Almost didn't make it

I was so exhausted this morning, I very nearly went back to bed and stayed there. I did go back to bed for a while (fortunately I was awake early enough that I could), but I realized I was lying there with my brains racing. I lay still for a while, giving my body a while to recover some energy, but I knew a day at home would be counter-productive, so I brought myself in to work--and did everything I had to do: meeting, P&B, and class.

I had to read the riot act to two students in Native American lit. They're sweet boys, both of them, but one has turned in three assignments (poorly done) and one has turned in nothing. I told them that they have a decision to make: they need to start coming to class prepared, having done the reading, done the homework, done paper assignments, ready to participate, every day--or they simply will not pass the class. And they need to start doing that as of Thursday. There is no more time to get caught up, or get in gear: it's now or never. I wasn't mean (I don't think), but I was very firm. So the next question is whether I do as Paul does and toss them out of class if they show up again unprepared. I think the answer has to be "yes." I hate to do that, but--as I said to them--they aren't learning anything if they're not doing the work.

I think both of them are intimidated by the women in the class, who all seem to understand everything we read and have interesting things to say about it. I reminded both young men that they should feel very free to bring questions to class: that their questions will help the other students think more carefully about things they may have overlooked. And even if not, it's still their education: they need to be sure they get the understand they're paying for.

We'll see.

On the other end of the spectrum, one of the young women was annoyed with her grade on her homework. I wrestled with her about the fact that she needed to sit down with me to talk about what's going on, that I couldn't in six seconds say "You need to do X" and solve the problem. She was full of excuses about why she couldn't meet with me--but as it turned out, I let the class go early, so we took a few minutes to look at the homework she was complaining about. And what do you know: she'd left out the "explain" part. First she tried to tell me that the assignment sheet didn't say she had to explain anything, but when we looked at it again--well, what do you know: there it was, right there. She had the good grace to apologize, but she's a bit of a piece of work, that one, and I'm going to have a hard time persuading her that she may not be quite as magnificent as she thinks she is.

Oh, and Mr. Irrepressible repressed himself right out of the class: he withdrew today, with the "my grandmother has been ill" excuse. She's getting better, he said, but too late to help him in this class. Right.

And although I did throw a few minor snit-fits about promotion folders, I talked to the two mentees who still had bits that needed fixing, and now I can officially wash my hands of the whole thing. P&B could have been over in about 20 minutes today, but one member raised a bunch of questions that, honestly, I don't think were within the P&B purview, but they are areas of legitimate concern to the department (and college) as a whole. I got impatient with the discussion, but that says more about me than it does the necessity of the conversation.

In fact, Paul and I just had a conversation about the college as a whole. I realize more and more that what we as faculty mean by "education" is something very different from what the administration means--and until we address that fundamental disjunction in the basic premise of the "conversation," we cannot possibly communicate with each other. I think the faculty know that this is the problem, but I don't think anyone has clearly articulated it--nor has anyone expressed it precisely to the administration. I'd love to think that I'll stand up in a Board of Trustees meeting and lay it out there, but--again, as I just said to Paul--I'm tired and cranky, and in order to say what I think needs to be said, I'd have to put a lot of time and energy into it, which I don't have.

There's also a minor brouhaha brewing over an elected position to the campus-wide Promotion and Tenure committee: a bunch of us are interested in running (including me--and yes, I've taken leave of my senses), but each department only gets one possible slot, so we don't want to run against each other. Long story, but there's going to be a straw ballot, so we can see which of us the department would be most likely to support. If it isn't me, I'll be relieved. If it is me, I'll have to run around like a madwoman getting my candidacy petition and statement of purpose ready by next week. (See? Lost my senses.) And right at the moment, I'm not even sure why I want to run (see "tired and cranky" above). But we'll see what the department thinks about my candidacy. If there isn't a clear majority in my favor, I'll graciously (and gratefully) bow out. And even if I do run, there's no guarantee I'll be elected: the vote is campus-wide, after all, and who knows who else might be up against me. If if if. Again, we'll see.

But now it's still light out, and I have at least one errand to run on the way home, so I'm going to read this over, post it, and then bow out for tonight.