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THINGS HAVE CHANGED:

Since I am no longer a professor in the classroom, this blog is changing focus. (I may at some future date change platforms, too, but not yet). I am now (as of May 2019) playing around with the idea of using this blog as a place to talk about the struggles of writing creatively. Those of you who have been following (or dipping in periodically) know that I've already been doing a little of that, but now the change is official. I don't write every day--yet--so I won't post to the blog every day--yet. But please do check in from time to time, if you're interested in this new phase in my life.


Hi! And you are...?

I am interested to see the fluctuation in my readers--but I don't know who is reading the blog, how you found it, and why you find it interesting. I'd love to hear from you! Please feel free to use the "comment" box at the end of any particular post to let me know what brought you to this page--and what keeps you coming back for more (if you do).





Monday, October 12, 2009

triage

I am in the position of having to make draconian decisions about what I have to not do, or do marginally, or do differently, or later. I've posted a notice to students that their marked papers will be on my door later than I originally said--and I'm still not sure how I can get them done in time. I HAVE to respond to my mentee's promotion folder by the end of the week. I HAVE to write up the observations (contractual obligation). I HAVE to look at the sabbatical folders that arrived today. (Friday I'll be in the office for sure; no ride for the forseeable future.) The huge steaming piles of old homework are going to get a cursory glance, just enough to give the kids some kind of credit for doing the work. Classes next week Wednesday and Thursday, cancelled so I can work on my promo folder (and it's going to be about quarter-assed as a first draft, not even half-assed). Reconfigured syllabus to come.

The skin of my teeth is peeling back, as are my fingernails, as I'm trying to hang on just long enough to get the worst/most of it done. I've been having panic attacks all day, and now am so tired I can hardly see (woke up, stressed, at 4:20, tried to go back to sleep but was on the hamster wheel of stuff I'm fretting myself sick over, and at 5 figured I might as well just get up). I have five more essays to have graded by 10 tomorrow morning; I really should try to squeeze at least one more out, but I just don't know if I can.

One positive note: I had the conference with Monkey Skulls today, and he was great. If he hates me and the class, he's doing a good job of covering it. I think he may understand that I'm not trying to make him miserable--but that he really does have to do what I am telling him he has to do. The only difficult conference was a student who said "I don't know," or "It doesn't matter to me," or "no" to every question. I finally told him that in college, he actually will have to learn to think, even if it is uncomfortable for him to do. And my job with him is done: I'm putting no more effort into any of his work unless I see something that indicates effort and some inkling that he gives a shit. If he doesn't, I sure don't. No time for that.

I can't even re-read this to see if it makes sense. I'm going to go home--take a few papers with me, just in case I get a fourteenth wind. If I don't manage anything tonight, I'll just have to hustle through tomorrow. Christ, I'm having another panic attack just thinking about it. My adrenal glands are sure getting a hell of a workout.

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