Making a difficult Easter for myself...

I am going to have to be very firm about holding my adorable nose to the proverbial grindstone tomorrow, but I seriously cannot spend another moment wading around in my students turgid little minds (to borrow a phrase from Paul). After another student has proven herself guilty of multiple instances of plagiarism (and this time is trying to deny it), and a student was capable of reading about a child witnessing the bright flash of an atomic blast as evidence of "appreciating the beauty of nature," I just cannot stomach any more.

Not to mention the student who wrote, "Hudson wants his readers to appreciate nature and give it proper respect, for it has been on earth for many years and deserves gratitude."

As one of my Facebook friends said, "Maybe someone could send it a present, out of gratitude for being around so long. The period before was really rough."

My friend's comment made me laugh but still, do they even read what they've written? Do they think at all??

One of the rock stars is still AWOL. A bunch have just dropped off the radar. Several of those who are still valiantly "trying" are capable of complete inanities like the above quoted. What am I supposed to do to reach them? Can they be reached? Or am I just slamming my head against an impervious wall of intellectual torpor?

Man, I need a day with the SF students. They might be capable of making me feel there's some kind of point to all this.

I am already thinking of ways (further ways) to adjust the online Nature in Lit--including ditching a reading that I chose in a hurry and now regret, but also including adding some images that might help. I do think, at the end of the semester, I'll design an anonymous survey to ask things like, "Did you read the professor's 'lecture' notes?" "Is there a way for the professor to convey to you how to read a difficult text--since written instructions will likely be a difficult text?" One thing I will definitely do is make the "online courses are not easier than face-to-face courses" caveat much bigger and more prominent.

On the other hand, I am trying to make my own fun, as much as I can, by illustrating some of my comments. In frustration, I told them that they're using sledgehammers to "analyze" the texts, when they should be using archaeological tools.

                                         This, I said...

                                          Not this.

In my comments on their discussion of Louise Erdrich's "Big Grass," I wrote, "Guys. It's about grass."

I feel like I need the sledgehammer, but whether I should wield it to get their attention or to take care of my own misery is an open question.

In any event, tomorrow I will have to whip through all the homework for the 101 students as rapidly as possible, then get at least some of the papers for the SF students graded. I should use what's left of today to do one of the non-student-related tasks I must tend to (proofread those pages, read that journal submission, write up that observation), but ... nah. I'm done. Done to a turn.

"I'm so screwed" post number 10,483

I've lost count. How many times have I wailed about how screwed I am by the amount of work I've been pushing down the pike? How many times have I carried on about the fact that I'm staring at (in this case metaphoric) mountains of student work to hack through and my brain is completely out of gas, not even any fumes to keep it going?

Well, here's one more.

I'm very discouraged by the progress (or lack thereof) in the Nature in Lit class. The week before the break, only seven students posted. Another dropped today (that's three official, and two more ought to, as they haven't done any work in weeks). That's not counting the young man who plagiarized (and I have to say, reading a post that he legitimately wrote on his own, I can sure see why he was plagiarizing--though his emails have been coherent enough). Even one of my rock stars has been falling off the beam lately; he read a completely different text than what I assigned in one case (clearly reading out of something apart from our textbook). And I'm spending way more time than I want to looking for plagiarism: all my alarm bells are going off all the time.

And I'm encountering the problem that I have yet to figure out how to circumvent in that class: the assumption that every author is talking about the "beauty" of nature, even when the language very clearly is not about "beauty" at all, and about "appreciating" it, even in cases when the author might as well say, "I hate nature. Give me a city and electronic devices." I have to continually say (or write), read what's actually there, not what you assume will be there. Read the author's words, which contradict your interpretation.

I also have to say that I'm a bit stung by one student's response to my attempt to help her. Essentially, she said I was "overloading" her with work--especially since she has other classes (which, of course, is specific to her, not any of the other students in the class)--and that even doing what I suggested, she couldn't understand the reading, so ... she's withdrawing, apparently in a four-door Huff.

(Sorry: that's an expression from a friend of my ex. The friend said that a "huff" sounded like a European car, usually a sports model--a two-door Huff--but occasionally a full-sized sedan.)

I simply processed the withdrawal and cc'ed her on the email doing so. I didn't respond to her snotty whine at all. Yes, I know. I'm the evil bog monster from hell. I have insanely high demands. It's all my fault. (Grand. So, now, please fuck off to the left: it's right over there, you can't miss it.) (Raiding a turn of phrase, loosely speaking, from another friend.)

I'm also in a full-bore cranky mood because the break is almost over and I have not been sleeping as well as I'd like. Or, rather, I've been sleeping well but not as long as I'd like. I don't like feeling exhausted when I'm supposed to be recharging, but, there you have it. That's where I am right now.

