I may regret this in the morning

It's early--not even 5 p.m., the sun still shining brightly--and yet I'm going to pack it in for today. I lugged all the homework for all three classes home, and I'm going to lug it all back to campus without having done a damned thing with it. My original plan for today was to finish grading the essays for my Tuesday conferences and then dive into the homework. Nope. Here's why.

I got a bit more of a reprieve than I anticipated; I didn't realize until just a little while ago that not one but two of the students with conferences scheduled for Tuesday did not submit essays. So I only had three to grade. I graded two (the mother-daughter students); the third? Nah. It can wait.

As for the homework, most of the students in tomorrow's 101 opted to keep their articles and notes over the weekend, so I really don't have much to mark, and I think (I hope) I can get it done during my time in Advisement. If not, no big whoop. I can get it back to them on Thursday. I have an enormous stack of stuff for the Tuesday/Thursday class, as they all submitted their articles and notes (no one asked if they could keep them, so I didn't make the offer). But that's Tuesday. And I have all of tomorrow afternoon (my last conference is at 3:20) plus my time in Advisement on Tuesday morning in which to get their stuff done and back to them.

And, truth to be told: I'm tired. Not so much physically as psychologically. Weekends simply don't seem long enough--even though they're longer than most working stiffs get and even though they're as long as they've been for the last 17 years--and I have that "one foot out the door" feeling: I do not feel like exerting any effort, or giving up any time that I don't absolutely have to exert or give up.

I had a thought about next week's paper grading onslaught (which really is causing underground tremors of anxiety): I'll mark the check list I give the students, and I'll mark no more than two things per page of each essay. Today, I got an essay from the woman who was in my office on Thursday; I'll call her Ms Scattered. She got it in under the 72-hour deadline, so she did get some points, but the rule is no comments. I sort of slid the rule a bit, as I did fill out the check list for her and provided comments on that--but I didn't mark a thing on the essay itself. And whaddaya know: it didn't take long at all, and it was pretty painless.

My entire teaching career I've been told by other teachers that students cannot possibly absorb extensive comments, so producing them is just a lot of strain on me and no real benefit to the students. My entire teaching career, I've been told by students that they actually like the extensive comments. As one student said, "I know I can't possibly address them all, but they give me an idea of just how far I have to go." I figure, between the checklist and keeping comments on the papers themselves to a minimum, I may be hitting a sort of happy medium. And if not? If I'm shortchanging the students? They'll survive. They just won't have had the full experience of having me as a professor as previous students have.

Shifting back to the 102: I'm still trying to figure out what to do about the mechanics: the sentence-level, editing stuff. I haven't read a paper yet that doesn't need some work on that level, so I do want to give them that feedback--but I want them to revise first. I know I can't entirely control that no matter what I do, but my current plan is to tell everyone that I'll email the checklist and marked essays after the last of the conferences on Thursday. That gives me time to mark them, and the copier in the office on campus can scan--and rapidly--so that should work pretty well. If it works well enough with them (and doesn't take too long), I'll do the same for the 101s. I opted against spending a class period on that stuff, but ... it does need to be done. Hmmm.

In any event, while the sun is still shining, I'm going to pack it in. My main goal for today is to get to bed waaaay earlier than usual so that 6 a.m. alarm isn't quite as painful as usual. Here's hoping.

That was relatively painless...

I didn't get started working on essay grading until relatively late, but I've finished relatively early--and that includes some futzing around with stuff peripheral to the main work (fixing the check-list I use for the next step, the "mechanics" part; deciding that I don't really want to do that on electronic files but will do it by hand (I briefly thought it would work for me to do both kinds of review at once; nope. It will be easier for me to glance through the essays and do the checklist from there, hand 'em out in conference). I admit, I was helped by the fact that one student didn't submit her essay yet (the one who was in my office on Thursday), but I may be helped tomorrow by the fact that the students submitting essays probably will have done a pretty good job, which means I'll have less to do. I also found I could cut and paste most of the "overall" comments from one essay to the next, as they all dealt with the same topic and all had the same problems (good ideas but scattered all over and lacking evidence).

I still have an enormous stack of 101 homework to dig through, which I should do before I pack it in for today, but ... well, I'm not going to. Yes, I may regret the decision later--but never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. But I also have my own homework to do, studying in preparation for the continuation of my teacher training in Breath-Body-Mind. I almost bailed on getting the training, as I knew I'd have very little time in which to do the homework assigned (especially since it involves a lot of repetition and memorization), but ... well, I'll do what I can. If I'm the "bad" student, I'll take Level 2 again--or just be the student who just manages to squeeze out enough to do what's required.

So, here's the plan for the moment--always with the awareness that the mice and I may make best-laid plans but that doesn't mean they won't go agly: I will work on BBM stuff tonight. I will grade the essays for tomorrow (and I just realized that one of the students in the next batch also hasn't submitted his essay, so that helps there--assuming he still hasn't submitted by tomorrow). There are also two students who haven't been in class of late and who don't have conferences but who did submit essays, but theirs get graded last. If they sign up for conferences before I've had a chance to grade their essays, that's their too bad.

Then there's the student who was freaking out on Wednesday because she couldn't upload her essay (because she was doing it wrong)--but who then emailed the essay to me and figured her job was done. I've just sent her a second email (though clearly she never read the first one) telling her that it isn't my job to take care of her assignments. She hasn't signed up for a conference, either. So even though I have a copy of her essay and could conceivably upload it for her, I'm not inclined to do so. I kinda want to "larn" her. The sad thing is, she seemed like a very good and eager student, so part of me also is worried that something in her life has suddenly fallen apart--and of course, if that's the case, I'll be lenient. Possibly too lenient, but I will want to give her a chance to do well.

Let us now chant the mantra "We'll see." To be followed by a chorus of "I'll think about that tomorrow." You all know the pages in your hymnals.

A remarkably prescient student

In the self-evaluation written by one of my students, I encountered the happy exclamation, "I'm excited to see how things unravel from here." All I can think is that she has precognitive abilities, to foresee the inevitable unraveling of the semester as it progresses....

(Insert "Smiley Face" emoji here.)

I just finished writing up the minutes for P&B. I absolutely needed to get them done, as A. I don't want to do them at home and 2. I'm going to be so buried in student stuff for the next week, I wouldn't be sure of having another chance prior to next week's meeting. Of course, until I wrote that sentence, I'd forgotten to send the damned things, but that's taken care of now.

In other "housecleaning" type chores, I scheduled the appointments for the 102 conferences next week, typed up a schedule to affix outside the door for those students who haven't been in class this week, got the notices ready to post outside the classrooms, reminding students that we'll be conferencing, that sort of silliness. In the process, I keep thinking about an email I got from a student this morning (it was sent late last night). First, she was trying to upload her essay directly to Turnitin instead of going through Blackboard, so I set her straight on that--and second, since she was panicking about submitting late, I hoped to alleviate her panic by telling her that the upload didn't need to be completed until 11:59 p.m. tonight, not yesterday. And then she didn't come to class. And she hasn't uploaded her essay. I'm wondering if she bothered to check for a response to her email or if she just assumed that, having emailed her essay to me, her job was done. She also hasn't signed up for a conference time. I think she has the potential to be a great student, but I am not going to chase after her about this. She'll either come through, explain why she didn't, or get the "you need to be responsible" lecture. Whatever.

