Despair or resignation?

I don't mean resigning from the job, though I do think of that all the time (as my faithful readers know all too well). I mean giving up, being resigned to an awful outcome. The 101 class: ye gods, what an unmitigated disaster. One of the best students withdrew today; I very nearly didn't sign the withdrawal for him (it's now--finally--my discretion whether to do so; up until last week, I was required to sign (which, I grant, begs the question why my signature is required, but that's a whole different topic)), but ultimately I decided it wouldn't be in anyone's best interest to force him to stay or to get a crap grade. But ... fuck. The proverbial flies are positively air-borne by comparison to my students. The two who didn't have their essays ready last week both missed their conference times today. One student who submitted his essay late wants to reschedule his conference to a time when I am not available. I'll be curious to see whether he checks his email from a response or whether he simply assumes that the reschedule will be fine by me, that I am here at any time for my students. I have my nose a bit bent out of shape about that idea--the hot and cold running professor at the mere turn of a student's whim--because one of the more marginal students showed up at 2:00 today, even though her appointment was at 3, and she seemed not to understand why I told her I wouldn't see her until her appointment time, even though I wasn't in conference with anyone else. (It was officially my office hour, I realized after the fact, but I was up to my antlers in trying to provide feedback for the student who wants to reschedule tomorrow, and I didn't want to interrupt my train of thought to work with her.)

The wheels are similarly falling off the Nature in Lit bus. My rock stars are back, as I think I noted yesterday, but only eight students seem to remain, possibly a ninth, if the one I've caught plagiarizing multiple times decides to get back on board. Three have just gone AWOL. Three have withdrawn officially. The ones who are left are not posting with anything close to their original acumen; the burn-out factor is weighing in heavily.

And I am deeply concerned about the SF class as we head into reading Left Hand. I'm also concerned because the vast majority of them have blissfully forgotten that they need to use secondary material for their second essays--material I will provide. I think what I'll do is scan all the articles, upload them to Blackboard, and let them download what they need from there, which will be much easier than figuring out which individual student needs to be emailed what source.

Setting all those concerns aside for the moment, I have to say, today was remarkably pleasant. It didn't start out well: I had dreadful insomnia coupled with the dregs of a weekend migraine. But at 4:30 a.m., I emailed Advisement to let them know I would be taking sick leave--and I finally managed to drop off to sleep again at about 7, slept until 9:30. But then I could just do my morning routine, come in to work in no particular hurry, come in to the office, and grade those essays, respond to and grade work for the Nature in Lit, meet with the students who had conferences today, and have the usual "mentoring" appointment with the young man from SF. I haven't come up with a moniker for him yet, in part because I find him hard to characterize in any unique way. He's very smart and highly articulate, but his written work sucks (and he's not turning in enough work to do very well in terms of his final grade, at this point). He's got wide-ranging interests and a personal demeanor that is not, as the theater world would say, "typable." Hmm. Well, if I come up with something before the semester is over, I'll use it. Meanwhile, it was just fun talking with him, laughing at his humor. Nice.

And that's a nice way to end the day. I'm going to sign off and head for the hills--and hope that my experience with the SF class tomorrow makes up for the feeling of despair over the other classes. Please, God, let them not blow up! Please let them "get" the book!