But because of that state of depletion, I am calling a halt early tonight. I know this will make for a much more frantic weekend than would be ideal, but again: there you have it. Despite my running around waving my hands in the air about how screwed I am, I will get all the work done one way or another, because, well, I always do, not having much choice about it. And although the semester has been extended so I now have seven more weeks to get through, not six, the last of those weeks is going to be nothing at all significant. (I do need to find out if we have to report to Advisement on the make-up day. I bet we do, but I'm going to run it by Paul before asking the head of Advisement.) And then ... ah, to don my sea-cucumber garb and simply roll gently with the tides. Soon, soon. Tempus fugit, no matter what's going on.

Well, that was a day...

I was originally going to have a riding lesson today, the first in months--but I called it off so I could work on my classes. Turns out it's a very good thing I did. I just spent the bulk of the day constructing those last few weeks' worth of folders for the online Nature in Lit, which, of course, took longer than I anticipated.

The good news is, that bit's now done--scratch it off the "to do before it bursts into flames" list. Next on the agenda: grading two weeks' worth of discussion board posts that have been silting up. Oh, and providing comments for the student who plagiarized, as I'm giving her a chance to fix the plagiarism--but she has to do some actual revising, too.

Of course, I've barely touched the essays for the SF class, but I realized yesterday, those can go at (or near) the bottom of the stack.

And as I wrote that, I thought, "Oh, I almost forgot: I have to do a new schedule for 101." So I just did that--it only took a few minutes (and actually makes the end of the semester work better all around than the original schedule did).

So, still to be done over the break, the aforementioned discussion board posts for Nature in Lit, marking an enormous stack of homework for the 101, and grading the remaining essays for the SF students. Plus other not-class-related projects: proofing the pages of our literary journal that I've been assigned, reading and evaluating a paper for a journal. And life maintenance stuff. Taxes, primarily. I usually have them done long before now--and April is nearly upon us.

However, I think I'm stick-a-fork-in-me done for tonight. It is the break, after all, and although I could push myself to get the taxes done, I think I'll leave that for another day. I do have things going on the next three days--some social, some life maintenance, some a mix of the two--so I can't lollygag too long. I'm trying to find the balance between reducing anxiety by getting stuff done and allowing myself to simply fall into a stupor. And man, I cannot wait until the end of May, when I can spend two weeks going through my usual post-partum blues and sleep weirdness--and then fritter away yet another summer.

"...just from that?"

An incident from Tuesday I forgot to record but rather like:

Before the SF class starts, I always end up erasing another professor's notes on the black (actually green) board. I mentioned a week or so ago that there was a long email brouhaha over whether it's rude or interesting to leave one's notes on the board ... and I try to remember always to erase before I leave, but I don't mind at all when other professor's don't. (I do mind when a colleague pressures me to be out of the classroom instantly after my class is over--or when a colleague stays in the classroom until I have to come in and chase the person out because my class is about to start--but that's a different issue.)

In any event, on Tuesday, when I came in and started to erase the board, a student asked what the notes were about and specifically why there was a note about "torture seasoning." Another student more accurately deciphered the handwriting and said that the note actually read "torture / suffering" (and there was some hilarity about how seasoning could be torture)--but then the student who had been baffled and mildly disturbed by the notes asked again what they were all about. I said, "The notes are from an ENG203 class, American Literature to the Civil War; they're reading narratives by former slaves from both the 18th and 19th century and discussing the various themes that come up, and where the themes are the same or different--so the 'torture and suffering' are themes in the slave narratives." The student's jaw dropped. "You got all that just from that?" he asked. I said, "This is my field; this is what I do." It really wasn't a very impressive feat for an ostensible Americanist, but for the students, it was astounding, like a mind-reading trick. Nope, just years of grad school and having taught 203 a few times.

And I didn't have anywhere near the optimistic ideal of five hours in which to grade--and I didn't make any appreciable progress in the grading with the time I did have. (Some time was lost to a decision to sleep a bit later than I'd intended--since I didn't get to sleep until almost 2 a.m.; more was lost to cleaning up snow enough that I could get out of the driveway; a bit was lost to getting handouts ready for today's class.) So I moved the deadline for the revision of essay 1 and I told the students that, if any of them want their essays back with comments over the break, they should email me and I'll scan the marked essay and send it. I don't think I'll get many takers, but whatever. It's the best I could do.

In the "good news" department, the colleague whose class I was supposed to observe got back to me and agreed that postponing until after the break makes sense. Unfortunately, the student from Nature in Lit whom I had agreed to meet after the observation has child-care concerns, so I still have to hang out here and wait for her to show at 7--but after that, I'm free and clear.

My meeting with the student from 101 went fine; I hope she has a better handle on what she needs to do in order to do better in the class. And I had a lovely meeting with the other colleague whose class I observed, so I can now write up that observation. (Another "I hope I do this over the break" thing that probably will not get done over the break.)