Backing up to the start of the day: I got here only about 15 minutes later than I'd intended (which I count as a win), and I managed to chunk through almost all the assignments for today's 101 before I went to the 102. I did meet with a student from the 102 who was struggling with the essay. I may have mentioned her before: she's an adult, but she always has 40 excuses for why she doesn't have her work done. Keeping her focused on the actual questions she wanted to have answered was a bit of a challenge, and in the process, she mentioned that she has been diagnosed bipolar--but that she's been off her medications for some time. Oh, now I get it. She's not quite fully manic, but she has tendencies that way. I've offered to do the "calm down" breathing with her, but I did also say she needed to check in with her doctor--and I will encourage her to make use of the campus psychological counseling services. I suspect she'll resist seeing them about the bipolarity, but I'll frame it as a way to manage her admitted anxiety. She needs more than I can offer, that's for sure.

She did not come to class today--and since her essay was only about half done, that made sense. I had heard earlier from another student who wouldn't be able to be there. And, as usual, there were other absentees: about half the class was there--one came quite late--but that was OK by me: they did their peer review; I did a quick demo of how to get on Blackboard and to the Turnitin submissions part, and then I marked a few more assignments for the 101. While I was doing that, one student asked if he could use the computer in the classroom to show his partner that an MLA format template is in Google Docs--at which point, I realized I never went over the format with them. (Doh! Professor has brains of oatmeal moment number 361 for this semester.) Well, for those who were still hanging around, I showed them the pages in the handbook that have the instructions and--more important--examples, and I told them I'd cover it for next time so they shouldn't get too wound up about it at this stage. I will, however, try to remember to put something about that on the "mechanics" review sheets I'll send them ... at some point.

I also realized I hadn't talked to them about the "show your work" copy that I am requiring (instead of a mechanics review or a revision plan). Several of them (including the woman I met in my office) said, essentially, "Oh, I don't need to revise: I get there on my own." Fair enough. If your essay is so great that I have no suggestions, or very few, you'll have less work to do after our conference. I didn't tell them that my hunch is I'll find a hell of a lot more for them to revise--and not just to practice changing things but because it's really needed for improvement--than they might imagine possible.

What with one thing and another, I didn't get all the assignments marked for the 101 before I had to go to class--but in a "God smiled" moment, two of the students whose work I had not yet done were not in class today, so, reprieve. I went over the writing process with them--and, after a student from the M/W class informing me that they didn't have a handout they needed for the quiz, I knew to go over the handout with them. Then they talked about the readings--with intelligence and a certain amount of passion. We didn't get to talk about all three readings with the class as a whole, but we can finish them up on Tuesday.

Of course, that means I have to mark them all and be ready to hand them back on Tuesday, but I won't be as slammed with essay evaluation for the 102 as I might be. Five students are signed up for conferences on Monday--but I already arranged with Advisement not to go in on Monday morning, and I can easily do five essays over the weekend. In fact, if I apply a little discipline (not my best thing), I can probably get the essays for both Monday and Tuesday done over the weekend, with some time to mark homework for the 101s in there as well. It will help to alternate: 102 essays; 101 homework, and so on. It will be a busy weekend, no way around that, but not as grinding as it could be. Not as grinding as the following weekend almost certainly will be. But I'll worry about that later. There will be no way to know in advance how many students (or which students) will actually submit anything, or when the conference times will fall, or anything else. So, not a worry for today.

In fact, I think I've packed up all today's worries--if indeed I was worried at all, which I don't think I was. I'm pretty sure somewhere in there a pearl dropped through the floorboards, but either it won't matter or I'll remember about it eventually. (Or both.) Now, it's time to lug all the student work I have in hand out to the car and home--and to switch off professor mode for at least the next 14 hours or so. Maybe longer. Longer would be good.

Posting fast...

...which actually may be just fine, as I don't think I have a lot to say. I did have to use some class time to finish marking stuff today, but I got it done and got it all back to the students. I did the usual Writing Process lecture, then turned them loose on the readings, one from Monday, the others due today. They didn't talk much--of course--but they did talk. At a certain point, naturally, the talk turned to "do you understand this assignment?" kind of stuff, but that's fine too. When we got to the "class as a whole" conversation on the first article, the one from Monday, only two people were contributing. I finally said, "So X and Y are the only two who read the articles and have anything to say?" One or two more students stepped up to the plate at that point--but then, when we turned attention to the articles for today, I asked, "So, how many of you came here straight from high school?" Most of the hands went up. "And do you think your high school prepared you for college?" A resounding chorus of "no." And then they got excited and wanted to talk. At the end, I said, "Well, that lit you up. Great!" The class ended with students showing me their homework but wanting to take it home for potential use writing the essays that are due next Wednesday. Do I honestly believe all those students will be working on their essays over the weekend? Phhhht. It is to laugh. Do I care? Nah. They did the work. I'll collect it later. Fair enough.

Advisement was very quiet, thank heavens--but I still didn't get as much done as I'd rather hoped I would. (Yes, we can sing that chorus again.) Well, there's always tomorrow.

Oh, and backing up, two students from the 102 showed up during my seminar hour; one had made an appointment, and we just quickly went over what he needs to prioritize, as he is pretty far behind. (He's got a family situation that was tripping him up, but he says it won't in the future.) The other showed up five minutes before the end of the seminar hour without an appointment. I gave him a bit of a hard time about that, but I talked with him anyway. He also has missed a lot of class and a lot of work (and somehow completely missed the part where he has to write up notes about the readings and submit them to me). He mostly wanted clarification about the essay--and he asked if he should agree/disagree ... and I had to explain that one can't agree or disagree with a work of art. (Note to self: take that Van Gogh poster in to class, show it to them, and say, "OK, do you agree?") But I explained what he did need to do. I don't think he gets it, but all he can do is try.

And another student--one of the adult women in the class--emailed to say she's drowning, wanted to see me today (no can do) or before class tomorrow... so I'll see her at 11. Despite her being an adult, she always has an excuse--or several--for why she doesn't have her work on time. Ah well.

So, yes, I do have to get up at 6 tomorrow and get to campus as early as I possibly can so I can put in a good stint of marking before class, and another (I hope final, clean-up round) during my office hour (and please: no students dropping by). But now, I am off to meet with the gang for a wonderful Italian dinner in the City. This makes my week. And I am outta here....

Where to start??

Man, today has been all over the place.

Didn't get everything marked for the 101, dammit. I now have a huge, steaming pile of stuff to mark for them. Since they're my last class in the sequence, they've been getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop, but I really do need to move them to the top of the triage stack ASAP.

That said, I really want to knock off the assignments I have for tomorrow's 101 before class, if I can. I think a student from the 102 will come to see me at 11, but I want to be in the office as early as I can stand it. I tried to burn through a few more assignments tonight, but I just ran out of steam. (I know; I know. If I didn't assign it, I wouldn't have to mark it.) Fortunately, there's no burning urgency for me to get things marked for the 102, as on Thursday, they'll come in with their essays. And there are so few of them at this point, I really won't have to tear myself to shreds getting their essays read and commented upon before their conferences. (Doing two sections of 101 will be quite a different story.)

Oh: completely random memory, but I didn't say: it finally happened. A student actually wrote in a self-evaluation that she's struggled with writing "from the gecko." Those writing assignments given my little lizards are the worst.

(And by the way, I suddenly cannot spell at all. I've had trouble with spelling all my life, but there was a good stretch in there when I did pretty well. Now? It would be more embarrassing except I do tend to catch myself. Not always, but usually.)

