Swearing at myself

It's been a day full of it. Screwing up assignment sheets and having to print them multiple times, losing track of things, dropping stuff (literally as well as metaphorically). I did put some time into the Chancellor's Award, but I am also in an abject panic about it for tomorrow. Every time I talk to Paul, he says, "You're including X, right?" and of course I hadn't thought to, and now feel I have to, but that means I have to say something substantive about it. Fuck fuck fuck.

Well, worst case scenario, I pull out at the last second and go up again (fourth time?) next year. I may beg for a stay of execution (not sure how likely that is). Oh, who knows. Tomorrow.

The triumph of today was not only getting assignments out from under my feet (so I feel "cleaner" heading into Chancellor's Award madness tomorrow) but also my meetings with students. One student didn't show up (hmmm), but the one who was so upset last Thursday had a very productive half hour with me--and I believe she sees now why her grades were unsatisfactory. It was wonderful to watch her thinking so hard--smoke very nearly pouring out her ears with the gears whirring inside. I asked her a couple of questions and when she didn't have the answer, it was quite clear she hadn't done the thinking yet that she needs to. In other places, the ideas were there, but the connections hadn't been made.

But my favorite moment was when she asked me about a specific idea in an introductory paragraph. She said, "I thought this was what we went over in class, but I guess I was wrong." No, I said; you're not wrong, but look: first you mention freedom; then you are talking about nature. They're two different things, so you need to explain what Gary Snyder means about the way those two things are related. We talked about it for a while, and she said, "So the idea wasn't bad?" No, I said, you just need to explain the connection. Then (here it comes), I said, "Now, what does my written comment say?" She read aloud: "Freedom and nature are two different things, so you need to explain this." Oh.

I also had a meeting with the inadvertent plagiarist from 102. He's now utterly gun-shy about the issue (good!), so he wanted me to take a look at a preliminary portion of his final paper to see if he's using the critical source correctly. Almost, but we talked about the problems--and a few others I noticed. Again, it was wonderful to see the gears turning.

And at the end of both conferences, the students left smiling. Wonderful.

Class was terrific (always). I chunked away at the application until I dashed off to an event I thought was tonight: wrong night. Ah well. Now it's time for a quick dinner and dance class. And please God, I won't wake up an hour before the alarm again tomorrow. I'm getting damned annoyed with that little physical habit. I need sleep, and by cracky, I intend to get it.