One other snippet to report: for the second time this semester, I've gotten a pitiful email from a student in Nature in Lit saying, "I don't understand this story; can you help me?" Well, first, it's not a "story" per se--but ... and then I have to explain how to read carefully. This is part of what I was doing with the student from 101, explaining how to read. I realize that I automatically read on three levels at once--those of us who are pretty literate do: we see the "big picture," we see details, and we see how details fit into the big picture. Students who struggle with reading sort of see the big picture--or they only see details--but they can't make the connections to understand how the bits fit into the whole (which of course means they don't truly understand the whole). As I keep having to talk students through the process, I realize that it's actually a relatively tricky thing to do--but it isn't one I can set up for them because I'd have to do so in writing, and, well, you see the problem. They can't read and understand my explanation of how to read and understand. So, I have to wait until students come to me pleading for help--the ones who are smart enough to realize they need the help--and then explain it. In the case of the students from Nature in Lit, I confess I explained in writing, but I could use specific examples from the text each student was struggling with, and that, I think, gives them something to hold on to.

I also am apparently going to have several conversations with students who do not understand why they got the low grades they got on their essays. In one instance, the answer is, "because you didn't actually say anything; you just paraphrased the work you were talking about." (I might note that the paraphrase also often indicated that the student didn't understand what the author was talking about.) But getting them to understand that well written sentences that don't actually mean anything are not sufficient to get a good grade.

Ah well. Those meetings will be fun and frolic for another time. For now, I'm going to noodle until the student shows up, and when she's gone, I'm going to do a little life maintenance and then ... as my friend Szilvia jokes, I'll deluxe.

Posting may occur over the break--but don't hold me to it. If not, I'll be back here, blogging, in April. ("April": that has such a nice sound. "May" would be better, but "April" is better than "March.")

Oh, argh

Well, I spent about twice as long as I "should" have grading the essays for the Nature in Lit class. They're graded and back to students now, but I didn't even glance at the essays for the SF students--and I wanted to get those back to them tomorrow. I have 14 of them to grade. I'm meeting a student from the 101 at 1 tomorrow (she's struggling and we need to talk), and at 3:30, I'm meeting with the adjunct whose class I observed last week. Another student from 101 may show up during my office hour. (I also have another observation to conduct, and I'm meeting with a student from Nature in Lit about her plagiarism after that observation, so tomorrow is going to be a looooooong day.)

So, if I'm wildly optimistic, I have a maximum of five hours in which to grade them. That's three per hour, 20 minutes each. I "should" be able to do that--but even when I'm trying to be efficient as hell, I usually can only get through two in an hour.

Fuck fuck fuck.

The kicker, too, is I have no idea which students won't come to class; we have a late start tomorrow, operating on the assumption that roads will be clear enough that people can get to campus by 1, but a lot of students won't risk it anyway--and given how badly some of them drive, that's probably a good plan.

I sort of have a back-up plan in mind. It's a crap plan, but it's the best I can come up with right now. If I don't get them all marked--which is likely--I'll give back the ones I have done tomorrow, and the rest I'll scan and email back to the students ASAP. (I can hold back the two that were submitted to Turnitin late, and I think one student plagiarized, which makes grading her essay easier. Sadly, it's one of the students who comes regularly to the Monday salon, but, well, we can use the seminar hours appointment to talk about the plagiarism, and ask the other student to wait until we're done.) There may be one more that's just so god-awful it won't take long to grade--but I'm grasping at straws here.

The other kicker is, although I am caught up on the essays for the Nature in Lit, I'm way behind on all the rest of their work--again.

Well, this is what spring break is for. This, and constructing the weekly folders for the last few weeks of the semester. And reviewing an article for a journal for which I am a jury reader. And proofreading the section of the college's literary journal that I've been assigned. And probably about 4,000 other things that I'm blissfully forgetting. Oh, and there's P&B work, too. When I'll get to that is anyone's guess.

Now, however, it's late enough that I need to switch to self-care and evening wind-down as rapidly  as I can. There's something a little counterproductive about trying to wind down quickly, but such is the easy and privileged life of a professor in the trenches.

Another snow day. Good news? Bad news?

The snow day tomorrow is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, I can sleep late (and the heavenly choir sings), and I have the whole day to work without interruptions, which God knows I could use. As it is, I just redid the schedule for the online class for the rest of the semester, not only shifting the deadlines for work so students can do everything on the weekends but also giving the students more time to work on their second essays--and me a chance to get their first essays back to them. I'm going to end up moving the date for revisions of the first essay for the SF class, too, as I still don't have those essays back to them. And the snow day really bollixes the 101 assignment schedule. I emailed students earlier today telling them how the adjustments will work for the two weeks after we get back from the break, but I will have to then juggle the assignments for the rest of the semester.