So, let's see: I got to campus after my doctor's appointment and did some marking of assignments--but of course the appointment kept me later than I'd hoped, so I didn't have much time before my 102 class. That class went well: I did some talking about the writing process, and they talked about the story they'd read with real intelligence. But there are several students who are freaking out for one reason or another. One is upset because I keep telling her she's summarizing and she thinks she's including her thoughts. (Come to see me with one of your assignments and we'll talk it over when we can look at an actual example.) One is upset because he got the "early warning" that I distribute before NCC's official "Academic Progress" reports go out. "Am I failing the class?" "Not yet; that's why I'm warning you now. But you'd better button it up." Another isn't upset but realizes he's missed a lot and wants to talk to me about it. (Good plan.) I got an email from yet another who has missed the last two classes (I thought three, but I haven't checked). She wanted to know what she missed. Granted, she didn't ask if she'd missed anything, which is a step in the right direction, but what she missed? All the discussion, all my lecturing, all the handouts. The handouts she can download from Blackboard. She should know what assignments she's missing, because they're detailed in the assignment schedule. As for the rest? There is no way I can--or will--give an overview of all of it. Sorry you missed it, and I know you couldn't help it, but ... that's how it goes.

Anyway, with all the students wanting to talk to me after class, I was running late to P&B; I quickly printed up the minutes, then tried to catch up with whatever was being discussed (an overview of the main issues brought up in today's Academic Senate meeting)--and there was a lot of information about programs and changes and who's doing what with the changes to department structures (mostly having to do with all the remedial/developmental courses), most of which I missed. We made so many changes to the schedule for the work flow of sabbatical and promotion application mentoring that we all have to trust that Cathy got it all and that what she distributes is right and makes sense.

I had to leave the meeting before it really wrapped up in order to get to class. I took time to attend to a very simple biological need, grabbed my stuff and went--only to discover that I'd neglected to load the handouts I needed to distribute into the class folder. Whoof. Well, I did a little of the Breath-Body-Mind stuff with them (which went much better than it did with the other class, not to my surprise), talked about quotation and paraphrase, and then turned them loose on an exercise in identifying plagiarism while I dashed across campus to get the stuff I'd left behind. Of course, as soon as I was walking outside, it started to rain--and my new fancy umbrella was still in my pack in the classroom. Fortunately, I have a spare umbrella in my purse (I keep umbrellas and glasses all over the place), so I could get back to class without the handouts--or the professor--getting soaked. And to my delight, the students were diligently working on the plagiarism exercise, though I seemed to have timed my return well, as most of them had finished.

Anyway, as was the case on Monday, we didn't get to talking about the article they'd read for today, so I told them to keep it until Thursday; I just collected their "reflection" assignments, which I do need to get back to them on Thursday, so they have an idea of what they need to do for their first versions of their big, formal essays.

After class, again, an onslaught of students wanting to ask/tell/explain things. I finally got back to the office and have pretty much been working on grading since. I got up to K in the alphabetical order of students in the M/W 101--not far enough, but all I could manage.

And I just remembered that I have to run an errand on my way home (or I won't have breakfast tomorrow). and tomorrow, I have more rushing around to do--in order to get on a train with Paul at 5:30, heading into the City to have dinner with William and Kristin. That will be a delight--but it again cuts into the time I have to mark stuff, so... Well, here we go, right? The nuttiness has set in. Life is bananas flambe. And tomorrow is blah blah blah...

Pretty embarrassing, I admit

The howling blunders on handouts/assignments for the 102 continue apace. Good thing at least one student is paying attention--although, perhaps if she weren't, the others would just assume they were missing something, and I would never know I had made the errors so wouldn't have to continually apologize for them and come up with solutions. Ah well.

I just finished marking all the homework for the 102, so that's a good thing. I still have a wodge of 101 homework to mark before tomorrow afternoon--and honestly, I probably won't get it all done. I keep blissfully forgetting about P&B, and in the current "I don't care; I'm halfway out the door anyway" mode, I also tend to forget that I can's simply say, "Sorry, won't make today's meeting"--because, like an idiot, I agreed to be the recording secretary. Of course, if I were to miss the meeting, someone would have to step into the breach and take notes for the minutes, but ... well, there's just enough of me that wants to be the good girl that I will actually be there unless I truly, positively can't be. Knowing that the only time I'll have will be the time before my 1:00 class, I can only hope that tomorrow morning's (routine) doctor's appointment goes very quickly and I can get to the office early enough to get a bunch done, maybe enough so I have at least a whisker of a chance at finishing up during class, while they do other stuff.

And speaking of getting work done: I managed to get the work done for today's class in large measure because I didn't do my stint in Advisement. It was another morning of waking up at 4:30 a.m. with an incipient migraine (a habit I really do have to break), so I opted to sleep in--which wasn't entirely successful but at least was better than getting up at 6 having had only 4-1/2 hours of sleep. That put me in the office about 11--and I had done enough work over the weekend (a habit I'm going to have to continue most if not all of this semester) that that hour and a half very nearly did it.

And perhaps in part because I had to finish marking and recording grades while the students worked, today's 101 was pretty disastrous. I started with some of the Breath-Body-Mind exercises, and the students were far too self-conscious and inhibited to really do any of them. I'll do them again a couple of times, hoping they get a little more serious about them--or that I can teach them better--but I certainly won't spend time on them every class. Most of the period was spent going over the distinctions between quotation and paraphrase, what changes are permitted to quotations, and how to recognize plagiarism and avoid it. I gave them an exercise to do (after doing some lecture about it all)--and I had to keep reminding them that I should hear them talking about what they were doing. Usually the "find the plagiarism" exercise goes down great but this group just wouldn't respond. (It doesn't help that I have a very hard time hearing them: their voices get lost in the large room, and I have to go to the back of the classroom to get my ears away from a loud AC unit that produces the kind of white noise that effectively cancels out my ability to hear at all). So none of that worked all that well. When I was going to turn attention to the article the students were supposed to have read for today, I found a number of them didn't have it and didn't know it was even due because they hadn't bothered to look at the assignment schedule but simply assumed they knew what to do. They got  a mini-lecture about that (read the assignment schedule; if you don't have a handout for something that's required, find it on Blackboard, subtext: "what the fuck is the matter with you"), but then I said that I'd let everyone go early (only by about 15 minutes); we'll discuss three articles on Wednesday (the two assigned for Wednesday plus the one assigned for today); and everyone who did the work on time gets two extra points. I should have said everyone who didn't do the work gets zero credit--but I figured if I did that, none of them would do the reading they had neglected this time around. Whatever. The student who joined the class late is turning out to be by far the best student in the class, so much so that when he sent me an email earlier today, I responded and then said I was sorry that he wasn't in a class with more students like he is. He really deserves a better experience, and I'm sorry it looks like he won't get it. I hope I can avoid a rocket launch of temper with those kids--and they are kids, despite whatever their ages might be. I try to breathe and remember that I can let go of a lot of trying to get them to grow up and behave and just let them decide whether they want to grow up or whether they prefer to run the risk of failing the class.

It will be interesting to see how the 102 goes tomorrow--and then comes the first deluge of essays (due on Thursday). My hunch is that I'll get about nine or ten essays on time, another three or four late, and a couple not at all. That's eminently doable. When I get the essays from the 101s, that's going to be more of a crunch. But that's a worry for another time.

Right now, my brain has turned to so much oatmeal, so I reckon it's time to pack it in for the night, hoping to get a better start on the day tomorrow. It's been a day filled with conversations with colleagues--which is lovely but time consuming--so I may hole up in the office and pretend I'm not here tomorrow, whenever I arrive after seeing the doctor.

Whatever. In thirteen weeks, it will all be over. The countdown continues.

Well, that was moderately painful...

This was one of those "wake up at 4 a.m. with a migraine and be unable to go back to sleep" mornings that are always so delightful. I gave up the fight with sleep at 5 and started marking assignments instead--which turned out to be a good thing, as otherwise, I probably wouldn't have been able to finish them and get them back to the students today. I barely got everything marked and back before the end of the class session--and I had to keep the 102 students hanging around for a bit while I quickly recorded their marks before returning their homework to them.

