters. Go figure.