Well, flexibility is good for ... something, I'm sure.

Today started with me having to replace my cell phone (not much of a story), but that set me back on time--and then I spent a lot of time reworking that Nature in Lit schedule and making sure the dates on the necessary online links were adjusted as well. In a face-to-face class I'd have done more juggling readings around to make the week when the essay is due lighter--but to do that for the online class would have meant completely reconfiguring the content of each weekly folder, which I absolutely do not have time to do. (And I just realized that I've been rather blissfully forgetting that I still haven't created the weekly material for the last few weeks of the semester. Note to self number 6,892.)

I also had to respond to two students who plagiarized--homework or essay (or both)--in the Nature in Lit. I decided to allow both of them to continue in the class, and I'm going to meet with one of them, because even when I presented her with the evidence of plagiarism, she said she couldn't see what she'd done wrong--and I actually believe that. It's been a number of years since she was in any English course, and she confesses that English has ever been a problem for her. So, teachable moment, says I. The other student? Well, I think he's a con man to a certain extent, but whatever. I don't have the energy to hassle over it. Take the zero; see if you can pass anyway. Moving on.

We had a relatively uneventful P&B, I'm glad to say (though there is some campus-wide brouhaha over the need to make up class days that were canceled because of the weather--a saga about the politics of this fucking place that I won't get into).

And then, class. And I have to say, I was a bit disappointed in the students today, as the majority of them had not done the reading--and even those who had been in class when I went over the set-up for the novel had pretty much forgotten everything I said. So, I re-explained (two major narrative lines, plus interspersed sermons and hymns; one narrative line in 3rd person, one in 1st; time jumps but this time signaled by dates--but those dates referring to an internal time structure, not a larger calendar; overlapping time setting with the first novel...), and then we did story time, with me reading aloud and stopping from time to time to get some of their thinking. (I made a joke about story time, too: everyone make sure you have your graham crackers and orange juice before teacher starts reading. I don't know if they had that memory--which actually was what we did either before or after nap time when I was in kindergarten (and each of us had a little rug to lie down on for nap time)--but they were obligingly amused.) I'm hoping they are better about being on track with the reading by Thursday. If not, I'll have to speak to them sternly.

But even with the majority of them unprepared, they still were lively and had a great time teasing each other and making jokes. Class chemistry. Can't bottle it; can't beat it with a stick.

Now, however, the building is all but deserted (OMIGOD! Sometime in the next 12 hours it might snow! Head for the hills, quick! Whoop Whoop Whoop sirens blaring...), and I'm not only falling over tired but extremely hungry. So I'm going to take care of both those things and hunker down for the night in the sure and certain knowledge that tomorrow will not only be another day; it will be a snow day.

Apres le salon...

Paul was teasing that I needed to have a supply of absinthe for my evening salon with my students. I really am having a blast with this--and in fact, they've now started showing up early and hanging out talking with each other until I'm here and ready. More rambling conversation about books, movies, TV shows, literary merit, personal taste in literature....

I'd love to get a few more students involved, but it's also fun just to chat, the three of us. (And it's making for good stats for my fulfillment of my seminar hours, which is all to the good.)

I did not, however, get any essays marked. One almost, but not completely. Dammit. I'd planned to allow myself to sleep in tomorrow, but I'd better not; I realized today with a dull thud that the next essay for the Nature in Lit class is scheduled for right after the break--which won't work if they haven't gotten feedback on Essay 1. Yikes and likewise zoiks.

I'd like to get the SF essays back to them, too, by Thursday (not a chance for tomorrow, not with the Nature in Lit essays still to mark). Note to self: say less. I keep forgetting that I'm grading lit essays, which do not have to be revised, and I'm commenting as if they're 101 essays, which do.

Knock it off, Prof. P.

Class today was pretty dull--as is getting to be the typical situation. The students didn't have a lot to say about the readings, which were, I confess, a bit thin in any event. But, improvising, I had them do a little brain-storming about possible essay topics--and I'm glad I did, as a few of them were trying to take on too much. By talking with them about their topics now, I was able to forestall some potential problems. Wednesday should be easy: they're bringing in their own articles, so I doubt we'll be there the whole class period--though I may have them start writing their essays right there in class, more to use the time than anything.

Or not. I may just let them go early and come back to the office to grind through whatever work has floated to the top of the triage list. (And that's another thing about tomorrow: I need to get the homework marked for the 101 students so they can get it back before the break.)

I'm going to end up with almost no one in that class. Ah well. The joys of the SF class make up for the plodding tedium of the 101.

And with that brief summation of the day, I am out of here, doing a little self-care for the evening, and recognizing that tomorrow will soon be today, and today will be yesterday. Which reminds me of Moondog. (You youngsters don't remember Moondog.) https://youtu.be/KH5PNRI0A8o