But now, I only have assignments that I collected this week still waiting to be addressed, nothing holding over from before. That's not quite having clear decks, but it's about as close as it's going to get until the semester is over, is my hunch.

Given the no sleep/migraine thing, I bailed on today's department meeting; I marked stuff until about 10 (with a break for breakfast in there somewhere), then took a brief nap, then got up, showered, and got to work in time to gather up what I needed for class and get across campus on time.

A bunch of students were late; between the "Tuesday is a Monday" thing and our shifting classrooms (first from one building to another, but even now Tuesdays in one room and Thursdays in another), we're all losing track of where we're supposed to be. I was not entirely happy that five students had not done the reading, but I just followed my new protocol: if you've not done the reading, you sit in the back of the class. While the groups are working, you can read what you should have read before class; when the whole class starts talking, you can listen and take notes--but not say anything. It worked OK. They had read "Ile Forest," which can be challenging sometimes, but I'm very happy that the majority of them got it without struggle (though two students missed a pretty important--and I think glaringly obvious--plot point). As a class, they're still a bit hesitant to speak up when we shift from small groups to class as a whole, but they're great about paying attention--and taking notes.

Two students were there today who I haven't seen in a while (one has only been in class once so far) and another student whose attendance has been spotty and who has yet to submit much in the way of work. I read them a very toned down version of the riot act. The "good grade" ship may already be vanishing over the horizon, but if they have any hope of getting on board, now's the time. I don't have high hopes for any of them, though at least one seems to have the chops to do well, if he'd just knuckle down and do it. But that's often the way of it: bright students don't do the work, trying to sail along on their innate brightness. (I say that as one who did far too much of that through high school and my under-grad years.) Well, we'll see how it all shakes out.

The 101 class today was a bit of a bust. The librarian running the information session was, for reasons I do not understand, focusing on No Child Left Behind, not Common Core. I just sent them an email apologizing and explaining why I didn't correct the librarian but also stating that the processes and procedures he showed can work for any topic. I also thanked a few of them (though not individually): In order to see who is checking email, I'd given them the opportunity to get two points extra credit if they wrote the word "swordfish" on their self-evaluations. Two of them managed in delightful ways to actually incorporate it into their self-evaluations. The first one did it so seamlessly that I didn't even notice until I saw the second one do it. What a delightful way for them to take something pretty boring and do something more fun with it. Really, they have the possibility to shape into a wonderful class, if we can keep this chemistry going.

So, I got back to my office and started taking care of little bits and orts that I'm afraid I might forget (putting together conference sign in sheets, that sort of thing), but I realize I need a few hours in which to simply sit in the office and slowly, carefully look at what's coming up in my classes, on my calendar, and so on, and make sure I have a sense of what needs to be done and when. Right now, I'm not even doing as well as the White Queen in Alice. I'm running as fast as I can, but I think I may well still be falling behind. Nevertheless, I did get the P&B minutes written up and sent out for email vetting prior to next week's meeting. And I am about to pack up work to take home: I hate doing work at home over the weekend, but this semester, with three sections of comp, if I don't, I'll drown. It isn't much, and I really shouldn't resent it as I do, so I'll pack it up with no further whining.

And I think--I think--with that I can sign off and head for the hills. That's three weeks down, thirteen to go. If I'm doing the math right, I meet with each class 25 more times. (I've met each class five times; we meet 30 times in a semester.) Something like that. Anyway, the roller-coaster is still clanking its way up that high incline, but the time will come when it races so quickly I won't know what happened.

I'd have sworn I had a brain around here somewhere...

I truly feel as if I can't locate my brain--or at least any of the parts of it that are required for keeping track of what I have where, remembering what I'm supposed to do, figuring out what needs to be done and when ... essentially, doing my job. It's really getting annoying. Today I did manage to remember when I was supposed to be in Advisement--but I got there and, looking in the wheelie pack, thought, "Shit: I left all the work for the 101 I teach today in the office." So, I trundled back to the office and gathered up the stack of student work sitting on my desk. Walking back to Advisement, I glanced at the first piece of work on the stack and saw the name of a student who is in the T/Th 101. (Remember, today was, as far as NCC is concerned, a Monday, so that's the class I had to be ready for.) Whut??? Gradually, it dawned on me: I had glanced inside the pack and--seeing a bunch of papers in two different binder clips, I thought that was the stuff for the T/Th 101, which I haven't piled all together yet. No: one clip held the work I'd already graded for today's class; the other held the stuff yet to be marked.

Fuck me blind. Ah well.

I was also a trifle annoyed that I seemed to be the only person taking students to advise. I know that wasn't entirely true, but I certainly took more than my share--and I really, really, really wanted every minute to mark student stuff. Still, I managed to knock off the last of the unmarked stuff for today's class while the students were working in the library. I did have to bark at two students who decided that this would be the perfect time to get on their phones and screw around--and then I barked at the whole class about the "no cell phones" policy--but for the most part, they were working pretty diligently, and they asked some good questions. I'm starting to feel as if that class might be OK after all--but it's still early days. One never knows.

In the "more good news" department, the student who was in class today for the first time may indeed be the one to break the trend of students begging to be let in class and then bombing anyway. He showed up with two articles read, annotated, and expanded notes completed. And the work was good, too. I think he may be able to get himself dialed in pretty rapidly and do well--if he continues on his current trajectory. That would be really cool; I'd love to have a student finally pull it off.

Shifting gears: even though today followed a Monday schedule, we had a P&B meeting at our usual time. One member of the committee couldn't be there, as she had class, but we were able to do the meeting anyway. We were in the process of dividing up who was mentoring whom, and I was asked if I'd take on one of the "problem children." I said, "Having very fucking reluctantly agreed to be recording secretary, I am not mentoring anyone I don't have to." Or words to that effect. As it happens, I have to do one observation (heavy sigh; it will mean yet another chunk of advisement time I'll have to make up at some point) and mentor one colleague for promotion--at least this semester. (Her application doesn't have to be complete until spring, but someone will have to take over for me at that point.) That's not too onerous. Of course, I'll also have to read through all the applications for promotion and sabbatical and provide feedback, but ... I may do a relatively slipshod job of that. I'm also doing the approval of travel-funds requests, and someone else is going to have to learn how to do that and take over.

Today's meeting was one of those in which poor Cathy is pretty much conveying information designed to either piss us off or make us despair--or both. We essentially came to the conclusion that there is no nefarious plan in place to deep six the campus, just rampant incompetence: the Peter Principle in action. And how. Not that that makes anything any better, but at least we don't have to feel like we're being targeted for something dire. I got word that "next year" the plan is for the gutting of one of the buildings that we've been forced to use for our classrooms (despite it being a building specifically designed for science classes). However, there is no indication that the building that we used to use and which has been closed for over a year now will be finished and ready for us to use. You might reasonably ask where we will be holding our classes, since we already don't have enough rooms. (My own 102 was opened without having any classroom space in which to hold it; it was only by making use of computer lab space that we were able to find a place for it.)  There is, of course, no plan in place to make sure there are enough classrooms. My poor colleagues may be teaching in hallways and bathrooms at this rate. With or without mold, falling ceiling tiles, working HVAC, or invasions of bees (all of which have been problems we've been facing, among others. Don't ask about the "exploding" toilet.)

