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THINGS HAVE CHANGED:

Since I am no longer a professor in the classroom, this blog is changing focus. (I may at some future date change platforms, too, but not yet). I am now (as of May 2019) playing around with the idea of using this blog as a place to talk about the struggles of writing creatively. Those of you who have been following (or dipping in periodically) know that I've already been doing a little of that, but now the change is official. I don't write every day--yet--so I won't post to the blog every day--yet. But please do check in from time to time, if you're interested in this new phase in my life.


Hi! And you are...?

I am interested to see the fluctuation in my readers--but I don't know who is reading the blog, how you found it, and why you find it interesting. I'd love to hear from you! Please feel free to use the "comment" box at the end of any particular post to let me know what brought you to this page--and what keeps you coming back for more (if you do).





Monday, April 29, 2013

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know....

I'm being attacked by the "shoulds." I just collected first versions of final papers from the 102 students today, and I "should" be reading them and commenting, and instead, I'm doing just about anything but. I may kick myself for it tomorrow, but it won't be the first time that I've paid for a night of taking it easy on myself with a day (or two) of hell. The one thing I know for sure is I'll have everything done one way or another.

I don't think it's much of an excuse, but it is true that part of why I'm hesitating to start is that I haven't quite figured out how I want to respond. I don't think I'll do the usual red pen all over business. I may, in fact, just type up some comments, mark a few things--maybe even mark them in blue ink, not red. I know I'm not going to pay attention to sentence-level stuff in this round: it's a lot more important that the students get their ideas sorted out.

In the two classes today, in fact, that's what they were working on. I am delighted that they were closer to having theses than I think I've ever experienced in any semester: Most of them were at least very close when they walked in the door, and by the time they left, most of them had something that will do. Some of the theses are marginally OK--but that's fine by me.

Only one student was completely off. Well, let me rephrase: he actually had a dynamite thesis, but it had clearly been plagiarized. He didn't even try to deny it; he's so lost he has no idea what he's doing. But I am getting so annoyed with him, it's hard for me to even help him try to get un-lost. He knows he's struggling; he knows that he is having a hard time understanding the book, writing--everything he's had to do all semester long has been out of reach for him--and yet he waited until late last night to write me an e-mail asking how he should approach the paper. It's such a huge question, reveals such a profound level of problem--and was asked at such a late hour--that I hardly knew how to answer him. He's trying, but he looks simply pole-axed, poor thing. He's out of his depth and won't let himself admit he's drowning, paddle to shore on the raft of a withdrawal.

I finally had reason to get rid of the last piece of dead wood that's been cluttering up the 102s today. Mr. "I only had a red pen" came to class without a paper today. I started to just shoo him out of the class, but instead I took him out in the hall and told him he's not going to pass. He was telling me all about how sick he was, that even then he was dizzy--and I said, so sweetly, that of course he can't force his body to be well, but the sad fact was that on top of all the other problems he's had this semester, he simply won't make it. I told him I wouldn't force him to withdraw but emphasized clearly that he will not pass. Period. I probably should have not made the withdrawal optional: God knows I don't want him back in the classroom. But I have a sense that students should make these decisions for themselves: they are adults, after all--at least ostensibly.

Of more concern to me was the fact that one of the potentially wonderful students (who was in my class last semester and had to withdraw) was not in class today--and I've not heard from him, and there's no paper in hand from him. The paper assignment says that I will not accept late papers for any reason, and I believe it even says that if the paper is not turned in on the day it is due, the student will not be allowed to continue and will not pass the class. It would be a hell of a shame, but this young man still has not learned that if he is going to live up to his intellectual potential, he needs to fucking work.

Meanwhile, other stuff is twining around my feet, tripping me up. I have been elected to a college-wide committee on academic standing. I'm truly interested in the tasks of the committee, and very much want to have a say in what's going on, but my term starts as of Thursday--and there is a huge packet of materials I need to read over prior to the meeting. I also have to review applications for Chancellor's Awards--though I caught a break there, as the area I'm responsible for only has one applicant, so reading that will be relatively easy. Both of those things will get taken care of on Thursday--plus whatever else I can squeeze in before and after.

Tomorrow morning I meet with a student from last semester who is complaining about having failed the class: I think I've mentioned her before. I hope the meeting doesn't take terribly long: I'm going to need the time to go through those 102 papers (since I won't have any time to speak of on Wednesday before class).

But I did cross one little niggly bit off my "to do" list: I finished writing up my year-end evaluation (a contractual obligation) and sent if off to my P&B contact. And now, even though it's really time to head for the hills, I'm going to take a few minutes to remind myself what I'm supposed to do for an assessment thingy: I'll be working from memory, rather than actually from papers, but whatever. Mostly I want to get it done and out of my hair so I can truly forget about it, not just put it on the back burner and then have it keep coming back to mind in those "oh shit" moments.

As for other flotsam--ordering books for fall classes, who knows what the hell else--I'm kicking that down the road a piece. It's not in flames just yet, so it can wait.

I feel like Betty Davis's character in All About Eve: "Fasten your seat belts; it's going to be a bumpy night." Replace "night" with "three weeks" and it's exactly right.

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