I was soooo excited about the draft thesis assignment and how I could point out to students that they didn't have one before they wrote their papers. They read my feedback; many of them came up to me to run a thesis by me again--and yet virtually every paper I've read today, what's been the problem? No thesis, or at least not one that's strong and specific enough to hold up. Maybe I've been reading papers from the students who didn't turn in the draft thesis assignment--or maybe the assignment wasn't as good a fix as I'd hoped. I know that even when something is pointed out, it takes a while before the student can let go of old habits and put the new understanding into practice. But I am so discouraged that I hardly want to have conferences next week, as I know I'll be saying the same fucking thing over and over, just like always, and doing the same work to try to point students to the evidence/focus they need, just like always.

I even reworked the assignment for 102 to specify that they needed to pair the short stories in the way that I intended when I chose them (two about the relationship between troubled brothers, two about murderers who can be forgiven for their crimes). I all but gave them the thesis and the focus--and they still are screwing it up.

I also thought I had very cleverly worked things out so I wouldn't have to grind myself to a nubbin to get papers graded: I have rolling pick-up times, so I don't have to have the last of the papers done until Thursday morning. However, what I didn't anticipate is that the vast majority of the students signed up for appointments on Tuesday--so I've promised that 22 papers will be on my office door by 10 Tuesday morning. Twenty-two! And as obsessively as I mark and comment on first versions, that's a hell of a lot. I got a few of them done today, but since it's now after 8 p.m. Sunday night, and I have conferences or class straight through (with a little break to eat lunch) from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. tomorrow, I don't know when I'm going to find the hours to get them done.

I don't even have all of those papers yet: the students who submitted late via e-mail have to print out their papers and bring them to me, as I won't use my ink and paper on their essays. (Their e-mail submission simply stopped the "late" clock.) And of course, once again, my body got in my way yesterday: I didn't feel well, so couldn't crank through papers the way I'd intended. (That "road to hell" analogy again.) Today I've been pretty dilligent, but I had to do some life maintenance, which took more time than I anticipated. And the phone keeps ringing. I should just ignore it, I know, but I find that very difficult most of the time. I am not not not in a chatty mood, so I expect my friends and family who have called got the distinct impression that I was not fully engaged in the conversation. And they were right. All I could think was "I have to get back to papers."

Right now, I'm not sure what I'll do with the rest of tonight. I'm ravenous at the moment, so I need to eat something for dinner. And even if I do some more grading, I need a brain break (to regain some patience and compassion, so I don't just write "No" on the papers. (I don't even want to take the time to say, "This sucks": too many letters.) If I can make myself grade even a few more, it will make my life tomorrow much easier. But I'm not sure I can. I do know I have a couple in the pile that are likely to be good--at least better than the rest--but I'm saving those for a while, interspersing them among the poor to middling majority.

Ah well. If it comes to it, I'll have to tell some of the students that their papers won't be ready until later. The killer, of course, is that most of those 22 students will not pick their papers up anywhere near that soon--but I don't know who will and who won't. **heavy sigh**

I'm being truly ferocious with grades--mostly because I remember that in the past I've wanted to give the student a bump up to reward an attempt at revision but found I couldn't in good conscience as the mark on the first paper was as high as I could reasonably go on the second. (If that makes sense.) This time I'm giving myself room to go up. I'm also taking penalties. Last semester, on first papers I told them what the penalty would be but then said I figured an F was traumatic enough. This time, gloves are off. That means I've given a 13, a 22, a couple in the 30s and 40s (that's out of a possible 100). The only thing I'm giving them a break on is the length penalty. I've taken the idea from Kristin: if I ask for a 4-5 page paper and I get 3 pages, that's 25% less than the minimum to meet the requirements of the assignment. That's 25 points off, right off the bat. Half a page is 12 points. A quarter is 6. But I'm not taking the quarter page penalty at all, and I'm halving the other two: from 25 to 12; from 12 to 6. Or, in once case, from 35 to 17. Still, that's a huge ouch. But dammit, four pages should not be hard! If it is hard, then the student has some serious work to do to be at the appropriate skill level.

See, it's all beer and skittles until the papers come in: then gloom and doom descend; the students freak out and get completely discouraged and dispirited--and so do I. I wish I knew a way to let them know, firmly and clearly, just how far below expectations they are without making them feel they're hopeless. They aren't hopeless, but it is going to be incredibly hard work for them to get where they need to be. And I wonder if many of them know how to work hard--particularly on the right things (because, as I tell them, working harder at the wrong things won't help, so doing more of what they've already done isn't the solution).

I feel like I'm talking in circles. This is why I need a dinner break, at least, if not a break for the night.

And I haven't even mentioned the students who simply did not submit a paper at all. Some of them surprised me: I was sure they'd be there with the paper, right on time. And I'm absolutely certain that a number of them will show up with their papers tomorrow (or left their papers for me on Friday) and will be shocked to be reminded (REMINDED, mind you, not told for the first time) what my late paper policy is.

Man, this part is always hard. I don't have a good solution for any of it yet. Except ... break for dinner.