Backing up: this morning, when the alarm went off, I thought, "I simply cannot get up yet. I have to let myself sleep in." So, I turned off the alarm and got back in bed. Thirty-five minutes later, my eyes popped open and I thought, "I will not be able to sleep if I keep waking up to fret about the fact that I am supposed to be in Advisement, have stuff to mark." I truncated parts of my morning routine and was happy to note that I was pretty much back on track for being on time--and then I made the mistake of opening my work email. Long story, about communications with a faculty member whose irate student showed up in the office last night, but drafting a reply to her reply to me took longer than it should have. So, I had to inform Advisement that I'd at very least be late. I told them I'd make up the time by staying late tomorrow--but, duh, I won't be in tomorrow at all and campus will be closed. Next week. But ... I really, truly hope I can not only sleep late tomorrow but maybe also get a nap. Yes, I have a ton of stuff to mark. And true, I won't have much time before class on Thursday, as we have a department meeting (and I'll still be the good colleague for most of the semester and go to department meetings, even though I may not stay until the bitter end). And yes, I am already packing it in for tonight, even though I "should" (perhaps) keep working a little longer, reduce the "to be marked" stack as much as possible. But sleep is becoming increasingly urgent a need.

My "carry work home" tote bag is already filled with everything I need to work at home tomorrow--and then some. Since I'm using my wheelie pack for all my classes this semester, I was able to combine the office supplies (pens, rulers, staplers, blah blah) from two tote bags into one: I used to have a bag to carry things to and from classes and a separate one for carrying things home, but now I just need the wheelie pack and a "carry home" bag. Even though I could fit everything in a tote, I opted to use the wheelie pack for everything because when I carried the tote, my back and hip complained. Saving wear and tear on my body being the primary reason for having a wheelie pack in the first place, I am making use of the damned thing. I still have to heft it up and down stairs here in Bradley (which has no elevator, being grandfathered in and therefore not having to comply with ADA requirements). And the fucker is heavy. But the rest of the way, I can wheel it, and that's a very good thing.

Another very good thing is just ... tomorrow. Not merely because it is (of course) another day but also because it is a day in which I do not have to get here to campus. That's a teeny tiny slice of heaven, right there. (Yep. Retirement was the right choice. I'm still scared shitless about the finances and emotionally rattled by the change in identity, but ... ship sinking, rat has her little suitcase packed.)

Whoof...

OK, so.

1. I am not used to the actual rhythm of the week yet. This is the first Monday I've taught, and I was blissfully going by my Tuesday hours in Advisement (10:30 to 12:30), forgetting that on Mondays, I have class at 12:30, so my hours are actually 10-12. I wondered why I seemed to have such a luxuriously long time between my arrival on campus and having to be in Advisement.... I realized that I was on the wrong schedule in enough time that I was only a minute or two late to class, but still: momentary panic there.

2. I am already drowning in assignments. Thank God Wednesday is a day off: I'll be atoning for the sins of my year by doing a load of marking. Fortunately, I can sleep in, which will be a godsend.

3. Speaking of sleeping in--and, actually, drowning in assignments--I almost made the decision to sleep in this morning, but thinking about all that work I wanted to mark, I opted to go ahead and suck it up for today.

4. And then  promptly forgot to return everything I'd marked once I was in class.

5. And, in part, I guess, because the rhythm is not established in my body yet, I was thinking I still had almost a half-hour of class left and then (again, in the nick of time) realized the students were getting restless because it was time for class to end. (But note to self: even using your phone to check the time is verboten. I need to get on the students about that.) But in better news, part of why class almost ran long is that the students were actually working in their groups--and were actually participating in class discussion. Of course, a number of them didn't actually do the work they were supposed to do, but those who did seemed more engaged than they have in the past. The work in small groups certainly helps (they still won't respond much when I just ask questions of the entire class before they work in groups). And I do wonder how much the classroom itself creates a stultifying effect. I know that the fact that every dry-erase marker I've taken to class has been good on the dry part but not on the marker part contributes to the problem, as I can't put anything on the board, and we are a visual species: it's not simply a matter of  "students don't know how to listen any more." I've ensured that I have in my wheelie pack a marker that will live up to its name, ready for next week.

6. Backing up to the start of class today, I was taking attendance and was certain there was one student who was going to be a no-show: I think he's been on my roster since the beginning but I haven't seen him yet. But no! I got an email from him today, explaining some long, involved thing that didn't really make sense and asking if he'd already missed a lot. (At least he didn't ask if he'd missed anything; he assumed he'd have missed something and was simply trying to ascertain how much. One Brownie point.) I sent him a long email in which I demonstrated how much work he's missed--and I strongly recommended that he withdraw. Nope. He's opted to stay. It will be very interesting to see if this is the student who is that exception to the rule. I honestly don't think in my entire career I've ever had a student join the class this late and successfully make it to the end of the semester. Those of you who have been reading my blog since its inception may be able to remind me of a case I've forgotten (assuming there's been once since I started blogging), but I really think my memory serves here: nary a.

7. Tonight was my night to "babysit"--i.e., to sit downstairs in the main office in order to provide back-up for the student aides. (File under, "I never had to do this when Bruce was chair.") I actually was able to help mollify a justifiably angry student who has been trying to contact her professor since the start of the semester. In fairness to said professor, several people have again been experiencing the glitch of important emails going into their spam folders. (Happened to me once, and has happened to others in the past. Maddening, of course, because unless someone says something about an email that went out to everyone, we don't realize we're missing stuff, in the floods of emails we get daily.) But it also should be said that said professor was supposed to be in her office for office hours and was not. Um, not good. But our redoubtable Cathy is on the case--in addition to her work to try to handle the massive fuck-up of the new bookstore, the crumbling classrooms, slashed budgets, and general insanity. God love her. It's pretty fucking thankless work, but I sure am thankful.

Tomorrow will be another non-normal day, as it's a Monday again--and as I'll be meeting my students in the Library. But next week, we'll be on the real, normal rhythm, and the only break to that rhythm will be for Thanksgiving (well, and the Thursday I miss to go upstate)--but by then I'll be dialed in well enough that the disruptions won't (or shouldn't) lead to confusions like today's. I have to say, I keep thinking, "Jeezu, it's a good thing I'm retiring, as clearly I am rapidly losing my ability to function." I've always been a bit the absent-minded professor but I astonish myself with how little I am able to keep in my brain at any one time. Seriously, gnats probably can focus better than I can.

But sitting here blogging when I have to run errands before heading home is not the way to get a good night's sleep so, hasta la pizza, y'all.

Just press "play"

The usual plaint about how tired I am. Whatever.

So far, my T/Th classes are still doing very well. The students in the 101 are already talking with each other and with me before class starts, which is always a good sign. The students in the 102 needed that little "class runs on participation" lecture--but I did a variation, in which I pointed out that I can sit in silence for a looooooong time. The discussion picked up after that. I hope they keep getting more confident as time goes by; I know part of what's going on is that they're not sure how to approach literature yet, so they're afraid to say things in class for fear they might be wrong. I am pleased with myself, in that I am doing a better job than usual of pointing out what students are doing that's good: "Did you notice that she has evidence to back up her point?" "Good: notice that she is referring to a specific page number." That sort of thing. Encouragement. It can make a difference.

Shifting back to the 101 class, there is a female version of Chip in today's section. Reading about the fact that professors are offended when students pack up to leave before class ends, she said that is "childish" because professors need to accommodate the fact that students have to get to their next class. Today, she said that colleges and universities are "stupid" because they mix together students who are following a career track with students who are more focused on self-enrichment; after all, "we're not sheep," she said. True. That's why we mix you together: we figure you are capable of having and maintaining your own reasons for going to school but that encountering people who think and feel differently than you do can be a very good thing. She really wants to fight back against everything we read, everything I say, but I think a lot of that is cultural. There is a certain demographic for whom the only way to feel one is receiving appropriate respect is to maintain a combative air at all times, because otherwise one is perceived as weak and will be mistreated. It's hard to convey that, in the demographic of highly educated people, that combative stance can be counter-productive; the stance that tends to get more respect is the one that is cordial, open--but firm and clear.

Well, I try to model it, even though I'm not always any of those things. And even though they really don't want to be me.

