Another storm coming

That's literally true, as you may know. My students are freaking out--especially those already without power and heat. Lines to get gas are still ridiculous (and pretty soon I'm going to be in one); I no longer believe the repeated assurances that that situation will "soon" get better. Even students who have valiantly been coming to class so far may not be able to do so as the week progresses, simply because of lack of gas, coupled with an all but non-existent mass transit system that is in disarray. (If I can't get gas in my car, I may not be able to make it either.) Never mind the possibility of losing power again when the temperature is dangerously low (wind chill making it feel like 14 at night), driving in snow when traffic lights are still out in places.... All in all, this is a cluster fuck.

I had more students in class than I expected today, and more of them were prepared (or were more close to prepared) than I would have imagined. I realized today that the gender balance is flipped in the two classes: the earlier class has only two young men, the rest women--and in the second class, there are only three women (and only two of them were able to get to class today). I'm sure that has some effect on the difference in dynamic, but the main difference seems to be the balance of personalities: in the earlier class, both the young men are utter lunk-heads. One at least tries to be upbeat and participatory, though he doesn't do the work; the other does the work but is less engaged and dynamic than the desks. In the other class, no lunks at all. Some of the students are struggling, but all of them are alert, present, interested, engaged--and bonded with each other. I wish I could get rid of the two guys in the earlier class: I bet the whole dynamic would improve significantly. Ah well.

One nice moment in the earlier class, having to do with the Whining Friend of the Turnaround Student (the one who started out bitching but is now becoming one of the best students). Whining Friend had been out a few classes before the storm hit, and I thought she might have bailed from the class altogether. Au contraire. She was back today, prepared, participating, smart and cheerful and bright eyed. Maybe Turnaround Student finally persuaded Whining Friend to stop whining, or maybe Whining Friend simply found her own reason to turn around--but I may not be able to call her Whining Friend any more.

Shifting gears: I fear my reputation as Grendel's Dam fused with the Wicked Witch is getting tarnished. In both classes, the students said--in chorus--that I was the only professor who had kept them informed about classes, and they told me over again how grateful they were for that contact. They also expressed gratitude that I'm being understanding about their work. It's been sweet: most of the e-mails I've gotten have asked whether I'm OK, have sent good wishes for me and my family. They were also deeply grateful for the extra discussion times. We'll see if that translates into action; I'm not taking any bets on how many of them actually show up. But the gesture may have been enough. Jesus, what happens if I get a reputation for being nice??

But I'm being nice under duress: these are extraordinary circumstances. I'm taking a very Taoist approach, refraining from pushing the river. Whatever flows into my hands is what I'll deal with in that moment. Nothing else to be done. That's always true, but it's more obvious under these circumstances, when even the illusion of control and predictability has been stripped away.

I am reminded, repeatedly, of how blessed I am, in all areas of my life. At the moment, I am especially grateful for having work to do that can be so immeasurably gratifying. Yes, it feels good to be appreciated, to be liked, to be respected. More important, it feels good to be in a position that allows me to help, even if it's only by lightening the load in a crisis. I almost don't care about the actual work getting done (though of course eventually that will start to be a concern). I'm just glad to be here, doing what I do, getting paid for it, come hell or literal high water.