Well, hmmmm.

Not quite sure how to call it, in terms of getting the pile of ancient homework marked for tomorrow's 101 before class. To no one's vast surprise, I did not get in early today (the alarm went off at six, and I was awake long enough to turn it off and reset it for seven). And, as I mentioned yesterday, I lose my usual Thursday morning time tomorrow to make up time in Advisement. I know I could bail on Advisement, calling on the migraine excuse, but I've done that so many times this semester, even I'm getting tired of it. I will have about an hour and change after the 102 in which to crank through stuff, but ... will that be enough time? I suppose it might be, if I don't actually pay much attention to what I'm reading and just slap marks on things based primarily on length--and much of it is so old I really don't need to comment at all--but on the other hand, I'm still holding on to several quizzes, and those I do need to read carefully enough to make sure the answers are, in fact correct.

Don't know. I can take stuff to Advisement with me, of course, and hope for lulls in the parade, but ... that's risky.

I just don't know yet how to call it. I probably won't decide until I get up tomorrow, which is OK, as long as--if I do decide to claim sick time in Advisement--I let them know as much before my scheduled gig as possible. As I'm writing this, I keep thinking, "Maybe I can get a little more done tonight," but I should know myself better. My surface thought when I decided to shift over to writing this blog post was "it may take me a while, and I have to leave before six, so I should do that now," but I have to acknowledge that the underlying thought was, "I don't think I can face another of these right now."

I suppose I also should confess that I lost some time this morning to contacting that student who probably thinks I "dropped" her from the class. Yesterday, I said I would consider myself to have exhausted all options after telephoning, but today--since I couldn't even leave a voice mail at the number she provided--I decided to mail a letter to the address on file for her. And now I really have done everything I can do. I also spent some time scheduling my annual vision appointment--and, since I can't get in to see the doctor until January, I am already glad that I opted to continue that coverage for another 18 months, even though I have to pay for the coverage. (It's really a tiny payment--under $10 per month, I think--and although it only covers one pair of glasses, not two, I can get a pair or two now, under the coverage I have, and then get a third in January if I want.)

In any event, because I spent some time on those two things, I had less time to mark than I might have otherwise. But it sure felt good to cross those things off the triage list.

As for today's class, it went unusually well. Of course they still wouldn't talk much when I shifted them out of small groups and into the class as a whole, but instead of just checking in with each group and then moving on, I opted to stay and talk with each group for a while, which they liked. The article they read for today had a statement to the effect that one of the things being lost in the siren call of smart phones is time (and inclination) to daydream. One student asked me if I daydream. "Yes," I said, rather startled. "Do you?" He said he realized he hadn't really done any of that since he was "a kid." So we talked some about how daydreaming is different from zoning out--and from life planning (the endless loop of what we need to remember to take care of next and next and next). So I shared with them the fact that, at the moment, most of my daydreaming is about what my retired life in Montana might be like. They were fascinated--and wanted to hear more about what life in Montana is like in general. Very quiet? Yes. Is it all just ranches? No: there are "cities," though nothing we'd consider a "city" in this area. But the weather can be bad, right? Oh, yeah. In some areas last year--though not, mercifully, where my family are--the snow was up to the eaves. And so on.

But we also got into a conversation in which a bunch of them  were trying to say that they could use their phones when they are driving in safe ways: only at stop signs or stop lights, only if the road is straight and there is no one in front of or behind them, and so on. So first I talked about a rather shattering video in which a young woman whose family was killed by a distracted driver talks to teens who made the same kinds of justifications. Then, much to my surprise, I told them that, when my eldest nephew had his fatal car accident, he was on a cell phone. And I very nearly teared up. I said, "I don't want any of you to go through that. Or to be the cause of someone else going through it." I doubt they really took that in; I don't expect they will ignore their phones entirely when they are driving. But I sure wish they would. (And even I am guilty of occasionally transgressing, though I get angry with myself when I do.)

It will be very interesting to find out if they have "ask the professor anything" questions on the end-of-semester wrap-up day. I'll try to remember to bring in my dissertation, which is always good for some conversation.

That's not now, however. Nineteen days, not counting today. A colleague asked me today if I'm counting down the days, but I really haven't been keeping track in my mind. It's been shocking enough to realize that there really are only two weeks left (and then the wrap-up/frantic grading/paperwork week). But after Advisement today, walking back to the office, I started wondering how that last class meeting is going to feel--with each individual class but especially with the very last one, on Tuesday, Dec. 18, at 4 p.m. Fucking surreal.

Again, however, that's not now. That's not just another day, that's another week (even another month, since it is still November, though barely). Meanwhile, I keep breathing through each day as it comes and trying to keep panic at bay by reminding myself that somehow, it all gets done. It's a mystery, but it does.