Shifting gears: the wodge of homework I've collected keeps growing, but I won't have time to mark anything this weekend (as I'll be practicing my teaching at a Breath-Body-Mind workshop--and even more sleep deprived than usual). Despite the effect of the hiccups on the semester's work flow, I have to say I am thrilled to bits to have Wednesday in which to do some life maintenance and also get caught up on student work. Right now, I don't have much from my M/W 101, so I can probably get that done before class on Monday (or maybe during class on Tuesday--which is a Monday as far as NCC is concerned); I have a great deal more from the T/Th classes--but there's that Wednesday (in addition to whatever is left of Tuesday-that-is-a-Monday.

I know. It makes my head hurt, too. In fact, I've been walking the edge of a fierce headache all day, and by the time I got to my 4:00 class, I was having a hard time comprehending what my eyes were taking in: visually I could see, but the processing part was apparently mostly off-line. Class still went pretty well, though. And I did meet with two students after class, clarifying stuff--and praising them for coming to me early with concerns instead of waiting until the ships had all sailed.

Now, I'm going to take a moment to put the stuff I need for Monday in my wheelie pack, look around the office to see if there's anything else I need to tidy away, and then head off into the gloaming. And tomorrow is Friday. That's not only another day, it's a hell of  relief.

Well, hmmm.

Of course, it is already time to play the song that goes, "I thought I'd get more done today." That seems to be on repeat play mode (along with any number of other songs that get far to much repetition). Part of me feels I should set an early alarm and try to get in well before class, so I have at least a partial chance of getting some of the assignments marked for tomorrow's classes, but a much larger (and probably more sensible) part says that sleep is going to be far more important--and I'll be out late tonight (going into the City for a flamenco workshop that will be happening over the next four weeks; yes, I've lost my mind).

But more important to record for today is the fact that I have serious concerns about this 101. I asked the students who had read the extra credit assignment ("Ten Things Every College Professor Hates") to say something to the class about what was in it, or what struck them. Silence. Finally, "What was the question?" I repeated it, and elaborated: did anything surprise you or stand out. Same student: "Did anything surprise me? No." (Oh, good: I'm so glad you're willing to talk about it.) I let the silence ride for a while and then I had to say, "This class runs on your participation. If you don't contribute to the class discussion, this is going to be a very long and very boring semester. Education is not a spectator sport. If you aren't willing to get your hands dirty, you aren't going to get anything out of this experience." Well, then a few more students were willing to share what they had read--including the author/professor's statement that we like students who at least pretend they're interested. Yes! I said. If you hate being here, at least pretend you like it, pretend you're interested. It doesn't hurt you, and it will make me a lot happier, and everyone will find this much more enjoyable.

So, then we went over the "quotation for consideration" (Sumner on critical thinking), and although at first I wasn't going to put them in groups, I decided they would do a lot better that way. One group was refusing to talk, so I went over to them and suggested ways they could get into a conversation--even about what confused them. Other groups were also confused but working hard to make sense of the thing; a couple of students got the ideas pretty well. One student was looking for every possible opportunity to fall asleep. And one has made it manifestly clear that he is not happy being in a class with a strict professor and a lot of work. My snap analysis is that he comes from a wealthier area than many, may have gone to a more prestigious school (possibly even Chaminade, in which case, a couple more red flags will go up about this kid): he's bright and capable--and fiercely resistant to anything that looks like hard work. I'll call him Chip, because of the one on his shoulder. But in a nifty little bit of irony, I cannot tell from the photos on my roster which one he is: there are several Average Middle Class White Boys in the class, all pretty much indistinguishable from their photos. He's one of them, but I haven't yet figured out which one. (When I get the face and name together calling attendance, I'll write "chip" on his photo; that will be one of them identified.)

Shifting gears slightly, but in the "the ship is sinking" department, the list of woes with one of our class buildings and with our book orders continues to grow. Some of the emails regarding the room situations would be funny if they weren't addressing a real problem (like one colleague who said that, even after having successfully removed the bees from the room, he didn't know how many students were able to stop thinking about bees). I'm in a completely different building, but today, all of a sudden, a leak appeared. Fortunately, it didn't drip on any students--and one of them was proactive enough to find a bucket and place it under the leak--but ... well, not a great teaching atmosphere. In addition, one of the cleaning crew apparently thinks she is invisible, as she keeps coming in while I'm teaching, walking up to the front, where I'm standing at the desk, and emptying the trash. Um, no. In the perpetual listing of complaints, colleagues have been pointing out that all of our efforts at retention (mostly having to do with dumbing down the curriculum so students don't get discouraged) will go for naught if they get here and feel they're trying to learn in a pretty squalid environment. The school has "poverty stricken" written all over it, and students aren't going to want to come here when there are other much nicer options available.

I feel very sorry for my colleagues who feel they have no choice but to stay here. I'm sure that eventually things will turn around and the campus will become a much more congenial place--but in the meanwhile, it's deeply disheartening to try to teach in such physically and psychologically miserable conditions.

I have some time before I have to take off, and if I were a stronger, more determined human being, I'd get some of those assignments marked. I may have it in me to put them in alphabetical order (maybe), but in general, I'm too tired to do much of anything at all (hence the decision to sleep rather than get up early to grade). It's the fifth day of the semester, and I'm already exhausted. (Fifty-five more to go!) Oh, yeah: retirement was the right decision. And then some.

Jiffy quick

Paul and I are heading out to dinner in about 35 seconds, so I'm posting fast.

There's a blooper with the P&B email addresses, and yours truly is the recording secretary for this semester. I just sent the minutes to the old group. I need to fix that. (Thought process about becoming recording secretary: "Fuck, I'm leaving anyway, and I'm on virtually no committees. I can do it." Rethinking: "Fuck, I should not have taken this on. I can't find time to do anything..." Rethinking the rethinking: "Ah, whatever. Stop bitching.")

Classes went OK. I wish I had more time to talk about what transpired, especially in the 102. There seems to be a good proportion of bright brains in the class--and two of them said that the handbook is very hard to figure out, badly written, problematic... Interesting. I've never gotten that feedback before. (So, if I teach in the spring, do I hunt for a new handbook? Nah, probably not.) I was hoping that the discussion of the story would take wing a bit more, but one of the best readers/thinkers in the class was obviously holding back in order to essentially force other students to respond. Good for her. Interestingly enough, her daughter is also in the class, and at the end of class she asked that, when the students work in pairs, I could be sure she and her daughter do not work together. Yup, no problem.

In terms of the 101, I realized that they're getting a very slow, easy start--because I need to get the other class in sync with them. But they seem like a relatively bright bunch. They'll do the first substantive readings for Thursday's class. It will be fun to see what they make of them.

And I have the first wodge of homeworks to mark. This will be my fun and frolic tomorrow before class, in Advisement (barring a continuation of the parade of students wanting to change schedules at this late date), and back in the office for a little bit before I head off to my evening events.

I'd say more, but now, I'm going to try to send the minutes to the right P&B body, then race off to join Paul. That roller-coaster is definitely heading up the slope now...

Fun and frolic...

I'm actually only partly kidding. Today was a good day, despite one hiccup.

The hiccup was that the bookstore ordered the right style manual for my 101s but with the wrong thing shrink-wrapped to accompany it. Several students diligently paid full price for the book at our bookstore, only to find they got at least partly the wrong thing (and could have gotten a used copy for significantly less). The back story to this is that the Administration, for reasons that remain mysterious, abruptly decided to switch bookstore vendors from Barnes and Noble--the staff of whom had been here on campus for probably 20 years and who were summarily let go with little notice--to another vendor. That vendor has put a lot of time and energy into glamorizing the building and adding cash registers--but doesn't have our books available for the students, or has made the wrong orders, or made other really annoying blunders that show either incompetence or lack of caring. Cathy's new assistant chair, Sabrina, went to the bookstore to explain the importance of having the books clearly stocked and arranged before the first day. She got some snotty attitude from the bookstore manager, so she briskly pointed out that our students prefer to buy through Amazon anyway, so if the bookstore doesn't make it super easy for them to get their books, the store will lose sales left, right and center.

