Apres moi...

... le deluge. Just thought I'd say that because it's very rainy today--but my first batch of students may be feeling a bit under water right now, too.

I'm having a strangely difficult time transitioning to the fact that the new semester has begun. This is partly because I was all set for it to start last week--and then, because of the hurricane, I was offered a monster inducement to give up my seat on the flight home, and ended up staying on the West Coast until Sunday, five extra days (and it was bliss). I spent all day yesterday trying to wrap my brains around the fact that I'm back on this coast, would be coming back to work, but it hasn't been entirely successful. I expect by the end of next week, it'll all feel familiar again. Sigh.

Today's batch of students, the first I've met this term, seemed like the usual mixed bag. The lights were definitely on in some faces, definitely not in others, and most it's hard to tell just yet. My dog-and-pony show was a little different from usual; I've gotten bored with my own jokes, and have decided to begin as I mean to go on, by telling them to do more on their own. We got through the first day hand-outs, though I more frequently said "Go over this on your own," and they were asking good questions--for the most part.

I'm very worried about one young woman, who came up to me after class and asked me about the reading journal form and assignment. She was deeply confused, didn't seem to understand that where the syllabus says "writing due: reading journal on X," that meant the reading journal form I'd just gone over. Her lack of comprehension was pretty profound, demonstrating a real disconnect somewhere. She said she is trying to get herself set up with a counselor in the Center for Students with Disabilities but her doctor is confused about what kind of documentation CSD needs. (My hunch is, if he's confused, it's because the student isn't explaining it very well.) Apparently she grew up in an institutional setting of some kind, and is now being "mainstreamed." I'm not very good at dealing with students like that, I confess. I was very patient with her in terms of explaining (again) what was required for next class, but I know I won't be very good about adjusting my teaching style to try to reach her if she can't keep up. And these early signs are not promising.

On the other hand, as a great delight to me, one student in that section is a returnee from last semester. Smart as he is, and as wonderful as he was in class discussions, he only managed to squeak out a D last term, so he decided to take the class from me again. It will be very interesting to see how he feels about the paper-writing process I'm test-driving this semester, as he can compare two different pedagogical approaches from the same professor. His feedback at the end of the semester will be most helpful.

I'm trying out a lot of new stuff, in fact. When I was in Washington, I talked with Ed and Gary about an idea I had, which I tried out today. It won't bear fruit right away (if at all), but I decided not only to tell students a little about my teaching philosophy--that I don't come in with a prepared set of points to go over but expect them to come up with the approach to anything we read--but also to give them a talk about a deeper stance I have about education. I told them that being in college will change them. They can either do the work simply to get the superficial skills that will help them in the job world, which is one kind of change, or they can use college to begin a journey that will take them into a deeper, richer interior life than they have imagined possible--which is quite another kind of change. But they cannot expect to go to college and not be changed, one way or another. So if they feel like they don't want to change anything about themselves, then perhaps this isn't the right time for them to be in college. And whichever kind of change they go for, they are going to have to work hard, and may find themselves resisting the changes they'll need to make.

I'm not sure what prompted all that in me, but I suspect it's because I'm going through a period of deep change of my own, in which my psyche is getting reorganized and I feel a whole different sense of what matters to me, in my personal and professional lives. It's a hard change to talk about, but it makes me want to tell the students a different kind of truth than I've told them before. I wonder who actually heard what I was saying--or what they thought they heard. I saw a lot of heads nodding (and not with impending sleep); I saw some resistance on a few faces--but mostly just focused attention. They were listening, at least, even if they didn't really understand.

But I do intend to refer back to that talk as the semester goes along, especially when we get into the nitty-gritty of revising written work. I intend to remind them that change is hard but necessary: that they cannot write as they always have and expect it to be good enough.

Well, it's a big ole experiment. We'll see how it all flies.

I have some work to do for Bruce tomorrow and Thursday, putting together numbers regarding the "retention pool" of adjuncts. I don't really understand what I'm supposed to do just yet (never mind what a "retention pool" is), but I just need to sit down and do it, hoping it comes clear as I chip away at it, following the instructions. I can always ask Bruce if I remain confused, but I'm glad I can help him with this task, since I left him so badly in the lurch when I flew the coop before the adjuncts were all scheduled and staffing nailed down. He said that the chaos wasn't too awful after I left, but still: I know I owe him, big time--and I know he'll make sure he gets paid back everything I owe. One nice thing on that front: I don't have to put in quite as many hours in the evenings as I'd thought. I won't have to rush off to dance class on Tuesdays but will have a little time after the close of that evening office hour before I have to head to the studio. Cool beans.

That said, however, I'm not going to dance tonight. I haven't gotten on a normalized sleep schedule yet, and I'm afraid if I'm out late (as I tend to be when I go to class), I'll perpetuate the late-to-bed cycle that I'm trying to break. So as soon as I'm finished blogging and have done a little organizational noodling to prep for tomorrow morning, I'll head for the hills. Here's hoping for an easy glide into early slumber, so that morning alarm isn't too alarming.