Ah, that's better

I feel a little bit more like a teacher today, less like a schitzoid zombie. One student in the poetry class today had a proposal ready: we talked about it for a moment after class, and she's got a good idea to work on. She's decided to do some poems beyond what we read for class, which is also cool. I'm keeping my plagiarism antennae actively vibrating (for all my students, not this one in particular), but I'm looking forward to evaluating what she's up to.

I also had a productive and friendly conference with one of my 101 students this morning. She is trying very hard, is very earnest, and I'm hoping madly that she can incorporate at least some of what we talked about. I will be meeting with another of the struggling students tomorrow. I am, as I think I have said, enormously proud of them that they are still in there fighting to learn. I may get frustrated and despairing about how far they still have to go, but the fact that they refuse to give up is laudable. My heart breaks for them sometimes: they try so hard, and in many cases, much of their effort is for naught (trying hard at the wrong thing being at best an exercise in futility). All I can do is point out, over and over, where to put the effort, what kind of effort, to try to break it down and simplify and clarify until what they need to learn can finally work its way under their skin, into their DNA.

I have to remind myself that the students are, in essence, unlearning years of bad habits--and are for the first time being required to think, period. I have to try to help them learn a whole new way of using their brains as well as a complete set of new habits, a process that requires patient and continual iteration. (I'm not terribly good a the patience part in any aspect of my life, so the need for iteration is often uncomfortable for me: I try not to get testy about it, but being human, sometimes I inadvertently show my irritation.) I know--and have been forgetting of late--that often the result of all the work I will do this semester won't be apparent for at least another semester if not another year--or two, or many. I do need to see a certain amount of progress, a certain skill level, in order to feel a student is adequately prepared for work at the next level: I adamantly believe it does students zero favors to pass them along only for them to hit a brick wall at the next level. (Think about students who have a "describe your favorite pet" 101 class and then end up in a section of 102 taught by someone with serious academic standards.) But I have to remember that the progress may be minuscule, and that "just barely" may be as close as some students can get--and may, for now, be enough. Not enough for a high grade, but enough to keep the student moving forward. The learning may lag behind a bit. One hopes (with a certain desperation) that the learning will, in fact, eventually happen.

Today's 102 did better than they have in a while in terms of discussion. They were still a bit on the quiet side when in their groups, but I gave them some time to work individually before putting them in groups, which I think helped at least a little. Some of them used that time just to read the novel, trying to get caught up--but I'll take that, if that's the best we can do right now. No one, not one student in that section, has gotten as far as I have assigned: I'm very nervous about that, as their proposals are due next week, and if they haven't gotten at least most of the way through the novel, they're going to have a hell of a hard time coming up with a reasonable paper thesis. But we did get to talk about thematic stuff, some of which arose from getting plot points straight. (Talk about iteration: we had to review portions of the novel we've already talked about at least two or three times. But if that's what it takes to get them to understand, then OK, that's what we'll do. I did get a sense that some of them are at last starting to feel like they have a handle on what's going on.) I'm looking forward to tomorrow's group. I'll probably structure the day pretty much the same way (individual review, group work, class discussion), but that bunch is ready to move on to the next thematic issue, which should be fun.

Of course, I have a stack of homework to chip through, as I want to get as much back to them as possible tomorrow (reading journals at least, so they have those for their proposals). I'm expecting a student from 102 any minute now, coming in for help with her revision--and this will be a delight, as she's very bright and has interesting ideas.

God, it's nice to feel the burden of self-castigation lift. This is decidedly not one of my better semesters in terms of, well, just about anything, but weighed against a career, a ragged semester now and then is not catastrophic. Something else for me to remember.