Which is indeed what will happen in the case of my students. I just sent group emails to both classes saying they don't need to buy through the bookstore: as long as they get the right edition, they can get it from anywhere. And yes, I cc'd the bookstore on that.

My colleagues have also been rightly furious that in this incredible, sweltering heat, one of the buildings has multiple classrooms with broken air conditioners, moldy ceilings, missing and/or broken desks, nonfunctional lights... That is the building where my 102 class will meet starting next Tuesday, so all I can say is, I'm grateful the heat-wave will be over. The rooms may still be uncomfortable, but they won't be unbearable, as they were today. (By the way, when the first faculty member said that not only was the AC in one classroom not cooling anything down, it was making a loud noise that disrupted class, one of the guys who is in charge of fixing that sort of thing wrote to Cathy and said he'd stood out in the hall and the AC wasn't making any noise. This guy is the same asshole who responded to the lack of desks in my classroom a few semesters ago saying there were enough--after he had piled five desks on top of each other in one corner of the room. Well, true: there were 28 desks, but the fact that five of my 28 students couldn't actually sit in one didn't seem to be an issue.)

(And oh, yeah: things like this make me feel like my dad did when he retired: he said, "I always thought it made sense for rats to leave a sinking ship.")

But, far more to the point, the day had some lovely surprises. One came from a student I met in Advisement--and demonstrated to me that my first impressions can, in fact, be wildly wrong. The young man seemed to be a little dim and disengaged, but no: as I talked to him, it turned out he's incredibly intelligent, very focused, knows what he wants to pursue, has high ambitions ... and he was a delight to talk to. I suggested he find me for mentoring; as we talked, when he realized I was encouraging his ambitions, he started to sparkle. Lovely.

And I was pleasantly surprised by the 102 today. Of course, we haven't started talking about the literature yet, but I like the way I set it up. I gave them an article to read--from the New Yorker (https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/books-smell-like-old-people-the-decline-of-teen-reading), and it made a lovely segue into our talking about how they need to approach the reading for the class. They recognized that they will need to focus--and we talked about what it takes to find that focus. One of the two adult students in the class also said that there needs to be a desire to do the reading--even if one isn't interested--which made a lovely segue into the "Statement of Self-Defined Goal" that I'm having them write as a sort of self-evaluation. Nice.

And today's 101 went well, too. A couple of students who seemed a bit on the mousy side were very willing to raise their hands and talk, and there were some great ideas going around the room. Again, they haven't had to engage with any in-depth material yet, but the signs are looking good.

If this holds for the rest of the semester and doesn't flip, as so often is the case, I'll be very happy, even if the other 101 is a dud--because at least I'll finish my work week on a good note. Which is where I am right now. There is more I could do in the way of photocopying and organizing, but I have the right things in the folders for Tuesday's classes, Monday being a holiday, so I can roll in to campus on Tuesday, do my Advisement stint, and get to my classes relatively unruffled--assuming no unforeseen ruffling occurs. Tomorrow, I see the financial adviser; Monday, date with Kristin in the City. Life is good, y'all. Life is good.

Posting fast...

I stored up an hour of time and a big helping of goodwill today and stayed late in Advisement to help deal with the deluge of students who want to change their schedules (usually adding a course that is full or for which there is a pre-req they don't want to fulfill first) ... the usual beginning of semester madness. Students can add/drop through Monday; although classes will not be held because of Rosh Hashanah, campus offices will be open, so the madness will continue through that point. And next week, we'll get students who don't understand that they can drop but can no longer add anything. But to bank a little more time (to cover a doctor's appointment that conflicts with my regular Advisement time)--and a lot more goodwill--I'm going to go in tomorrow for two hours, 10 to 12. That actually covers one of my days out plus a bit. So, that's good.

Today's 101 class was disappointingly flat. I don't know how much was a sort of psychological discouragement because we are in a science lab and how much is a lack of class chemistry, but it didn't feel as OK as the other two. Of course, this is one meeting, and we have a lot more to go, so the whole thing could turn around. I'd think that the C building is hexed, except that's where last semester's miracle SF class was held, so if there is a hex, it's only on sections of comp.

And I can't remember the moniker I gave the student last semester--I'll have to look it up--but he was one of the students who spent a lot of time with me outside of class, and whom I genuinely like. He was in the advisement center today, and made a point of coming over to chat with me. Nice kid. Good to talk to. I look forward to more.

However, it seems Paul and I will rarely see each other this semester; our times in the office just don't overlap much if at all. We've made a date for Tuesday after class--and we'll try to find a time for the four of us--Kristin, William, Paul and me--to get together soon.

But now, I must fly. More tomorrow.

One down, 59 to go...

...but who's counting, right? (That's days, not individual classes--and actually, it's a little less, as I will be away one Thursday to head upstate. But still.)

The most interesting part of today was the fact that there seems to be a lot of confusion about room changes. Both my classes today had students (and in one case a professor) there who needed to be in a different room--or even building--and in both classes, students showed up very late because they had been in the wrong room/building.

But the first day always has something wonky going on. The lines in Advisement were pretty bonkers too: lots of students wanting to change their schedules, many of them wanting to sign up for classes that are already filled. For the next week, our class rosters will be a perpetual shuffle (in fact, I'm surprised I didn't already get updated photo rosters, but maybe 1. new photos haven't gotten into the system yet and 2. no one has withdrawn yet). I won't bother doing the little information/grade index cards that I do until after next Monday; by Tuesday, drops will be possible but no more adds, so that's when things get more set.

Of course, the shifting roster also means making more copies of things, as students who decide to bail early usually take the handouts with them, so the students who take their places need the handouts....

Situation normal.

It is very strange, however, to do these various things--print up the index cards, write my name and the course number on the board, give my little first-day lectures--and know that this may well be the last time I do any of those things, at least here at NCC. I just checked the pay scale for adjunct classes at NCC, and if I am calculating correctly (I have credit for 20 semesters and a doctorate in hand), given the amount I can earn in a year without having to pay back Social Security, teaching even one course would put me over the limit--because my "severance" pay and the "additional payroll" lump sums count as income, of course: this is some of what I learned in HR the other day). Those amounts seem like chicken feed, but then Social Security only allows one to earn a pittance without taking half of it back. I wouldn't mind that so much if that half ended up in what I get paid once I'm 66, but I don't think it works like that.

So, yeah. Last time, unless something wildly unforeseen happens. I don't think I'm going to be adjuncting in Montana, or if I am, it would probably be online, so no writing on the board, no record keeping on index cards.

I don't really have a feel for my classes yet; no real sense of personality. There is one student in the 102 who will be interesting; he may be a great writer, but he wondered if the first essay would be "What I Did on My Summer Vacation," as that's what they did in high school. ("Ah, but you're not in high school any more, are you," I said, cheerfully.) One student in today's 101 seems to have a bit of a chip on her shoulder--but she could end up being lovely. Another student in the 101 told me that he always hated writing until he had to take a workshop on argument essays in high school, and now he loves it and he can't wait for the work of the class. Fantabulous! Have at it, Kid!

Most interesting of all, however, was one student who stayed to talk for a while after class. He is the news editor for the campus newspaper, and I mentioned knowing one of the previous editors: I don't know if you faithful readers will remember the Media Mogul, but I sure do, the punk. I probably shouldn't have gossiped with my new student about it, but turns out the Media Mogul was booted off the campus paper--and, I think, off campus entirely. Something about a camera that belonged to the newspaper that he didn't return (until dire consequences were threatened)...? Apparently there was some sort of law suit, which the business manager of the paper and the paper itself won, and the Media Mogul lost. But I suspect this will be a career trajectory for that putz. He'll "charm" his way into situations, fuck up, get booted, lather rinse repeat. Apparently he also had problems with anger management. And personal finances up the gump stump (bought a drone worth several thousand dollars out of his own pocket because the paper needed it?). I'm reminded of an equine character in Horse Heaven by Jane Smiley: thinks he's too good for anything until he gets the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of mares. I hope the Media Mogul has a similar experience, metaphorically speaking.

And isn't it interested that I am so gratified by hearing bad things about him. I will burn in hell, I swear: I have a vindictive streak that I do not like to acknowledge. I wouldn't personally do a thing to that kid (except talk to him, which would do zero good), but I'm hoping for a comeuppance. He just got up my nose, that one.

Shifting gears radically: I briefly turned into one of those people I hate. Immediately after teaching 102, which, you may recall, is scheduled in the computer labs here in Bradley hall, I went downstairs and asked Lori if she could possibly find a room swap for me. The configuration of those labs just won't allow small groups, and small groups are central to my pedagogy. I was ready for disappointment, but no: a minor miracle has occurred. Our department's IT person knew someone who really wanted a lab, so we're swapping rooms as of next week. I'll be in two different rooms in South Hall (and South is a bit of a pit, plus I hate the changing rooms thing), but I'll be able to do groups the way I want to. And the change goes into effect next week, which works great: I don't really need to do the groups before then. So, hooray for little gifts from the gods.

We'll see what other little gifts appear over the next days, weeks, months. Earlier today, I was feeling too frantic to set up a meeting with Paul (who is on the Island but not on campus today); I just didn't know where anything was in the steaming mounds of papers I have strewn all over creation. Things are more organized now, and I will have a little bit of time tomorrow morning to do more organizing and photocopying. It feels very weird to have Advisement scheduled after my classes instead of before, but the good news about that is, it's an additional morning when I don't have to get up before dawn. This is a blessing. (Oh, and the two hour stints feel shockingly short. I feel like I'm just hitting my stride when it's time to go. I almost missed my departure time today, because I couldn't believe I was finished already.)

So. That's day 1 complete. It will be interesting to see what tomorrow brings.

OK, it's confirmed: I'm an idiot

I've been slogging through all the material for the 102 today, getting things ready to hand out and putting them up on Blackboard. I think I may have it all pulled together, but I won't be surprised to encounter more than one "oops; let me fix that" blunder.

But as for the "I'm and idiot" part: it wasn't until yesterday, I think, that I realized I could have chosen to adjust my classes so both my 101s met on the same day--either Monday/Wednesday or Tuesday/Thursday--instead of having one section on M/W and the other on T/Th. The advantage to having both sections on the same day, of course, is that the assignment schedule doesn't need any adjusting, and given the bumpy start to the semester brought about by the Jewish holidays, it would have been very nice to have them both in lock-step. But because of the way my schedule kept changing--and, honestly, because I was more concerned with making sure the adjunct scheduling was under control--I just didn't think, "Oh, that M/W 101 that I chose as a back-up for the Native American Lit, so I'd have a four-day schedule: that doesn't have to be a 101. I could have my 102 on M/W..." Nope. It was just about the moving target of what was available and what we needed to have covered.

So, well, dammit.

However, that is not the end of the idiocy. It was not until about ten minutes ago that I actually paid attention to the dates for essay submissions in the 102, and, oh, goodie: I am getting essays to grade the day before my birthday. Not final versions, either: the first versions, which always require the most work. Let me say that once again I am counting blessings about the cap on that class--and I hate to admit it, but I am rather hoping there will already have been some attrition by that time in October (which is entirely possible and hardly unprecedented).

But seriously, Prof. TLP: how could you not notice that date--and adjust something, somehow, to avoid that situation?

Still, as I keep reminding myself, it's only sixteen weeks, thirty class meetings, and then it will really be a wrap. What a bizarre thought. I still absolutely do not believe that I won't be teaching at NCC in a sort of Groundhog Day time loop for the rest of forever. But I won't. Weird, weird, weird.

The only thing I didn't get done today--and it really isn't all that urgent--was to do some research so I can formulate essay topics for the final paper for the 102. I will focus primarily on socio-historical context for that one, though I will allow an option that focuses on literary criticism--but the Library website was experiencing a glitch, so I couldn't get on the databases from home. This seems to be happening a lot; I need to check again soon to make sure my 101 students won't encounter the glitch when they have to start research (which will be very soon). But obviously I can't do anything about that today. The librarians are, I hope, taking a much deserved holiday today and not doing anything that looks remotely like work.

As for tomorrow, when it all begins: I'm going to get in as early as I can stand it, so I can pull together the needed handouts for the 102, which will be the first class I meet. Normally, on the first day, I'd have a big chunk of time in which to do that sort of thing, but my Advisement schedule requires that I go in on Tuesday mornings. I'm doing two hours on three days instead of my past practice of three hours on two days. I just couldn't find the three-hour chunks around my classes (not without going in way earlier than I'm willing to do). No cause to fret unduly, however: my class meets in Bradley Hall, as I believe I've mentioned, so getting there is a simple stroll down the hall (to the left on Tuesdays; to the right on Thursdays). So that's copacetic.

And I've written myself into a veritable stupor here. It is definitely time to turn my brain off in any truly functional sense and vegetate as much as I can before bedtime. And tomorrow: clash of cymbals and confetti cannons! The start of a shiny new semester!

Sunday something

Not much of note today, though I did do at least a modicum of work. Life maintenance got in the way, but it was good to feel I have the 101 courses all set up on Blackboard--mostly as a back-up for class handouts (You lost it? It's on Blackboard.) but also for essay submissions to Turnitin. Among other things, having the Turnitin links through Blackboard means I don't have to give everyone a class ID and password. They're enrolled in my class; they're automatically set up to submit papers to Turnitin. Groovy.

And I did replace the quiz handouts that had the very embarrassing misuse of an apostrophe. Clearly, I am getting out of this career none too soon. If I were to stay, I'd get so used to making stupid mistakes I wouldn't even catch them later. (We write what we see.)

But I want to share something a little more personal. Not much, but a little. I believe I have at least mentioned how deeply I have agonized over the decision to retire and how profound the repercussions have been (continue to be) in my psyche. The change in identity goes deeper than I was prepared for, and the prospect of changing just about everything in my life is daunting. Now, I am getting a whole new area of emotional whammy: I sent the email to the English department stating that I am retiring, and I'm getting lovely responses from colleagues, expressing their sadness and dismay--and saying lovely things about my presence as one of sanity and clarity. It is very sweet to know that I am held in such affection by at least some of my colleagues, but it makes me feel a bit of ... what, something like survivor guilt, I think. And knowing I am leaving behind a rather large community of people who cared about my well-being. I felt a lot of that caring when my nephew died in 2013; I feel it again now. I'll miss it.

It is interesting, too, to see who has responded. I know one factor in the responses is simply who is checking NCC email at this point, before the official start of the semester, but I'm also interested to note that there are some responses that surprise me; I wouldn't have thought those particular colleagues cared at all, or cared so deeply.

Being a "dive off the dock head first, don't wade in slowly" type of person, it's very strange to have this long, prolonged good-bye. I'm learning to roll with it, letting it unfold gradually. That's a good life lesson for me in general, so, my thanks to the cosmos for this opportunity to practice moving slowly, taking time.